Power Rye: The Whole James Harrison Thing

I've been stewing on this topic for 3 weeks now.  I've thought about making many of the following points/rants.  It's going to be a rant.

• The NFL is getting too pussed up, but I'm hooked on it like crack and can't give up my first love.
• Dear Colt McCoy, next time, do what Manning did for 12 years and duck.
• Screw Roger the Clown.
• Screw Mike Greenberg and everyone else at ESPN.
• Dear James, I'm with you, but feel free to start popping spleens and puncturing lungs instead of ringing bells.  The man has beat us down.

I'm going to vent the last of my frustration against ESPN and the whole LOL tweet debacle.  First of all, they cherry picked the scariest image that they could find to put next to hist tweet, but why not use his actual twitter image?  Because it doesn't fit the story that they want to sell!

What a monster.

Woodford Reserve Rare Rye

This year's Woodford Reserve's Masters Collection brings you not one, but two Rye whiskeys.  One aged in a new barrel, and another aged in a used rye barrel.  (Technically the used barrel is not legally a rye whiskey, but who gives a shit.)  Both are loved by frakking cylons?

This is the second time that I've tried one of the masters collections.  The other was the sweet mash, which I was so annoyed with, due to price and suckiness, I have not taken the time to review it.  Yet.  You're times coming.  The point is, yes there is a point, these rye's has a bit of the same leathery flavor that comes through in that bourbon.  I'm not sure if the other collections share this trait.

These both must be pretty good.  When I took my first sips earlier this evening, I really liked the New Cask and thought that the Aged Cask tasted like a thin scotch. Now, I've flipped and find the aged to be quite nice.  The new cask has spice and citrus notes.  The aged cask is vanilla and dates.  All in all, good stuff.

Colonel E.H. Taylor Single Barrel

If you actually care about the history, link.  This whiskey is bottled in bond, which means that it has met certain government standards about how it was made and aged and it is bottled at 100 proof.  Most people don't know that there are also very specific standards in the actual work force.  Below is an image of your typical "bottled in bond" plant worker.

Much more effective than a hair net.  Fittingly, this is a rough tasting bourbon.  Very oaky and smokey.  And the high proof kind of kills your taste buds.  I had thoughts on the flavor at the beginning of the glass (not too shabby), but now it's all alcohol.  There is not really much point in recommending it or not recommending it because it's one of those limited runs that you either lucked into by now or it's too late.

The Power Wry 12-5-11 BS Ranking: Rematches suck

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Two days later, I pinch off a post.

1. LSU (13-0) Defeated Georgia 42-10.  Duh.
2. Oklahoma State (11-1) Defeated Oklahoma 44-10.  The BS Championship game will be in my back yard on January 9th at 7:00 EST, so folks can actually watch the game and still get up for work the next day.  If you guys do decide to show up, please send an e-mail or tweet so I can let my wife know that we are expecting company.
3. Alabama (12-1) Did not play.  Not well played.  -1.
4. Stanford (11-1) Did not play.  Pass.
5. Oregon (11-2) Defeated UCLA 49-31.  They had to beat the ugly friend since USC was grounded.
6. Wisconsin (11-2) Defeated Michigan State 42-39.  Winning the inaugural Big 10 (12) conference championship game and earning an Oscar nomination for best supporting not-really-a-football-player (punter).
7. South Carolina (9-2) Did not play. +1.  That's how you do it 'Bama.  The old ball coach still gots it.
8. USC (9-2) Grounded. -3.
9. Clemson (9-3) Any team that exposes (i.e. opens a can of whoop ass) Va. Tech twice in one year is alright with me.
10. Michigan (10-2)  I've had it with fucking bullshit conference pride.  We have Urban now.  Fuck you Michigan.  I'm going back to the good old days when I hated all other 9(10(11)) teams in the Big 10(11(12)). Go Hokies!  (You suck too)  Don't think that I forgot you Fucky.  Stanford by 20.

The Power Wry 11-28-11 BS Ranking: Urban Meyer is no Longer a Dick

We have reassessed the situation, and he has been reclassified as "Driven."  By we, I mean the royal we, as in that guy at Two Parts Rye is a royal asshole.

1. LSU (12-0) Defeated Arkansas 41-17.  No truth to the rumor that Bobby Petrino quit at halftime.  You can see how that rumor came about, because he is a big quitter.  As a matter of fact, he's quitting the top 10 this week.
2. Oklahoma State (10-1) Did not play.  You sneaky bastards.
3. Alabama (11-1) Defeated Auburn 42-14.  And no trees were harmed in the process.
4. Stanford (11-1) Defeated Notre Dame 28-14.  You should have hired Urban Meyer a few years ago. Oh yeah, he turned down the job.  Hmmm.
5. USC (9-2) Defeated UCLA by a whole bunch.  Sanctions, we don't need no stinking sanctions.  Really, we don't.
6. Houston (12-0) Defeated Tulsa 48-16.  Underachievers.
7. Oregon (10-2) Defeated Oregon State 49-21.  The Lewis vs Clark bowl.
8. South Carolina (9-2) Defeated Clemson 34-13.  Spurrier gave himself the game ball.  Again.
9. Michigan State (10-2) Defeated Northwestern 31-17.  Token Big 10(12) team.
10. Virginia Tech (11-1) Defeated Virginia 38-0.  Pollsters have put them in the top 5, which goes to show that this is the only ranking worth reading.

The Power Wry 11-21-11 BS Ranking

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Two days later, I pinch off a post.

1. LSU (11-0) Defeated Mississippi 52-3.  LSU actually took a knee with 5 minutes left in the game.  Love it.
2. Arkansas (10-1) Defeated Mississippi State 44-17.  Not a good week for ss-ss-pp.
3. Alabama (10-1) Defeated Georgia Southern 45-21.  You let a 1-AA team hang 21 on you.  You get leap-frogged.
4. Georgia (9-2) Defeated Kentucky 19-10.  Georgia leaps into the rankings.  I've ignored them all year because I remember the first 2 weeks of the season.  This week didn't help, but did you see the rest of the games?
5. South Carolina (9-2) Defeated The Citadel 41-20.  SEC East, just like your crappy conference, but warmer.
6. Houston (11-0) Defeated SMU 37-7.  I promised to drop you last week, and I really wanted to baby.  You know I did.  It's just that, the state of Oklahoma had a bad day.  You know I'll put you in your place next week, right?  Don't you baby?
7. 7-10 suspended due to give me a fucking break.

A Sad Sign of the Times

During this holiday season,please remember the needy.
Like Buckeye Hating Chris,World Wide Kev,the 6 Million Dollar Man,
and all the others who cannot find more Christmas Ale.

Philip Rivers is Muno

If you are at work, do not panic.
There are not two dildos on your screen.
There is a dildo and Muno from Yo Gabba Gabba.

The Power Rye 11-14-11 Ranking Bye-Bye-Boise

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Two days later, I pinch off a post.

1. LSU (10-0) Defeated Western Kentucky 42-9.  Western Kentucky is the very thin part of the state, otherwise known as the pencil dick of the south.  Or is that Spurrier's nickname?
2. Oklahoma State (10-0) Defeated Texas Tech 66-6.  Excuse me while I consult the book of revelations to see what this means.
3. Alabama (9-1) Defeated Mississippi State 24-7.  Here's a little behind-the-scenes on the ranking.  Sometimes I get stuck trying to come up with a smart-assed comment, and come back to that team or teams when I'm done.  I got nothing for this one and my drink is almost empty.  At least you learned something useless.
4. Oregon (9-1) Defeated Stanford 52-30.  Luck is a can't miss prospect, which means that the Colts will suck for 10 more years.
5. Oklahoma (8-1) Did not play.  As always +1.
6. Arkansas (9-1) Defeated Tennessee 49-7.  Penn State is sending representatives to UT to find out how you fill a 100k stadium year after year when you suck.
7. Clemson (9-1) Defeated Wake Forest 31-28.  I can't believe that I have an ACC team ranked this high, this late in the season.
8. Houston (10-0) Defeated Tulane 73-17.  73 points.  I like your style.  You can be my new Boise.  Next week, you will be ranked 9th.
9. South Carolina (9-2) Defeated Florida 17-12.  It could be worse Florida, you could have lost to Purdue.
10. Virginia Tech (9-1) Defeated Georgia Tech 37-26.  Seriously.  Two ACC teams.

Joe Flacco is Brobee

We continue to present evidence of the invasion of football by monsters.

Once again, this has absolutely nothing to do with the Steelers choking the game away against the Ravens.

Caorunn Scottish gin

Pronounced Ka-roon.

So what is scottish gin.  It's London Dry gin with...

One part rowan berry

One part heather

One part bog myrtle

One part dandelion

One part coul blush apple

It's actually quite pleasant.  It tastes a bit lighter than a London Dry, with some citrus flavor and a bit of sweetness.  It does not make me wince when I drink it neat, which is always a sign of a quality gin.  Well done.

Terrell Suggs is the Flukeman

I have kept a diligent watch out for aliens invading our basketball courts.  Now that the NBA is in a lockout, and nobody has noticed, we face an even more dangerous foe.  Monsters have invaded football.  I think that you will agree, the evidence is undeniable.

This post has nothing to do with me being pissed that the Steelers choked the game away with 8 seconds to go last night.

The Power Rye: 11/7/2011 BS Rankings. PSU. Dude! WFT! Dude!

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Two days later, I pinch off a post.

1. LSU (9-0) Defeated Alabama 9-6.  I fell asleep at halftime.  Did I miss anything?  Nope.  As games of the century go... it's a good thing we have another 89 years.
2. Alabama (8-1) Lost to LSU 9-6.  If you were not so anti-immigration in the south, you would have better luck finding a kicker.
3. Oklahoma State (9-0) Defeated Kansas 52-45.  Don't care game of the week, numero uno.  Dear Alabama, that means number one.
4. Stanford (9-0) Defeated Oregon State 38-13.  Really?  Just 38-13.  You gotta pound the Beaver(s) harder than that.
5. Arkansas (8-1) Defeated South Carolina 44-28.  South Carolina has Jerry Sandusky's favorite mascot.
6. Oklahoma (8-1) Defeated Texas A&M 41-25.  SEC speed could not bail out the Aggie's.
7. Oregon (7-1) Defeated Washington 34-17.  Surely, there must be another Hasselbeck ready to graduate from high school.
8. Clemson (8-1) Did not play.  Once again, well played.
9. Boise State (8-0) Defeated UNLV 48-21.  Pretty sure that UNLV is not a word, let alone a state or city.  Buy a vowel people.  Boise drops a spot.
10. Penn State (8-1) Did not play.  A couple of weeks ago I promised Buckeye-Hating-Chris that I would slide PSU into the 10 spot.  At the time, I did not realize that would be an inappropriate comment.

The Power Wry 10-31-11 Halloween BS Ranking. Powered by too much candy! And beer. And bourbon.

Ohio State 33.  Wisconsin 20
Best game that I have ever attended.
This is using the NBA standard,
Which means that only the last 5 minutes are worth watching.

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Two days later, I pinch off a post.

1. LSU Bye.  Stayed home to prepare for the national title game against Alabama.
2. Alabama Bye.  Stayed home to prepare for the national title game against LSU.  Buckeye Hating Chris would have you believe that they already won it in Happy Valley.
3. Oklahoma State (8-0) Defeated Baylor 59-24.  All SEC top 3.  Cowboys and Bears.  Did they bring back John Madden to call this game?
4. Stanford (7-0) Defeated USC 56-48.  Jim Harbaugh and Pete Carroll spent the entire game yelling "Go for 2!".
5. Oregon (7-1) Defeated Washington State 43-28.  Yawn.
6. Arkansas (7-1) Defeated Vanderbilt 31-28.  Thereby getting revenge on E. Gordon Gee for the Sugar Bowl loss.  One University President's job removed.
7. Oklahoma (7-1) Defeated Kansas State 58-17.
8. Boise State (7-0) Did not play.  Strength of schedule improves.  They still drop 1 spot.
9. Nebraska (7-1) Defeated Michigan State 24-3.  And once again, Michigan State sees another promising season flushed down the shitter.
10. South Carolina (7-1) Defeated Tennessee 14-3.  I should drop you 10 spots for only hanging 14 on UT.

The Power Rye 10-24-11 BS Ranking

It's not college football, but for any Ohio State fan who thinks that they are tedious to watch this year, like me.  Try watching the Cleveland Browns vs the Seattle Seahawks.  Poopy, poopy, poopy.

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Two days later, I pinch off a post.

1. LSU (8-0) Defeated Auburn 45-19.  The NCAA let Auburn off the hook, but the rest of the SEC has not.
2. Alabama (8-0) Defeated Tennessee 37-6.  I've run out of Tennessee jokes.  I only had one.  And it was bad.  See last week.
3. Oklahoma State (7-0) Defeated Missouri 45-24.  The Big 12 (10(9)) conference presents the SEC game of the week.
4. Stanford (7-0) Defeated Washington 65-21.  Most people don't know this, kids that can't get into Stanford, go to a JUCO named Lamont.  It's full of big dummies.
5. Clemson (8-0) Defeated North Carolina 58-38.  "Clemson and Clover" is my favorite song by Tommy James and the Shondells.
6. Oregon (6-1) Defeated Colorado 45-2.  Two?  Two!
7. Boise St. (7-0) Defeated Air Force 37-26.
8. Michigan State (6-1) Defeated Wisconsin (37-31).  First of all, good call by the replay booth.  Second of all, how in the hell did you lose to fucking Notre Dame?  Was it alumni day and you let Curtis Painter play for fun?  Seriously that S.O.B. damn near cost me my fantasy league game two weeks in a row.  First, he gives the Bengals defense 10 points in the last two minutes of the game (2 int's, one was a pick-6, I lose by less than a point).  This week, I'm up by 70 going into last night's game, and my opponent has Jimmy Graham, Darren Sproles, and John Kasay, and that sorry excuse for a qb can't get a damn first down.  Wait a minute.  Curtis Painter played for Purdue.  Sorry Sparty.  That still doesn't get you off the hook for losing to Notre Dame.
9. Oklahoma (6-1) Lost to Texas Tech (41-38).  The key to the Tech Victory.  Craig James's kid is still locked in the broom closet.
10. Wisconsin (6-1) Lost to the Curtis Painter led Michigan State Spartans.  Whoops.

John L Sullivan Whiskey

This is a nice entry level Irish whiskey that is not named Bushmill's or Jameson's.  It is aged in Bourbon Barrels, that are only used for their whiskey for once.  It is pretty tasty and some of the bourbon flavor comes through under the standard barley flavor of an Irish Whiskey.

The whiskey is named after an Irish-American ass-kicker.  He was the last bare knuckle boxing champion in history, and since he didn't retire, the first gloved champion.  His last fight bare-knuckled fight, which is on the label lasted 75 rounds, after 77, they go to the judges' score cards.

I really wanted to add a joke about him beating up on
Leonardo DiCaprio, but I couldn't find a good image.
You have to admit, that his hat and mustache must have
been reincarnated for Gangs of New York.

The Power Wry 10-17-11 BS Ranking

In non-ranking news, and since they won't be seeing this countdown this year, I would be remiss if I didn't mention that Ohio State set offensive football back 80 years by going 1 of 4 passing and winning.  Egads.  That says a lot about Illi-noise and even more about the 6 teams that they beat.

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Two days later, I pinch off a post.

1. LSU (7-0) Defeated Tennesee 38-7.  It used to be that you couldn't spell citrus without "UT", now it's "B-UT, we scored this week."
2. Alabama (7-0) Defeated Mississippi 52-7.  Because they are awesome.
3. Oklahoma (6-0) Defeated Kansas 47-17.  The program hasn't been the same since Roy Williams left for North Carolina.
4. Wisconsin (6-0) Defeated Indiana 59-7.  At least they didn't run up the score this year.
5. Oklahoma State (6-0) Defeated Texas 38-26.  What the hell happened to Texas?  Did they lose 30 scholarships and nobody told us.  Did Vince Young have to give back Reggie Bush's Heisman?
6. Boise (6-0) Defeated Colorado State 63-13.  I dropped them because I thought that they had beaten Colorado, which lost to Ohio State.  I have realized my mistake, but fuck-em anyway.
7. Stanford (6-0) Defeated Washington State 44-14.  Their star qb was recently disappointed to find out that the "Suck For Luck" sweepstakes does not involve fellatio.
8. Clemson (7-0) Defeated Maryland 56-45.  Clemson Tide is my favorite non-Sean Connery sub movie.
9. Arkansas (5-1) Did not play.  Well played.
10. Michigan State (5-1) Defeated Michigan (28-14).  Suck it Michigan.

Wry World of Sports: 3/5 of BoSox Rotation Finds Baseball To Be Just As Boring As You Do

We're just sitting here; waiting to die.

To the surprise of no one under the age of 70, baseball players find the game to be a dull, ponderous, soul crushing waste of time, just like the 99% of Americans not on Social Security.

Who could blame Boston Red Sox Pitchers Josh Beckett, Jon Lester, and John Lackey for drinking beer, eating chicken, and playing video games on days when they were not playing.  Fortunately, the three were available for comment.

Josh Becket: "You should see how much I have to drink to get through the days that I have to play this stupid game."

Jon Lester:  "I actually had to miss some Monday Night Football because we were playing on the same night.  How fucked up is that?"

John Lackey:  "How long is the season?  I think it's 500 games.  Feels like a million.  We start in April, and finish the world series at around... shit, I've pitched in the world series; I think it was around Christmas.  It had to be around Christmas because people were dressed in funny costumes in the stands.  Whatever, I was drunk."

Nothing

So Mrs. Rye asks:  What did you spill on the floor?  (TV Room)
Nothing!

The Nothing cocktail:

In a large rocks glass

• Add ice
• 2 shots of OYO Vanilla Bean Vodka
• 1/2 shot of Benedictine
• Top with lemon soda

She actually thought that was funny.

The Power Wry 10-10-11 BS Ranking

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Two days later, I pinch off a post.

1. LSU (5-0) Defeated Florida 41-11.  When you punter taunts at the end of a 40+ yard run, you're #1 in my book.
2. Alabama (5-0) Defeated Vanderbilt 44-0.  Nice to see that they are not coasting after that big victory at Penn State a few weeks ago.
3. Wisconsin (6-0) did not play. +1
4. Oklahoma (6-0) defeated Texas (55-17)  The fact that a shitty Ohio State team should have beaten Nebraska this week, lessens the Big 12 (10)'s stock.  I know that Nebraska is now in the Big 10 (12), but they've only been there for two weeks.
5. Boise St. (5-0) Defeated Fresno St 57-7.
6. Oklahoma State (5-0) Defeated Kansas 70-28.  It's a good thing for them that Mark May didn't go to Kansas.
7. Stanford (4-0) Defeated Colorado 48-7.  You drop because you beat a team that lost to Ohio State.
8. Clemson (6-0) Defeated Boston College 36-14.  Will somebody beat these guys so I can have an ACC-free top 10.
9. Arkansas (4-1) Defeated Auburn 38-14.  Does anyone miss Ryan Mallett?  Of course you don't.
10. Michigan (5-0) / Michigan State (4-1).  One of these teams will not be heard from again in this poll.  The other will also have the screen door hit them in the ass in a couple of weeks.

Pardon me, do you know where I can find some Yuengling?

It looks like they expect Columbus to be excited about Ohio finally getting Yuengling.

They are right.

Except for World-Wide-Kev, who is at most a-flutter, because he only likes the Black & Tan.

Wry World of Sports: ESPN executives shocked to find out that Hank Williams Jr is just another dumb ass redneck

Earlier today, ESPN executives announced that they are dropping Hank Williams Jr's oh-so-fresh "All my rowdy friends are coming over tonight" from Monday Night Football.  Junior apparently compared Obama to Hitler and made some other dumb-ass comments on Fox News (Gasp, shock, Fox News).

We spoke to a made-up ESPN executive earlier today for comments.

"We at ESPN are shocked to learn that Hank Williams Jr. does not support our politically correct agenda.  We would have thought that the man who sang "A Boy Named Sue", the theme song of transgenders everywhere, would be a bit more sensitive to the trouble facing our nation."  (editor's note.  "A Boy Named Sue" is actually a Johnny Cash song and is more about kicking ass than anything else.)


Neither Hank Jr, or the mountain that he did a face-plant off of could be reached for comment.

Now, if we could just get Faith Hill to say something stupid, we could get the Sunday night games started earlier too.

The Power Rye 2011 BS Rankings are Back Baby!

Hey there college football fans.  I don't know what it's been like with your program this past off-season, but man, it sure has been boring in Columbus.

• By boring, I mean that we are suffering a death by a 1000 cuts as in every week we get another not so bad NCAA violation, but the shit just adds up.

To top it off, every week I get to see the worst offensive line play in football on Saturday while watching the Bucks and on Sunday while watching the Steelers.  It's enough to make a football fan drink, which is of course why this blog exists.

For those of you who do not remember...
The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Two days later, I pinch off a post.


One more thing SEC/Michigan/Other suck-ass school fans, the university may have vacated all of the wins from last year.  I have not.

1. Alabama (5-0) defeated Florida 38-10.  It's a what have you done for me lately ranking, and sorry LSU and Oklahoma, they had the best win this week.
2. LSU (5-0) Defeated Kentucky 35-7.  LSU had the most impressive early schedule and would have been ranked #1, if not for the fact that one of the teams that they beat was West Virginia.
3. Oklahoma (4-0) Defeated Ball State 62-6 and nobody gives a shit.
4. Wisconsin (5-0) Defeated Nebraska 48-17.  Wisconsin has taken a lot of heat for their soft non-conference schedule, but I think that it prepped them perfectly for Big 10 play.
5. Boise St (4-0) Defeated Nevada 30-10.  Do you remember the glory days of Boise in 2009 when they would have won by 40?
6. Stanford (4-0) Defeated UCLA 45-19.  Several bad NFL teams are asking you to be careful with their next qb.
7. Clemson (5-0) Defeated Va Tech 23-3.  And the football world is shocked that it actually took 5 weeks for Virginia Tech to be exposed.
8. and 9, and 10 go to SouthCaroliMichiTexArkanaBraskaTech State.  It is still to early to sort out the also-rans.

They really need to start selling alcohol at OSU Games

• It was a beautiful sight at halftime today to see all of the other teams at Ohio State come out and thank the football program for funding their crappy little sports.  Unfortunately, the football team didn't show up to say you're welcome.
• I think that in order to fix our offense, we have to start breaking tendencies, right now, we tend to suck.
• Freshman Braxton Miller got beaten like a pinata today.  The Campus Police filed charges of child endangerment in the second quarter.  Later on, they put in Joe Bauserman and charges of abusing the elderly were added.
• I'm looking forward to taking back all of the bad things that I've said about Urban Meyer on this blog.
• Speaking of assholes, Terrell Pryor was a much better qb than he ever got credit for in these parts.
• Speaking of assholes, ditto for Tressel as a coach.

Spatens! Spaten Octoberfest

Definitely pour this beer into a glass, to get rid of the cross-the-ocean skunk that you get with euro-beers.

Having said that, I really like it.  It's not too heavy and sweet, like the octoberfest beers you get in the U.S.  Light, crisp, slightly sweet finish.  Good beer to pound during the game.

Most people don't know that I have traced my genealogy back several thousand years, and I do indeed have Spaten blood in my family.  Fair warning.  Do not get between a Spaten and the ... let me count.  One... two... three... things that he loves.

D.O.M. Benedictine

Benedictine is another in a long line of great alcoholic beverages that was created by virgins.

It tastes like orange, sugar and spices, or as the label tells me, 27 spices.  I have the 1510 version, which is apparently a limited edition that tastes just like every other bottle of Benedictine.  I'll remember just how collectible it is when I throw it into the recycling bin.

It will probably take me a few years to kill it, but I want to put a dent in it.  I pulled out my NY bartenders cocktail book and found a recipe called the honeymoon.

• 4 parts apple brandy
• 2 parts benedictine
• 2 parts fresh lemon juice
• 1 tsp triple sec (another orange liqueur, very redundant)

Of course, I can never follow a recipe, plus, I have an almost empty bottle of applejack that gots-to-go.
I present the "Honeymoon is Over" cocktail. Which is pretty darn tasty.

• 3 parts applejack
• 1/2 part Benedictine
• 1/2 part Lemoncello

I am using Cousin David's lemoncello which is as follows.

• Put lemon zest into Everclear to create an extract.
• Add sugar, and I sincerely hope, water.

I think that I can feel my toenails growing.

Crème de Violette and the Aviation

Crème de Violette is one of those classic cocktail ingredients that until recently, you just couldn't find in Ohio.  Fortunately, my local store has a real lover of good drink running the liquor department, and he's actually been pushing the liquor control board to allow the good stuff to sneak in with the 500 flavored vodkas that usually get approved by the board.

Crème de Violette is sweet, flowery, with a hint of bitterness.  It's meant to be a mixer and nothing else.  The original aviation is as follows: (recipe from Oh Gosh)

2 shots gin

½ shot lemon juice

⅓ shot Maraschino

⅙ shot Crème de Violette

Now for my "Improved aviation".  Improved is a term that bloggers use to say that their version is some how better than original.  As you know, I am much more modest than that.  I need a term for this cocktail that is much more beholden to my family centered mid-western values.  Something that takes me back to my childhood when people were just more down-home good.

The I'm Making it (purple) rain bitch! cocktail.

• Barely coat the bottom of the glass with Marischino
• 1/2 shot of Crème de Violette
• 1 shot of Square One Botanical
• 1 shot of Gin
• Add ice and top with a dry Lemon Soda

Luxardo Marischino

What in the world is Luxardo Maraschino? (pronounced mar-ess-skee-no)

It is a liqueur made from marasca sour cherries.  It has so much sugar added to it, you don't know what you're tasting.  I know what it doesn't taste like.  Cherry.  It's kind of earthy, if the earth was made of sugar cane.

Why isn't the earth made of sugar cane?

It's a nice additive to cocktails; use in small doses.  There are other types of maraschinos, but I have yet to gain access to them.

Square One Botanical

This is part 2 of the ingredients for my improved Aviation.  I could list the botanicals, but why bother when they provide such a perfect picture.

It has enough complexity to qualify it as gin-like, instead of vodka, even though it has no juniper.  I think that the pear, rose, and lavender dominate. 

I've had a hard time trying to figure out what to do with this.  Most of the recipes on their website substitute Square One for gin in some classic recipes.  It has enough of a "wince factor" to make me not want to drink it straight or on the rocks.  This is caused because it is a rye based spirit, which obviously gets a thumbs up here, but rye is not to be trifled with lightly, and they could mix something else in the mash to soften the flavor.

I still recommend it.  Hell, I found a great use for it... which I will be sharing later.

Bluecoat Gin

This will be part "1 of n" reviews leading up to my improved version of a classic cocktail. 

Hint.  It rhymes with "Aviation". 

This is a great American style Gin.  Which means that it is a  London Dry done right.  It has all of the classic flavors of a London Dry, yet its much more approachable.  One of the questions that I ask myself when trying to discern the quality of a gin is... "Does it make me wince?"  This gin does not.  It has a lighter juniper flavor than your typical London Dry, with a bit of orange and other citrus notes.  It's quite nice by itself over the rocks, which is a lot more than I can say about most other gins.

Wry World of Sports Presents the Definitive Jim Tressel Time Line

Tomorrow, The Ohio State University goes before the NCAA Committee of Infractions.  There is no need to wait for the NCAA to reveal the long history of bad-bad-bad-doings of ex-Ohio State coach Jim Tressel.  Our crack staff of investigative drunks at the Wry World of Sports has already cracked the case.

• ∞ B.C.  Tressel gives God the finger.  Creates hell..

• Long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.  Tressel convinces Anakin Skywalker to kill some Yuenglings.

• 6000 B.C.  Tressel bakes Eve an Apple Pie.

• 44 B.C. Et tu Jimbo?

• September 1st 1919.  Shoeless Joe Jackson Tells Tressel that he'd "Gladly pay him Tuesday for a hamburger today."

• October 2cd, 1919.  Chicago Black Sox Scandel.
• December 5th, 1952.  Jim Tressel is born.
• October 2cd, 1963, Jimmy Tressel gets a library card in Dallas Texas.
• November 22cd, 1963.  John F Kennedy is assasinated.

• ... Premise starting to run thin...
• May 30 2011, Tressel resigns as football coach at Ohio State.  Justice!

Cocchi Vermouth di Torino

Way back in the early days of this blog, I had a rant against expensive vermouths, stating that they taste like Ketchup.  Now I've found one that's pretty darn tasty, and sadly costs $20.  Which is a far cry from the $5 that I usually shill out for Gallo.

This is a tasty vermouth.  Very sweet with a citrus and raisin flavor and a bitter finish.  In my last article, I lamented that Wathen's bourbon could not stand up to a strong vermouth.  It mixes quite well with Cocchi.  Love it. It's well worth the extra money.

Wathen's Single Barrel

I picked up this nice sipper during our family vacation at Rohoboth Beach Delaware.  There are two things that that don't have in Delaware.  Sales tax and shade.

Wathen's is made with eight generations of blah, blah, blah.  I find this one to be very spicy with a lot of oak.  You'd think that a bold bourbon like this would make a nice Manhattan, but it can't stand up to even a splash of Noilly Pratt.  Weird.

Still, it's a nice sipper.

Several Almost Empties: Sazerac 18, Elmer T Lee

OK.  This has been sitting in draft for over a week.  More almost empties to come.

Sazerac 18: This is the 2009 bottling, which is considered inferior to the 2010.  The 2010 must be something because this is quite nice.  It has a nice strong grain flavor, with a bit of vanilla sweetness, both in your initial sip and the finish.  A+.

Elmer T Lee: This bourbon comes highly recommended.  Frankly, I don't see what's the big deal.  It's smooth, which is damning with faint praise.  At least it's cheap.  C

The Wry World of Sports Congratulates Danny Noonan for Winning the 2011 US Open



This keen observation brought to you by S1T.

Wry World Of Sports: Jim Tressel Claims Another Victim

The Bowl Championship Series announced today that they have stripped USC of their 2004 National Championship.  This sanction was handed down after it was discovered by Sports Illustrated's ace reporter, George "Old News" Dohrman, that Ohio State coach Jim Tressel knew that USC runningback Reggie Bush's parents were given a luxury home by a sports agent.

"Not only did Tressel turn a blind eye to the misdeeds of his own players, he also turned a blind eye to the misdeeds of other teams.  He spread his doctrine of "La, la, la, I can't hear you." around the nation.  Wait until you hear what he knew about Cam Newton, OJ Mayo, Craig James, and Shoeless Joe Jackson.  It's just a shame that he had to drag down a man of high moral character, like Pete Carroll, down with him."

Two Parts Rye's official summer beer of 2011: Wittekerke

It's hot, it's humid, you  just got done playing softball, or mowing the lawn, and your balls are sticking to your leg.  (If they are sticking to both, seek help from a medical professional.)  You need a nice lite, summer pounder.  This is it.  It's a thinner blue moon and I love it.  It's from Belgium, and I still love it!.  I've done my research and the name has something to do with Captain Kirk.

I present to you, the next coach of THE Ohio State University

Folks, we don't need the anti-Tressel.  Tressel was one of the greats.  But he came up short in one area.  I give you, the one man, who could out Tressel-Tressel.

Jim Beam Devil's Cut

Well, the rapture was scheduled for this evening, and here I sit, drinking.  Chances are, if you read this blog, you're still here too.  There may have been an exception made for World-Wide-Kev, which is a shame, because he pitches for my softball team and we have a game tomorrow.

I thought that I was going to make it out, but I sealed my fate when I purchased a bottle of Devil's Cut yesterday.  For those of you who are uninitiated in whiskey slang.  The whiskey that evaporates during the aging process is called the angel's share.  The Beam folks have found a way to pull out the whiskey that is absorbed into the barrel, and they blend it with normal Jim Beam.  It all sounds like a bunch of marketing jiggety-pokety-whosie-whatsie-hommina-hommina-bull-shit.™

It turns out that this is indeed a better Beam.  Not leaps and bound better, but it's pretty good.  It has a bit more oak, and a bit more spice.

So, did anyone get raptured?



 

I took a Bulleit for you. Bulleit Rye

This pains me, because I am a fan of Bulleit Bourbon.  And this whiskey is a decent sipper.  It's spicey and hot when you drink it neat.

But I buy a $25 rye for a Manhattan.  Bulleit Rye brings out a bizarre celery flavor when mixed with vermouth.  I've tried serveral different vermouth and bitters combinations.  In the end.  It's only drinkable if I mix in Jim Beam Rye or a strong bourbon like Knob Creek.

So there you have it.  I took a Bulleit for you.  You're welcome.

You can't take it (all) with you

No.  I'm not dying.  I'm getting the Casa de Rye ready to sell.  We're looking to upgrade our space; and to quote Mrs. Rye.  "You can't move all of this stuff.  You'll need to do some more drinking."  To her credit, she did not do an immediate, "I can't believe that I just said that face."

Expect more drink reviews.  Most of them will be via tweets.  I decided a few months ago, that if I don't have anything funny to say, or at least a funny picture, it's not getting a blog post.

If you live in the Central Ohio area, and are thinking about getting a palatial Clintonville home.  There's one coming on the market this year.

Barrels? We don't need no stinking barrels. Part 3: Our honor defend, we'll fight to the end for OYO?

OK.  We have a white whiskey that admits that it's a white whiskey (scroll down two posts.).  A white whiskey perfuming itself up to be gin (one post down).  And now we got a white whiskey claiming to be vodka?

The first time that I tasted this vodka, I thought that it was a nice mash bill for a whiskey.  I'm quite happy that I'm going to get my wish.  The wheat whiskey is due out this month. 

This is not the "vodka" for your typical cranberry and spread legs cocktail.  You should drink it neat and appreciate it.  It's made from 100% Ohio winter wheat.  Which was only 2 pts worse then Kentucky winter wheat this year.  This is what happens if you don't triple distill the life and joy out of... well, life. 

Barrels? We don't need no stinking barrels. Part 2: Don't forget to "Cup the Bols"

Welcome back to our incredibly exciting series on white whiskey.  You might be asking yourself, what's genever?  Well, it's what gin used to be before the English took all the fun out of it.  You might also be asking yourself what this has to do with white whiskey.  We'll plagiarize their website for an explanation.

The heart of Bols Genever is a whiskey-like triple distillate made of corn, wheat and rye, which the Dutch called malt-wine.  This flavor-rich distillate is carefully blended with a juniper-berry distillate...

In other words, it's moonshine and juniper.  Shockingly, it's quite good with tonic.  Just make sure to add a squeeze of lime or lemon.  Or a dash of Fee's grapefruit bitters.

The "Cup the Bols" cocktail.

1 part Bols Genevere
1 part Rye Whiskey
1/2 part Sweet Vermouth
1/2 part Grand Marnier

Add ice.  Stir and drink.

Barrels? We don't need no stinking barrels. Part 1: Buffalo Trace White Dog

This will be part one of an exciting three part series on white whiskey.  Ironically, this is the only one of the three that calls itself whiskey.

White whiskey is what you get when you don't put your distillate in a barrel, AKA moonshine.  The Buffalo Trace white dog is 125 proof.  Drinking it neat gives a hell of a burn.  It's got some corn, grain and yeast flavor.  With, like I said, a hell of a burn at the end.  Let's add water.

Well, that brings out some sweetness.  And.... not much else.

So, does that dog hunt?  If by hunt, you mean get you drunk.  Then yes.  If you mean taste good.  Not really.  There's a reason that god made the oak tree; it was for coopering barrels for bourbon.  This was made for the person who just has to know what it tastes like right out of the still.  It is sold in 375 ml bottles at the same price as a 750 ml bottle of the bourbon.  Tricky bastards.

Wry Slamma Jamma: Yabba Dabba Done!

Bruce Pearl was fired today.  I think that he's a hell of a coach, but dude.

I shouldn't have given Aaron Craft my world famous brontosaurus ribs!

The Tyrconnell Single Malt

We continue our St Pattie's day tradition of enjoying a fine Irish Whiskey at home, while all of the amateurs clog the bars.

This was a Christmas gift from Cousin David.  Thank you.

Web Tasting Notes: 

Colour: Golden Yellow

Nose: Full and fruity aroma with a citrus – spiciness taste

Taste: Well structured with honey notes hanging from the nose. A tang of oranges and lemons, a strong malt presence that balances well with the oily sweetness

Finish: A long finish with the malt becoming more dominant to the end without the soft fruits and honey, which helped make up the middle.

Alcohol content: 40%

Serving Suggestions: The Tyrconnell can be served neat in a tumbler, or with a little water to taste.

My Take:  Avoid water.  It does not take much to make this whiskey to taste too thin.  I agree that it is oily.  I think that it tastes salty and spicy, with a sweet leather finish.  This is a sipper.  The kind of whiskey that you sit back and enjoy.  Take some time to philosiphize about the universe, wondering where in the world is World-Wide-Kev?

Grade: B

Wry Slamma Jamma: 2011 NCAA Tournament Prediction

I got Ohio State over BYU in the final; the ultimate match-up of good vs evil.  Ohio State will win.  Why?



Evil will always beat good because good is dumb.

Vine Talk

From time to time, I get an e-mail asking to check out something new on the booze scene.  Usually, I ignore any e-mail that doesn't involve a free bottle of liquor being sent to my house.  Hint.

I received a trailer for a new show called Vine Talk, featuring Stanley Tucci.  He's a fine actor, but I don't know if that gives him the chops to wax on about wine.  Other than the obvious access that money brings to the table.  I was ready to ignore it, then suddenly, I saw something special in the video.



Bed Bath & Beyond 2005.  Delicious.

At least I know that they saved money on coasters and invested it in the wine.



Wry Slamma Jamma: Bo Ryan is an Alien



I have been quiet lately.  But I have not deserted my post.  I am watching you, you alien basketball fiends.



Legends and Leaders renamed Tiger's Blood and Adonis DNA

Many felt that the Big 10 was being egotistical when the conference named its divisions Legends and Leaders.  In an effort to bring some modesty to the conference, Commissioner Jim Delaney has hired Charlie Sheen as a consultant.

"Charlie brings the kind of down home midwestern values that our conference likes to represent.  Let's face it, his dumb-ass show is the kind of brainless crap that midwesterners just suck up.  Plus, his hatred of Alcoholics Anonymous went over really well in Wisconsin."

When asked what other qualities brought the two titans together, Delaney pointed out the obvious.  "Joe Paterno also has Tiger's blood and Adonis DNA, so it was a natural fit."

Watershed Gin

Watershed Distillery is one of two distilleries producing spirits in Columbus.  Its an interesting name.  At first, I thought that the watershed is where you beat your kids back in the pioneer days; you know, back before there were Wal-Marts.  Turns out that was the woodshed.  A watershed is a strip of land between two rivers.  The distillery is located between the Scioto and the mighty Olentangy, so that works.  They are most likely going after the "watershed moment", which is the moment when everything changes.

That's all fine and dandy, but you probably are wondering if the gin is any good.  It is.  You get your typical juniper flavor that you would expect from a London dry.  It has a hint of citrus, and I think that it has a lot of cucumber.  Good stuff.