Power Wry Week 14: Amen!

You need to step up your game Pastor Glenn.

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Before I sober up, I pinch off a post.

This weeks ranking is brought to you by Pappy 12.

1. Ohio State (12-0) Beat Michigan 42-41.  Enjoy your moral victories bitches.  And... Fight!  Fight! Fight!  And our defense sucks.  And I need to have another son so I can name him Carlos.

   

   Turtle Neck, Sweater Vest & Golf Visor

2. Florida State (12-0) Beat Florida 37-7.  Looks like the Criminoles are ready to graduate from 1-AA.
3. Auburn (11-1) Beat Alabama 34-28.  I told you that they were playing the quality football in Alabama.  Now it's time to pull that rabbit's foot out of your ass and lose to Missouri.  Also, your coach makes Tressel look stylish.  Which means he is a giant fucking dork.
4. Michigan State (11-1) Beat Minnisota 14-3.  The Jim Bollman juggernaut will hang a cool 17 on OSU this weekend.
5. Missouri (11-1) Beat Johnny Syphilis 28-21.

All others discontinued.

The Power Wry Week 13, Brrrr

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Before I sober up, I pinch off a post.

This weeks ranking is brought to you by Larressingle Armagnac, thus ends the classy part of the ranking.

1. Ohio State (11-0) Beat Indiana 42-14.  It was pretty chilly, as a matter of fact, my balls just finished re-dropping.  Now you can sleep at night, secure in the knowledge that my balls are swinging low again.
2. Florida State (11-0) Beat Idaho 80-14.  The Vandals are a great mascot, but the Visigoths would have been better.  Also, the good team's QB might be going to jail.
3. Alabama (11-0) Beat Chattanooga 49-0.  Oh Bumpers!  People with toddlers should get that reference. 
4. Wisconsin (10-1 9-2) Beat Minnesota 20-7.  Seizure free.
5. Michigan State (10-1) Beat Northwestern 30-6.  Northwestern is like Batman.  Awesome at night, but during the day, they're just a wacko in pajamas wishing they were as cool as the Batkid.
6. Auburn (10-1) Did not play.  Glad to see that someone is playing quality football in Alabama.
7. Missouri (10-1) Did not play and still beat Mississippi 24-10.
8. Oklahoma State (10-1) Defeated the unstoppable juggernaut that is Baylor 49-17.

9-... discontinued.  Oregon got whooped by Rich Rod and will rejoiced because they will not have to settle for playing in the Rose Bowl.  Baylor, yep.  Johnny Secondary Violation sucked.  Stanford beat Cal, which is what happens when Cal is in a football stadium.

More cold picture fun!

Ask all you want, he's not throwing you the ball.

Ummph

So fast the snow melted, or the pics are out of order.

Power Wry Week 12, your team sucked it up too

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Before I sober up, I pinch off a post.

Luke Fickel has really let himself go.

This weeks ranking is brought to you by 4 Roses 2013 Single Barrel.  I have heard that it is that good and it is that good.

1. Ohio State (10-0) Beat Illinois 60-35.  I was going to drop them to 4th, and then I watched the late games.
2. Florida State (10-0) Whipped Syracuse 59-3.  That sounds impressive until you realize that Syracuse only had 5 guys out there for their vaunted 2-3 zone.  Also Miami lost.  Again!
3. Alabama (9-0) Struggled against Mississippi State 20-7.  That sound you hear is another Miss St dropped pass.
4. Baylor (9-0) Beat Texas Tech 63-34.  Next week they play DeVry.
5. Wisconsin (9-1 8-2) Beat Indiana 51-3.  Sadly, it was not the Bo Ryan/Tom Crean duel to the death that we were all hoping for.
6. Michigan State (9-1) Beat Nebraska 41-28.  A Jim Bollman offense hung up 41 points and they were not playing Kent State?
7. Auburn (10-1) Beat Georgia 43-38.  Glad to see that someone is playing quality football in Alabama.
8. Missouri (9-1) Did not play.

In the land of also Ran, Clemson Beat Georgia Tech, who cares.  Texas A&M went to an autograph show.  South Carolina beat Florida 19-14 and it was Urban Meyer's fault.  Oregon beat Utah 44-21.  Stanford Lost to USC, but it doesn't count because they didn't play Stanford football this week.

Power Wry Week 11: It's homer time.

Is that a topless Brett Bielema
 or the Oregon football team?  I can't tell.

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Before I sober up, I pinch off a post.

In honor of the Arkansas head coach, I am drinking boxed wine before lunch time.

1. Ohio State (9-0) Did not play, dramatically improving their strength of schedule.
2. Alabama (9-0) Beat LSU 38-17.  Nothing like beating a bunch of ex-cons coached by a mental patient.
3. Florida State (9-0) Beat Not a-Wake Forest 59-3.  Also, Miami lost to Va Tech invalidating all quality wins in the ACC.
4. Baylor (8-0) Beat Oklahoma! 41-12.  Great to see those rival high school teams get together.
5. Stanford (8-1) Beat Oregon 26-20.  Who says that you need a play book bigger than a post-it-note.
6. Wisconsin (8-1 7-2) Beat BYU 27-17.  You can't bring a group of clean cut kids with an  honor code to Madison Wisconsin and expect positive results.
7. Michigan State (8-1) Did not play, dramatically improving their strength of Schedule.
8. Missouri (9-1) Beat Kentucky 48-17.  Allegedly
9. Clemson (8-1) Did not play.  Isn't it great that we can go back to not giving two shits about Clemson?
10. Oregon (8-1) Lost to Stanford proving that they are soft.  Jelly belly soft.

Two Parts Rye Week 10: If the Play is the thing, where the hell was everyone?

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Before I sober up, I pinch off a post.

This week's drink of choice is Glenmorangie Ealanta.  That is Gaelic for skilled and ingenious, like me.

Lifted from Eleven Warriors.

1. Oregon (8-0) Did not play.  OK
2. Alabama (8-0) Did not play.  Because they were in Texas and there was no fiddle in the band.
3. Florida State (8-0) Whipped up on the U 41-14.
4. Ohio State (9-0) Beat Purdue 56-0.  I like a school whose nickname is a shot and a beer.
5. Baylor (8-0) Did not play.  See Alabama.
6. Clemson (8-1) Defeated Virginia 59-10.  Another defeat for the tea party.
7. Wisconsin (8-1 7-2) Beat Iowa 28-9.
8. Oklahoma! (7-1) Did not play.  Not even their understudy was available
9. Michigan State (8-1) Defeated Michigan 29-6.  Congratulations, you are better than Penn State

10(a,b,c).  Texas A&M beat UTEP 57-6 which is the equivalent of not playing, Stanford did not play.  LSU did not play.

Also: Kid N Play did not play.  Marcy's Playground did not play.  Aerosmith just pushed play.  Thankfully, no white boys played funky music.  The Offspring came out an played.    We couldn't find Coldplay.  

Power Wry Week 8

Why all the pictures of guys in suit & ties, suit & ties?
Just a year late for the Timberlake reference.

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Before I sober up, I pinch off a post.

This week's Power Wry is brought to you by a Sazerac Rye Manhattan.  I'll have two or threve before I'm done with this post.

1. Oregon (7-0) Defeated Washington St late.  Again?
2. Alabama (5-0) Beat Arkansas 52-0.  Allow me to make the 5 millionth #KARMA joke.
3. Florida State (6-0) Whooped Clemson 51-14.  If my memory serves me right, and it always does, Clemson used to coach the Minnesota basketball team.  Not that impressive when you look at it that way.
4. Ohio State (7-0) Beat Iowa 34-24.  Our defense is crap on a stick.
5. Miami (6-0) Beat North Carolina 27-23.  Winning the coveted Butch-Davis-Used-To-Coach-Here trophy.
6. Baylor (6-0) Defeated Iowa St 71-7.  Way to beat the fake Iowa.
7. Clemson (6-1) Let's see, what did I say last week... "Clemson (6-0) Defeated Boston College 24-14.  The hacks in the AP would drop you a couple of spots for that.  I'm going to wait for Florida State to kick your ass next week."  Pretty much nailed that one.
8. Missouri (7-0) Defeated Florida 36-17.  Nice job Urban.
9. Stanford (6-1) Defeated UCLA 24-10.  Tough loss for Jim Mora JUNIOR. He hates that.
10. Wisconsin (6-1 5-2) Beat Illinois 56-32.  No PAC 12 officials were harmed.

The Power Rye 2013 Week 6

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  A day or so later, I pinch off a post.

This weeks Power Wry is brought to you by Glenmorangie Elanta.  Nobody of consequence lost this week, so the ranking is the same, only the snarky comments have changed.

1. Clemson (5-0) Beat Syracuse 49-14.  That crusty grouch Boeheim needs to hang it up.
2. Oregon (5-0) Defeated Colorado 57-16.  Colorado is what happens to your genitals after two months of cholera.
3. Ohio State (6-0) Defeated Northwestern 40-30.  The glory of the back door cover.
4. Miami (5-0) Defeated Georgia Tech 45-30.
5. Alabama (6-0) Whooped Georgia State 45-3.  Peachy.
6. Florida State (5-0) Defeated Maryland 63-0.  They're just mad that they won't getting all of that B1G cash money.
7. Stanford (5-0) Defeated Washington 31-28.  They got outplayed and won.  Very Buckeye-ishticological of you.
8. Oklahoma! (5-0) Beat TCU 20-17.  The little sisters of the poor must have been fired up for that one.
9. UCLA (4-0) Defeated Utah 34-17.  Just like Obama.
10. Texas Arts & Crafts (4-1) Stayed home and signed autographs.

This article is late because we lost our big buddy on Sunday night.
He is the skinny one on the left.

Ray Lewis and Bane, shopping Bros

Brett Keisel is a Bumble

Not all monsters are bad.
Merry Christmas!

The Power Wry Week 13: Order is Restored

I present to you, the 2012 Heisman winner.

1. Ohio State (12-0) Defeated Michigan Our Bitch'again (26-21)  I'll tell you everything that you need to know about the Big 10(12(14)) Title Game.  OSU Over Nebraska 63-38.  OSU Over Wisconsin 21-14.
2. Our Lady de Gonna be Rusty in January (12-0) defeated USC 22-13.  The ratings are in, and everybody watched it, except me.
3. Alabama (11-1)  Defeated Auburn 49-0.  After the close call with Cam Newton, Auburn has been shopping at the bargain bin.
4. Georgia (11-1) Defeated Georgia Tech 41-10.  The Dusty Rhodes vs. Harley Race of football.
5. Oregon (11-1) Defeated Oregon 48-14.  For those who didn't know, the Oregon civil war was started when someone puffed puffed, and didn't pass.
6. Kansas State (10-1) Did not play.  They prefer to spend Thanksgiving weekend in Oz.
7. Florida (11-1) defeated Florida State 27-26.  Once again Del Boca Vista Phase II beats Del Boca Vista Phase I.
8. Texas A&M (10-2) Did not play.  By did not play, I mean that they defeated Missouri 59-29. Not only does Johnny Fever have the Heisman trophy locked up, he has earned his PhD in his freshman year.
9. LSU (10-2) Defeated Arkansas 20-13.  And Les Miles gets a raise again.  For somebody that everyone thinks is an idiot, he sure does rake in the cash.
10. Kent State (10-1) Defeated Ohio 28-6.  Enjoy your head coach, because he'll be packing his bags for greener pastures come January.

Power Rye Week 12 2012. Suck it Bielema

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Two days later, I pinch off a post.

I'm not sure how you lost poop boy.

1. Ohio State (11-0) Defeated Wisconsin 21-14.  The Buckeyes delivered another clinic on how to win when you get totally outplayed.
2. Our Lady de Don't Choke and You Are In (11-0) defeated Wake Forest 38-0.  An exciting preview of future Notre Dame vs ACC action.  Chip Kelly will have them ready to play against USC.
3. Alabama (10-1)  Defeated Western Carolina 49-0.  Hey dumb-asses  There is a North Carolina, and there is a South Carolina.
4. Georgia (10-1) Defeated Georgia Southern 45-14.  I have to do more research, but I think that the Republic of Georgia Southern used to be part of the Soviet Union.  We may have an Air Force base there.
5. Oregon (10-1) Lost To Stanford 17-14.  Way to prepare for a rainy night Brian Kelly, because it never rains in the Pacific Northwest.  I also think that Andrew Luck kid is going to be good.
6. Kansas State (10-1) Lost to Baylor 52-24.  That RG III kid is going to go places.
7. Florida (10-1) Jacksonville State 23-0.  And people wonder why the Jaguars can't sell out on Sundays.
8. Florida State (10-1) Defeated Maryland 41-14.  The Big 10's (14!?) reputation takes another hit.
9. Texas A&M (9-2) Defeated Sam Houston State 47-28.  You want to leave the Big 12(10) for the SEC, then fine.  But to attack a great man like Sam Houston because he wouldn't let Texas join the Confederacy; that's just wrong. 
10. Kent State (9-1) Defeated Bowling Green 31-24.  The Golden Flashes converted a 7-10 split for the victory.

Power Rye Week 11 2012. Stumble Trip, Stumble Trip.

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Two days later, I pinch off a post.

1. Oregon (10-0) Defeated Cal 59-17.  The Pac-12 needs to consider a mercy rule.
2. Kansas State (10-0) Defeated TCU 23-10.  While it was not his greatest game, we need to stop pretending that anyone other than Calvin Klein is going to win the Heismen this year.
3. Ohio State (10-0) Did not play and moved up.  How Tressellian of you Urban.
4. Our Lady de Ho-Hum (10-0) defeated Boston College 21-6.  Ho-Hum.
5. Alabama (9-1)  Lost to Texas A&M.  The SEC is still tops, but the gap is closing rapidly.
6. Georgia (9-1) Defeated Auburn 38-0.  That's it?  Poor showing by Georgia.
7. Florida (9-1) Defeated La Lafayette 27-20.  Really?
8. Florida State (9-1) Defeated Va Tech 28-22.  The weekly prize for further exposing the Va Tech sham goes to the Seminoles.
9. Texas A&M Defeated Alabama 29-27.  Johnny Football is a hell of a player.  Throws the most accurate wounded duck in the nation.
10. Kent State (9-1) Defeated Miami 48-32.  Why not?

Having said all that.  Don't be shocked if Alabama sneaks back into the title game.

The Power Rye Week 10. The polls are in, we have a champion?

The first team to 10 is the champ right.  Congratulations Ohio State!  Wait, that's not how it works.  Shit.

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Two days later, I pinch off a post.

We're the best yeah, better than all the rest!

1. Alabama (9-0)  Defeated LSU 21-17.  Why do the best teams in the country constantly turn out snoozer games.
2. Oregon (9-0) Defeated USC 62-51.  Has Lane Kiffen actually won anything besides biggest douche in the universe?
3. Kansas State (9-0) Defeated Oklahoma State 44-30.  And once again, nobody watched it.
4. Ohio State (10-0) Defeated Illinois 52-22.  Hire Ron Zook!
5. Our Lady de You Lucky Bastards (9-0) defeated Pitt 29-26.  I'm glad that Big Ben saved is B game for the Giants.
6. Louisville (9-0) Defeated Temple 45-17. I can't believe that a big time program or an NFL team as not hired Bobby Petrino.
7. Georgia (8-1) Defeated Mississippi 37-10.  Peachy
8. Oregon State (7-1) Defeated Arizona State 36-26.
9. Florida (8-1) Defeated Missouri 14-7.  Really?
10. Kent State (8-1) Defeated Akron 35-24.  The hot MACtion continues.

The Power Wry NCAA 2012 Week 8 Rankings

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Two days later, I pinch off a post.

3 Magic references in a row?

 
1. Florida (7-0) Defeated South Carolina 44-11.  Florida has the most impressive resume, but beating South Carolina is starting to get less impressive.
2. Oregon (7-0) Defeated Arizona State 43-21.  Halftime score 43-0.  They took a self-imposed second half ban in order to score points with the committee for infractions.
3. Alabama (4-0)  Defeated Tennessee 44-13.  
4. Kansas State (6-0) Defeated WVU 55-14.  And for a change, somebody watched it.  Just not for long, because it was a grade A ass-kicking.
5. Ohio State (7-0) Defeated Purdue 29-22.  Urban pulls another victory out of his magic murder bag.  (Currently watching an old Venture brothers rerun.)
6. Oregon State (5-0) Defeated Utah 21-7.  Whooped BYU last week.  I'm thinking that those magic underwear are overrated..
7. Our Lady de Just About Right defeated BYU 17-14.  Yep, magic undies, overrated.
8. Oklahoma (5-1) Defeated Kansas 52-7.  A nation prays that they end the Our Lady of Please Go Away nightmare this week.
9. Mississippi State (7-0) Defeated Middle Tennessee St 45-3.  Congratulations.  Next week, you get crushed by Alabama.
10. Clemson (6-1) Defeated Virginia Tech 38-17.  I'm thinking about saving the 10 spot for whoever beats Va Tech each week.  5-2 NC State, you're on deck.

No Desmond Howard's were harmed in the creation of these rankings.  It was not for a lack of trying.  He's still really fast.  Free the Torg.  I also hear that Kent Graham's backup pussed out on his radio show this week.  That is hear-say because no one in Columbus listens to the Kirk Herbstreit show.

The Power Rye NCAA Week 7 Rankings

I spent a long weekend in Nashville watching the Steelers not win and drinking until I lost my voice again.  Still searching for it.  Let's get to raaankins.


The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Two days later, I pinch off a post.

1. Oregon (5-0) Did not play.  It was probably raining.
2. Alabama (4-0)  Defeated Missouri 42-10.  Did Alabama join the Big 12(10)?
3. Florida (6-0) Defeated Vanderbilt 31-17.  I know that I left Florida off last week.  I was just waiting for them to beat a quality opponent.
4. Ohio State (7-0) Defeated Indiana 52-49.  Braxton Miller was money from the 3-point line.
5. Kansas State (6-0) Defeated Iowa State 27-21 and nobody watched it.  
6. Oregon State (5-0) Defeated BYU 42-24 in an electoral college landslide.
7. Our Lady de Just About Right defeated Stanford 20-20  20-13.
8. Oklahoma (4-1) Defeated Texas 63-21.  Texas would be doing better, but Urban Meyer left Will Muschamp an empty cupboard.
9. Rutgers (6-0) Defeated Syracuse 23-15.  Nice to see the MAC still representing.
10. Louisville (6-0) Defeated Pittsburgh 45-35.  Conference USA y'all.

I went and cursed my College Pick'em last week.  That's what I get for betting big on Sparty, South Carolina; the Sparty of the South, and WVU; the West Virginia of the Big 12(10).

The Power Wry NCAA Week 6 Rankings

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Two days later, I pinch off a post.

Our Lady de Overated's helmets are a Harvey Dent original.

1. Oregon (5-0) Defeated Washington 52-21: The Ducks were inspired this week.  They heard that Our Lady de Overrated (Notre Dame) one upped them in the ugly department.
2. Alabama (4-0) Did not play.  What's the matter Sanders?  Chicken?
3. South Carolina (6-0) Defeated Georgia 35-7... and Mark Richt's seat heats back up.
4. West Virginia (5-0) Defeated Texas 48-45.  This qualifies as a pitchers duel for WVU.
5. Ohio State (6-0) Defeated Nebraska 63-38.  Homer.
6. Kansas State (5-0) Defeated Kansas 56-16 and nobody watched it.  
7. Oregon State (4-0) Defeated Washington 19-6.  FG, FG, FG, TD, missed PAT.
8. Our Lady de Overrated Defeated the U 41-3.  In the U's defense, they are not used to playing in front of crowds > 10k.
9. Oklahoma (3-1) Defeated Texas Tech 41-20.  Texas Tech, snitch on your coach, get him fired, then suck.
10. Rutgers (5-0) Defeated Connecticut 19-3.  Nice to see the MAC represent.

I'm going to curse my ESPN college pick'em streak by showing you that after 4 weeks, I get in a groove.  I'll probably score about 10 points this week.

The Power Wry 2012 Week 5 College Football Rankings: Who's Number 1? The world and WWK want to know?

Unlike the other dumb ass college football rankings that start in the preseason.  This Dumb ass waits five weeks to show you that he doesn't know dick.

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Two days later, I pinch off a post.

1. Oregon (4-0) Defeated Washington State 51-26: I actually have much respect for the PAC-12 this year.  That's right SEC.
2. Alabama (4-0) Defeated Mississippi 33-14: 4 S's * 2 P's raised I to the 4th Power + M.  Sounds about right.
3. South Carolina (5-0) Defeated Kentucky 38-17.  John Calipari had his team in contention at the turn, but a couple of bottles of Dom and a steak sandwich and... a steak sandwich charged to the Underhill's account rallied Steve Spurrier's team to victory.
4. Florida State (5-0) I thought that I could get by without a small conference team in the rankings, but that ACC has some athletes.
5. West Virginia (4-0) Defeated Baylor 70-63.  Lost in the 70 points of offense, was the 63 points surrendered to an RG III-less Baylor.  WVU, pride of the BIG 12(East-$$$$ really wanted to be in the ACC Suck it Louisville)
6. Kansas State (4-0) Did not play, as always, well played.
7. Georgia (5-0) Defeated Tennessee 51-44.  Mister Windell suffered an ACL sprain at the end of the 3rd quarter, dooming the Vols.
8. Texas (4-0) Defeated Okie State 41-36.  Looking forward to that Oct-Nov collapse.
9. Ohio State (5-0) Defeated Michigan State 17-16.  Homer.
10. Oregon State (3-0) Defeated Arizona 38-35.  Any team that has beaten Wisconsin is ok in my book.

A Nation Mourns a Tragic Hero: Art Modell 1925-2012

Today, a nation mourns the passing of a tragic hero.  A man who did all that he could to destroy a blight, and in the end, caused even more harm than he could have imagined.

Art Modell purchased the Cleveland Browns in 1961.  After two short years, he began his quest to rid the world of the Cleveland Browns by firing one of the greatest coaches in the history of football, Paul Brown.  Little did he know, the Browns would continue to thrive in the short term, winning the NFL championship in 1964, giving Cleveland it's last moment of happiness.  Even worse, Paul Brown would found the Cincinnati Bengals, creating a fan base almost as low-brow as the Browns fan.

For a while, it appeared that Modell would overcome this adversity.  The Browns were awful in for most of the late sixties through early eighties.  But his plan to bring in the slow footed and weak armed Bernie Kosar as his quarterback in 1984 failed; the franchise sank into relative success.  He was often quoted as saying, "Thank God for John Elway."

In 1996, it appeared that he had finally triumphed.  The Cleveland Browns were moved to Baltimore.  But the NFL, influenced by a young intern named Roger Goodell, kept the name and history of the Cleveland Browns and awarded the city with a new franchise.  Modell also unwittingly unleashed a new class of asshole on the nation: the Ravens fan.  The Ravens fan is like the kid who had his lunch money stolen from the bully, who made himself feel better by stealing the lunch money of a Kinder-gardener   In 2000, Modell's Ravens won Super Bowl XXXV, successfully scarring the psyche of Clevelanders, but sadly giving the Ravens fan the validation that they longed for.

It was not all tragedy, even though the Browns came back into existence in 1999, they have been the laughing stock of football for more than a decade.  They have been perennially trounced by their "rival", the Pittsburgh Steelers.  Last winning in Cleveland on December 10, 2009, on a night when hell literally froze over.

The Steeler Nation wishes you Gods Speed Art Modell. We hope that in heaven, there is no "Red Right 88", no "The Drive", no "The Fumble".  We can all agree.  Go fuck yourself Cleveland.

Bret Bielema is the Golgothan

We have already established that Bo Ryan is an alien.  But the stench emanating from Madison is not limited to the basketball team.  Oh yes, there is a monster at the top of the football program.  A big-giant-walking-talking-stupid-whiny-bitch of a turd.  Have you ever thought to yourself?  That coach at Wisconsin, just seems like a giant piece of shit.  Let me tell you.  You thought right my friend.

NFL Levels Unjust Punishment for Bounties

Lost a midst the hoopla surrounding the stiff penalties leveled on the New Orleans Saints today, was the on and off and on again penalty leveled against New York Jets Head Coach Rex Ryan for the bounty program he ran in Baltimore.  Years ago, Ravens Fluke-man turned Linebacker Terrell Suggs bragged about a bounty program that they Ravens Defense had on Hines Ward.  As punishment, Ryan's current team will have to forfeit a 4th & 6th Round draft pick, plus endure at least one season of Tebowmania. 

I'm gonna get you Hines!

Commissioner Roger Goodell: "Bounty activity has no place in the NFL.  The penalty could have been harsher.  If they had actually ever managed to knock that grin off of Ward's face; we would have added Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocino to their rosters.  Ask the Bengals how a year like that feels."

Can you throw?
No.
You'll fit right in.