Power Wry Week 14: Amen!

You need to step up your game Pastor Glenn.

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Before I sober up, I pinch off a post.

This weeks ranking is brought to you by Pappy 12.

1. Ohio State (12-0) Beat Michigan 42-41.  Enjoy your moral victories bitches.  And... Fight!  Fight! Fight!  And our defense sucks.  And I need to have another son so I can name him Carlos.

   

   Turtle Neck, Sweater Vest & Golf Visor

2. Florida State (12-0) Beat Florida 37-7.  Looks like the Criminoles are ready to graduate from 1-AA.
3. Auburn (11-1) Beat Alabama 34-28.  I told you that they were playing the quality football in Alabama.  Now it's time to pull that rabbit's foot out of your ass and lose to Missouri.  Also, your coach makes Tressel look stylish.  Which means he is a giant fucking dork.
4. Michigan State (11-1) Beat Minnisota 14-3.  The Jim Bollman juggernaut will hang a cool 17 on OSU this weekend.
5. Missouri (11-1) Beat Johnny Syphilis 28-21.

All others discontinued.