Tuesday, December 28, 2010

That's one magic assed glass

... or how a Belgian beer hater had to grudgingly admit that Duvel's pretty good.

This was a Christmas gift from my bother-in-law.  They were along the right track, but I really dislike the yeast in Belgian beers.  It came with the super cool Duvel glass.  I don't know that if the tulip shape is trapping the bad flavors where I can't get to them, or encouraging them to get the hell out of here while the head settles.  Either way.  I approve.

The beer is somewhat light tasting, with some citrus, maltiness, and some yeasty qualities.  It is bottle fermented, and I plan to age my last two bottles for a couple of years to see how it evolves.  It's 8.5% abv. and goes down easy.  Consider yourself forewarned.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

The Power Rye: Ohio State fans spared from 4th year of one hopping a five yard slant

What's good for the goose...

The Human Turnstyle, TFL, Butter Fingers, "I paid for my tattoos!", and some other guy.
Five Ohio state football players have been suspended for five games next season due to their acceptance of discount tattoo prices, and selling of memorabilia to the same tattoo artist.  For some reason ($), they will be allowed to participate in the Sugar Bowl.  Ohio State will will surely struggle to replace their talent.

  1. Terrell Pryor.  Who will one hop passes to wide open receivers when he's gone?
  2. Boom Herron.  Who will get tackled for a loss every other play when he's gone?
  3. Mike Adams.  Who will give up two sacks a game when he's gone?
  4. Devier Posey.  Who is going to drop three passes a game when he's gone?
  5. Soloman Thomas.  Who is he?
Here's what the dumbasses sold.

Adams must repay $1,000 for selling his 2008 Big Ten championship ring

Herron must repay $1,150 for selling his football jersey, pants and shoes for $1,000 and receiving discounted services worth $150

Posey must repay $1,250 for selling his 2008 Big Ten championship ring for $1,200 and receiving discounted services worth $50

Pryor must repay $2,500 for selling his 2008 Big Ten championship ring, a 2009 Fiesta Bowl sportsmanship award and his 2008 Gold Pants, a gift from the university

Solomon (Thomas) must repay $1,505 for selling his 2008 Big Ten championship ring for $1,000, his 2008 Gold Pants for $350 and receiving discounted services worth $155.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

The Power Wry: There has to be a hard knocks joke to go with this story...


Do yourself a favor and don't read the swinger web site screen shot at the bottom of the deadspin article.  You have to read it, but you shouldn't.

Suddenly, Rex Ryan's postgame news conference from last week makes more sense.

Q:  Coach, can you talk about the naked bootleg in which Mark Sanchez scored the tying touchdown?

Rex Ryan:  The important thing about a naked play like that is the footwork.  The footwork sells everything.  The entire stadium thought that they had their eye on the ball, you could really see James Harrison go for it.  He thought that he had it in his hands, but we play "look, but no touch".

Q:  The Steelers had a lot of success running the ball against your front seven.  Any concerns for the upcoming weeks and the playoffs?

Rex Ryan:  Those are some big hogs on that line.  Flozell Adams is a size 16 shoe.  Chris Kemoeatu, aka "Big Juicy", very agile for a guy wearing size 14 Reeboks.  The way he moves when he pulls...  Did someone turn up the heat?

Uncomfortable silence filled the room.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The Power Wry: Pussy Seahawks fan sues Shaun Ellis

Robert Lawson, who will from this point on be referred to as Susan, is suing New York Jets Nose Tackle Shaun Ellis and the Jets themselves for hitting him with a chunk of snow.  Susan, who still hasn't got over the fact that his team lost by double digits in Super Bowl XL, is suing for past and future medical expenses, past and future loss of earning (his mommy did cut his allowance), partial impairment of earnings and earning capacity (who would hire a pussy like Susan?), mental and physical pain and suffering (It is difficult to accept the fact that you are a giant wuss).  Medical experts are divided on the case.  Is Susan a giant pussy or just a money grubbing douche?  Why not both?

Most people are shocked to find out that there is a football team in Seattle.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Ten High Bourbon

I find myself with more bottles than bar space these days.  Time to clear out the almost empties.

Ten high proves the old addage, there are no bad bourbons, just better bourbons.  Smooth bourbon flavor, with a touch of oak, but no complexity. 

At around $12/liter, it's not a bad bourbon.  I find it to be a bit too mellow to stand alone in a manhattan.  Go 50/50 with some rye.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

The Power Wry BS Rankings and 2010 Bowl Season Preview

The Power Rye is the most accurate ranking of college football available. Each week, I feed all the facts, figures, stats, scores, and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix. Two days later, I pinch off a post.
  1. Auburn (13-0) Defeated South Carolina 56-17.  Auburn is looking forward whooping up on Oregon in the BCS title game, and then vacating the title sometime next summer.
  2. Oregon (12-0) Defeated Oregon St 37-20 in the civil war.  What is the civil war in Oregon, hippies vs beatniks?
  3. Wisconsin (11-1) Plays TCU in the Rose Bowl.  They're the underdog for some stupid reason.  They will destroy TCU by 30.
  4. Ohio State (11-1) plays Arkansas in the Sugar Bowl.  Here's hoping that the stench of one year in Ann Arbor clings to Ryan Mallett long enough for OSU to kick the SEC curse.
  5. Michigan State (11-1) Plays Alabama in the Capital One Bowl.  As a side bet, the losing coach has to smile.  High stakes for Saban and Dantonio.
  6. Stanford (11-1) plays Va Tech in the Orange Bowl.  Soon to be named the giant fraud bowl.
  7. Arkansas (10-2)  Feel free to take the Buckeyes lightly.  Please.
  8. LSU (10-2) plays Texas A&M in the cotton bowl.  One of the ones that you will probably skip, unless you have three TVs.
  9. Oklahoma (11-2) Defeated Nebraska 23-10 plays Connecticut in the Fiesta Bowl.  Check your local listings for something worth watching.
  10. TCU (12-0) Still waiting for their whooping from the badgers.
Other bowls of note:

Outback Bowl: Florida vs. Penn State a.k.a. The Quitter vs The House Guest that won't leave.
Sun Bowl: Notre Dame vs Miami.  20 years past relevancy.

That's it really.  The rest are late night TV filler.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The Power Wry BS Rankings 11/30/10

The Power Rye is the most accurate ranking of college football available. Each week, I feed all the facts, figures, stats, scores, and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix. Two days later, I pinch off a post.
  1. Auburn (12-0) Defeated Alabama 28-27.  Nick Saban had a flashback to his days at Michigan St.
  2. Oregon (11-0) Defeated Arizona 48-29.  Refs fucked Arizona.
  3. Wisconsin (11-1) Defeated Northwestern 70-23.  70 points again.  Look at me mommy!  Look at me!
  4. Ohio State (11-1) Defeated Michigan 37-7.  OK.  Ohio State is sitting at #6 in the BCS rankings.  We only need 4 or the following 5 to happen in order to get in the title game, in order of plausibility.  a) Someone finds the paper trail and Auburn has to vacate its wins.  b) Standford fails a drug test.  c) The entire Wisconsin team is implicated in the Lufthansa Heist of 1978.  d)  TCU goes on a Mission Trip.  e) Oregon State Defeats Oregon.  It could happen.
  5. Michigan State (11-1) Defeated Penn St. 28-22.  Waah!  We won't get a BCS game because we're irrevelant... and we got our asses kicked by Iowa.
  6. Stanford (11-1) Defeated Oregon St. 38-0.  That vapor trail is from Jim Harbaugh bolting for greener pastures.
  7. South Carolina (9-3) Defeated Clemson 29-7.  Man, the ACC sucks.
  8. Arkansas (10-2) Defeated LSU 31-23.  Oh Ryan Mallett.  If only you could were 150 lbs and fragile.  You could have really been something at Michigan.
  9. LSU (10-2) See above.  Appreciate Les Miles people or Ann Arbor will.
  10. TCU (12-0) Defeated New Mexico 66-17.  Looking forward to losing by 50 to Wisconsin in the Rose Bowl.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

The Power Wry BS Rankings 11/25/10

The Power Rye is the most accurate ranking of college football available. Each week, I feed all the facts, figures, stats, scores, and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix. Two days later, I pinch off a post.

Week in review:  Due to a virulent case of monkey sars, this ranking is late.  I considered taking a bye this week, but bye's are for pussies.

  1. Auburn (11-0) Bye.  Mama's Boys.
  2. Oregon (10-0) Bye.  Pansies.
  3. LSU (10-1) Defeated Mississippi 43-26.  Nancy Boys. Oh... they played.  Sorry, I was on a roll.  Well done.
  4. Wisconsin (10-1) Defeated Michigan 48-28.  Everybody does.
  5. Ohio State (10-1) Defeated Iowa 20-17.  Devier Posey just arrived after being forced to walk home from Kinnick Stadium.
  6. Alabama (9-2) Defeated Georgia St 63-7.  How did they get Lord Saban to play on Thursday?
  7. Michigan State (10-1) Defeated Purdue 35-31.  Once again, defying the odds by not choking.
  8. Stanford (10-1) Defeated Cal 48-14.  Battle of the hippies.
  9. South Carolina (8-3) Defeated Troy 69-24.  Steve Spurrier has Macedonian ancestry.
  10. Boise St (11-0) Defeated Fresno St 51-0.  Boise leapfrogs TCU because they played their high school game in the rain.
Preview for the upcoming slate.

I'll be in the shoe sharing the love.

Monday, November 15, 2010

The Power Wry BS Rankings 11/16/10

The Power Rye is the most accurate ranking of college football available. Each week, I feed all the facts, figures, stats, scores, and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix. Two days later, I pinch off a post.

Week in review:  Move along.  Nothing to see here.  (Auburn's new cheer.)
  1. Auburn (11-0) Defeated Georgia 49-31.  How does one fit $200k in unmarked bills in a collection plate?
  2. Oregon (10-0) Defeated Cal 15-13.  That was just the 1st quarter score, right?
  3. LSU (9-1) Defeated LA-Monroe 51-0.  You better.
  4. Wisconsin (9-1) Defeated Indiana 83-20.  Scott Tolzein had a triple double with 18 points, 12 assists, and 18 boards.
  5. Ohio State (9-1) Defeated Penn State 38-14.  The story making the rounds is that coach Jim Tressel fired up the team at halftime with a rare display of emotion.  We give you the before and after. 
    ... and After. Whoo. Scary. As you can see, all of the color was drained from his sweater vest to his face.
  7. Alabama (8-2) Defeated Mississippi State 30-10.  I have three tv's in my man-cave.  That's the one I didn't watch.
  8. Nebraska (9-1) Defeated Kansas 20-3.  Another classic Big 12 rivalry bites the dust.
  9. Michigan State (9-1) Bye.  The Spartans spent their week off hi-jacking the Iowa team bus, and finishing the job that they left undone 3 weeks ago.  Choking against Northwestern.
  10. Stanford (9-1) Defeated Arizona State 17-13.  Does anyone not eating granola still think that Stanford is a legit contender?  I don't.
  11. TCU (11-0) Defeated San Diego State 40-35.  I haven't seen a high school team recruit this well since Massilllon Washington in 1981.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Power Rye BS Rankings 11/9/10

The Power Rye is the most accurate ranking of college football available. Each week, I feed all the facts, figures, stats, scores, and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix. Two days later, I pinch off a post.

Week in Review:  Surprise, surprise.  The SEC is shady.
  1. Auburn (10-0) Defeated Chattanooga 62-24.  Surprisingly, their mascot is the Mocs (as in mocking bird), not the Choo-Choos.
  2. Oregon (9-0) Defeated Washington 53-16.  Still waiting for Jake Locker to do something.  He has an excuse this week, he had a boo-boo.
  3. LSU (8-1) Defeated Alabama 24-21.  Memo to whomever plays LSU.  It will be a trick play.
  4. Wisconsin (8-1) Defeated Purdue 34-13.  Wisconsin took a nap during the first half and still only trailed 10-6.
  5. Ohio State (7-1) Bye.  Jim Tressel is up to his old tricks.  Don't play, surge up the standings.
  6. Stanford (7-1) Defeated Arizona 42-17.  Stanford moves up because everyone else that was ahead of them stunk up the joint.

  7. Alabama (7-2) Lost to LSU.  Too busy leaking stories about Cam Newton to game plan.
  8. Iowa (7-2) Defeated Indiana 18-13.  Seriously?
  9. Nebraska (8-1) Defeated Iowa State 21-20.  I mean seriously?
  10. TCU (10-0) Defeated Utah 47-7.  Number one sham program in the nation.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Received for Review: 1800 Silver Tequila

This tequila is peppery and smokey, with agave sweetness and an oak finish.  On ice it's a nice sipper and it stands up well in a cocktail.

When I first got the bottle, I thought that this was the most difficult stopper in the world to open.  Turns out that there is a reason for that.  Christopher Moltisanti will explain.

Missing from this video, is how you actually get the stopper out without dumping tequila all over the place, or losing it back down the bottle.  Fear not.  Here is the solution.  Frankly, it doesn't work that well, but it's cute.  To be fair.  I have had drank 5 shots of 1800 and my technique may be suspect.

The "I don't have time for all that foo foo crap" margarita:

1 1/2 parts 1800 tequila
1/2 part grand marnier
squeeze the juice of one lime wedge into the glass in order to avoid scurvy

Monday, November 1, 2010

What in the world is...Punt E Mes?

I thought that it was Italian for "whore foot".  Turns out that it means point and a half; which doesn't make a lot of sense either.

It's a sweet vermouth from Italy.  It has the same odd ketchup flavor that you fine with Martini and Rossi or Boissiere when you taste it neat.  It does make a really nice Manhattan, as long as you use a rough around the edges rye like Old Overholt..  At $20 a bottle, I'll break it out when I want to impress people, and stick with my trusty $5 bottle of Gallo the rest of the time.

Power Rye BS Rankings 11/1/10

The Power Rye is the most accurate ranking of college football available. Each week, I feed all the facts, figures, stats, scores, and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix. Two days later, I pinch off a post.

Week in Review:  Sparty finally showed his true colors.  As did Missou.
  1. Auburn (9-0) Defeated Missippi 51-31.  Ackbar was wrong.
  2. Alabama (7-1) Bye.  Even the bye week had a bye before they played Alabama.
  3. Oregon (8-0) Defeated USC 53-32.  USC has had trouble navigating the salary cap era.  Look for Lane Kiffen to ruin your favorite franchise/program soon.
  4. Wisconsin (7-1) Bye.  Nobody noticed.
  5. LSU (7-1) Bye.  Les Miles clock management haunts him again.  He showed up at the stadium on Saturday and missed a golden opportunity to sleep in.
  6. Ohio State (7-1) Defeated Minnesota 52-10.  For the first time this season, Ohio State did not lose 15 defensive backs to season ending injuries.
  7. Iowa (6-2) Defeated Michigan State 37-6.  They fought the battle of Thermopylae in a corn field.  Whoops.
  8. Nebraska (7-1) Defeated Missouri 31-17.  How in the hell did they lose to Texas?
  9. Stanford (7-1) Defeated Washington 41-0.  Didn't watch it, and neither did you.
  10. Utah (8-0) Defeated Air Force 28-23.  ...and nobody cares.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Power Rye BS Rankings 10/25/10

The Power Rye is the most accurate ranking of college football available. Each week, I feed all the facts, figures, stats, scores, and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix. Two days later, you get this.

Week in Review:  My crack research team did some investigating, and Boise is a city and not a state.  Thus, Boise State is out.  Stanford is also out.  Anyone with a thorough understanding of the second law of thermodynamics knows that only one Pac-10 team can be good at a time.  Also, they gave up 28 points to a shitty Washington State team.  Egads.

This weeks ranking:
  1. Auburn (8-0)  Defeated LSU 24-17.  Can we send Cam Newton the Heisman now and get it over with?
  2. Oregon (7-0)  Defeated UCLA 60-13.  Bill Walton is spinning in his grave.
  3. Michigan State (8-0)  Defeated Northwestern 35-27.  I suspect that they traded uniforms prior to kickoff.  Northwestern blew a lead that would have had John L Smith smacking himself.
  4. Alabama (7-1)  Defeated Tennessee 41-10.  The Iron Bowl is looking more and more like the de facto National Title game.
  5. Missouri  (7-0)  Defeated Oklahoma 36-17.  The Big 12 sucks, but they are undefeated.  For now.
  6. Wisconsin (7-1)  Defeated Iowa 31-30.  Bucky wins big in back to back weeks.
  7. LSU (7-1)  Lost to Auburn.  Les Miles is busy preparing for the Michigan job that accepted in 2007.
  8. Ohio State (7-1) Defeated Purdue 49-0.  No, you get used to it.
  9. Nebraska (6-1) Defeated Oklahoma St. 51-41.  Future Big 10 bias moves Nebraska back into the top 10.  For now.
  10. Utah (7-0).  Token small conference team.
For fun.  Brett Farve's new Wrangler commercial.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Ron Matusalem Gran Reserva

Rumor has it, this is a drinking blog.

My grand tour of solera aged rums comes to an end.  I had the Ron Zacapa, the Ron Atlantico, and now the Ron Matusalem.  It's the most affordable of the three at under $30.  I get vanilla, honey, a bit of cinnamon with lightly tannic finish.  As a whiskey lover, my only complaint is that this rum tastes too much like rum.

Grade: B+

Power Rye BS Rankings 10/16/10

The Power Rye is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all the facts, figures, stats, scores, and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  After my headache goes away, the results are posted.

Week in review:  Nebraska messed with Texas and they're out.  TCU is out just cause.  South Carolina, the Michigan State of the South, gacked against UK, they're out.  Ohio State wasted no time reminding me why god invented whiskey and the remote control.

This weeks rankings:
  1. Auburn (7-0)  Defeated Arkansas 65-43.  No defense.  No problem.
  2. LSU (7-0)  Defeated McNeese St. 32-10.  I thought that they had a bye so they fell one spot.
  3. Michigan State (7-0) Defeated Illinois 26-6.  Sparty, the South Carolina of the Midwest, continues to defy the odds by not choking.  Can they make it another week?  Stay tuned.
  4. Oregon (6-0)  Stayed home and played with themselves.  East Coast bias keeps them from moving up the rankings.
  5. Alabama (6-1)  Defeated Mississippi 21-10.  Don't make Nick Saban angry.  You won't like him when he's angry.
  6. Oklahoma (6-0)  Defeated Iowa St. 61-0.  Oklahoma is poised to blow another BCS game.  Somehow, Ohio State will get blamed for it.
  7. Wisconsin (6-1)  Defeated Ohio State 31-18.  Fuck you Bucky.
  8. Stanford (5-1) Bye week.  Harbaugh went for 2.
  9. Ohio State (6-1)  Lost to Wisconsin 31-18.  John Clay still running.
  10. Boise State (6-0)  Defeated San Jose St. 48-0.  I've been to San Jose, and it's a city.  Boise loses one spot for playing a fake state.  I've never been to Boise.  I cannot confirm whether or not it is a state.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

The Power Rye's Inaugural Official BS College Football Rankings

  1. LSU.  (6-0)  The "BS" stands for bat-shit crazy Les Miles.
  2. THE Ohio State University.  (6-0)  Terrelle Pryor's good, but he's no Jacory Harris.  Plus, impressive victories against ACC teams do not count.
  3. Nebraska.   (5-0)   Should waltz through the crappy Big 12 North.
  4. Oregon.  (6-0)  I actually like the uniforms.  Rose Bowl butt whooping still fresh in my mind.
  5. Michigan State.  (6-0)  The South Carolina of the midwest is due to implode any day now.
  6. South Carolina.  (4-1)  The Michigan State of the south is due to implode any day now.
  7. Oklahoma.  (5-0)  See Ohio State in regards to victories against ACC opponents.
  8. Alabama.  (5-1)  Evil schedule may bite them again before it's all over.
  9. Boise State.  (5-0)  Legally obligated to be included in any and all polls.  See Ohio State and Oklahoma for my opinion on the Va Tech victory.
  10. TCU.  (6-0)  #1 high school team in Texas.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Old Forester

This is a nice bourbon at $15 price range.  It' oaky and spicy, with a peppery finish that's enhanced by it's higher 86 proof.  I dont' love it straight, but it makes quite a nice Manhattan.  My post sip burp has a hint of vanilla.

Grade: C+
Manhattan Grade: B

Thursday, September 23, 2010

The Power Wry: Memo to Tennessee. Size Matters

Pittsburgh 19 - Tennessee 11

I packed up the family last weekend and headed to Tennessee to see my beloved Steelers take on one of our hated foes, the Tennessee Titans.  Quick aside.  If you have an infant.  There is no way that a 6 1/2 hour drive will go smoothly.  Plan for 9.

Mrs. Rye's cousins live in Clarksville and are season ticket holders, which means that when we play down there, they help me find a ticket.  This makes my second trip down south.  Two years ago, we went down there, lost, then went on to win the Superbowl.  So I got over it. 

After the game in '08.  Lendell White and Keith Bullock desecrated the Terrible Towel by stomping it into the mudd.  Bad hoo-doo ensued and the Titans went on to lose 8 straight games over two seasons, including a playoff game against the Ravens shortly after the evil deed was perpetrated.

At the  pregame tailgate, the Titans fans were confident. 
"I think that it's going to be a defensive game"
"You can't stop Chris Johnson and Vince Young"
Silly homers.

It's all going to come back to towels.  They have not learned their lesson.  The titans were handing out rip-off towels at the gate.  I grabbed one for myself and Cousin Barry was surprised that I took one.

Hey, it was hot.  I was sure that I would need it for a case of swamp nuts.

Pause in the story.  If you are going to an away game.  I recommend Tennessee.  People are friendly.  Their worst fans our angels compared to Northeast and Midwest football fans.  However, there is always one loudmouth that I end up having words with.

Set the stage.  Pittsburgh's winning.  The "Unstoppable" Chris Johnson is getting nowhere.  Finally, he busts loose for an 85 yard touchdown.  The crowd goes wild, except for Cousin Barry, who doesn't even cheer, he sees that a flag get has been thrown for holding.  Everyone but the two of us is standing up going wild.  He's sad.  I'm trying not to look too pleased.  After the call is made.  I can't help myself.  I pull a Buckeye-Hatin-Chris, stand up, wave the towel and yell "Cheaters!".  (Which always endears you with your opponents fans.)  This makes a guy in the row behind me say "Sit down Son and Be quiet!"

I was quiet for a few moments.  I'm with my wife's family.  Best behavior.  But if I don't say anything, this shit's going to eat at me for 5 years.  People who have watched games with me will not believe what I said next.

"I'm not swearing."  (This is the part that they won't believe.)  "And, I'm not your damned son."  Jesus I'm 37.  Shit 38.  I don't let my dad talk to me like this.
"This is our stadium, quit waving your damn towel."
Got ya jackass.  "You handed out towels at the gate!"

It all comes back to the towels.  YOI!

There is only one Terrible Towel.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Tales From the Top Shelf: Ron Atlantico Private Stock

Has anyone else noticed that there are a lot of guys named Ron making rum?

Turns out that Ron means Rum.  Ahhh.  Who knew?

My new found love of premium rums continues.  Ron Atlantico is an excellent premium rum, that is a blend of 15-25 year old rums that have been aged using the Solera system.  It's got vanilla, honey, and mint.  My only complaint is that there is a bit too much oak in the finish.  I prefer the Ron Zacapa, but Ron Atlantico has the advantage of being cheaper.

Cost: $34
Grade: A-

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

The Power Wry: The Pussification of the NFL Continues

Looks clean to me.  He had the ball when Suh wrapped him up.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Monday, August 16, 2010

Wry World of Sports Mid-August Edition

Last Week , the side-kick, aka Lebron, tweeted: "Don't think for one min that I haven't been taking mental notes of everyone taking shots at me this summer. And I mean everyone!"  Most people thought that he was referring to Charles Barkly, MJ, or the media.  I know who he's really talking about.  I'm the only one who remembers that he and D-Wade have hooked up before.  I remember the battle of Endor.

There's been some hullabaloo about somebody "grounded his club in a bunker" at the PGA championship.  First of all, golf is not a sport.  Second of all, that's what she said.  Finally, a Michael Scott moment.

Steelers fans have been stressed about offseason, hmm-hmm, issues.  Remember Steelers fans, you can say something that Bengals and Browns fans can't.  No one from our team has been arrested this year.

In the most exciting news of the summer, our softball team won the Columbus church league's equivalent to the NIT.  The hi-lite was World-Wide-Kev sending a bouncer into some poor girls face, causing the team that was whooping us in the semi-final to forfeit.  Piece of advice, if you don't got the glove, stay off of the hot corner.  She was all like, "hey, isn't that World-Wide-Kev?"  Then she was like "has anyone seen my left upper bicuspid?"  That's the way we roll in the co-ed church league.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

New Amsterdam Gin Revisited

The glorious day has finally arrived.  All of my not-so-hard work has paid off.  I have received a sample for review.

Free hooch.  Whoo-hoo!
I've reviewed New Amsterdam Gin before, and the original post can be found here.  I find it to be more of a cocktail gin.  It's more aromatic than the London Dry style that you are probably used to with the juniper flavor being more in the background.  Subsequently, I don't feel that it stands up well to tonic.  It does mix well with sweeter flavors. 

I gave a bottle to a friend for a gift last Christmas, and she didn't get to enjoy it because her sister pretty much sucked down the bottle.  I think that's a fine endorsement.

They have some pretty interesting cocktail ideas on their website.  I decided to throw my own recipe into the game; playing along with the New York theme.

The Mulberry Street Cooler  

  • 1/2 ounce basil syrup (boil equal parts sugar, water, and basil leaves until the sugar dissolves.  Refrigerate and enjoy)
  • 1 1/2 ounce of New Amsterdam Gin.
  • Add lots of ice and top with Lemon Soda.  I used Fever Tree Bitter Lemon


Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Tales from the top shelf: Mount Gay Extra Old Rum

I've been keeping this rum around for when the rum lovers that I know come for a visit.  It has a sweet vanilla flavor, and a warm oaky finish.  The rum is aged in bourbon barrels, which adds some nice spice.  When you exhale, you get banana.  If you are a rum lover, this ones for you.  I'm not a rum lover, and I still think that it's pretty good.

Cost: $40
Grade: B+

Monday, August 2, 2010

Going all in on the social media front

I'm finally taking Two Parts Rye out to the rest of the web.

You can follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/TwoPartsRye.  Time is of the essence these days, and it's a good outlet for the random insanity that pops into my head.

You can also find Two Parts Rye on facebook, but I don't know when I'll actually get around to spiffing that page up.  I will post here when it's worth checking out.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Today is National Scotch Day. Hence: Tales from the Top Shelf - The Balvenie 21

“Well, between Scotch and nothin', I suppose I'd take Scotch. It's the nearest thing to good moonshine I can find.” - William Faulkner

Which shows to show you that one of the following are true about William Faulkner
  1. He never drank moonshine.
  2. He never drank Scotch.
  3. He never drank Scotch nor Moonshine.
So, it's national Scotch day.  Whose nation?  Ours I guess.  I'm not sure that it's really a true national day. The whole thing may be a trick by Scotch distributors to get some free pub.  Today, it worked.

For those of you who are new to Two Parts Rye, Scotch isn't really my thing.  You see, I used to lead a double life.  Pretending that I like Scotch, yep, I wanted to be sophisticated.  But it was all a lie.  A LIE I TELL YOU.  I am now comfortable enough with myself to admit the truth.  The stuff tastes like someone left an old shoe in a perfectly good Irish Whiskey.  That was liberating.

You can decide for yourself as to whether or not that's a condemnation of Scotch, or my stinky feet.

From the web:  To create The Balvenie PortWood Aged 21 Years, a marriage of rare Balvenie is transferred to port casks, or pipes, which have held fine port wines. Here it is sampled regularly by The Balvenie Malt Master to ensure that just the right amount of character is imparted by the port casks, enhancing and developing the single malt whilst preserving its original characteristics.

Tasting Notes: Mint, leather, menthol, nutmeg, tobacco, and a hint of Doctor Scholl's.
Grade: B+

Theoretically, this will show up on The Balvenie's Facebook page.  If it does, we'll know that they never actually read this post, or they have a sense of humor.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Cocktail Test Drive: The Vesper

Scroll down two posts for the video for this recipe.

The Vesper is basically a variation on the Martini.  It has 3 shots of gin, 1 shot of vodka, which girlies it up a bit, and 1/2 a shot of fortified wine, in this case, Lillet Blanc.  I skipped the lemon twist because I don't have time for that crap.

This is not a cocktail for the pinkie out crowd.  It's booze, more booze, and a dash of more booze.  I approve.

Jim's Vesper (After she drowned)

3 Shots Gordons
1 Shot Vodka
1 Shot Lillet Blanc
1 dash of Grapefruit Bitters, in lieu of a lemon twist, because you don't garnish when you drink alone.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Gordon's London Dry Gin

Here's the second part of our exploration of the Vesper Cocktail.  I'd link to the recipe and the Kina Lillet review, but it's just one post down, you can handle the scrolling.  If you haven't read it yet, go ahead and check it out.

Gordon's Gin is the most popular gin in the world.  My research on the web says that it is made in 150 countries.  It's on the web, so it must be true.  My bottle was distilled in Norwalk, CT.  US of A.

Why is it so popular?  It's cheap.  At approximately $10 a bottle, you're not going to break the bank.  Flavor-wise, I get juniper.  Any other complexity that you may detect is merely wishful thinking.  As far as my house gin challenge goes, I'm sticking with Whitley Neill.

Grade: C
Cost Adjusted Grade: B

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

What in the world is Kina Lillet?

Once upon a time (way before this movie) it was a french aperitif, containing quinine, and it was sort of, kinda, not really made famous in Casino Royale.  Nowadays it's called Lillet Blanc.  The old recipe for Kina Lillet contained quinine, think tonic water.  Now it's a somewhat sweet and citrus flavored.  It makes me think of dry vermouth, except that it tastes good.  We'll be reviewing all of the ingredients for the Vesper cocktail, with the exception of the non-descript vodka.  So in other words, check back in later for a review of Gordon's Gin.

Cost: $18
Grade: B

Le Plus-Que-Parfait Manhattan

2 parts bourbon
1 part sweet vermouth
1 part lillet blanc
1 dash fee's west india orange bitters

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Wry Observations: Curb Side Recycling

What's wrong with this picture?

Thursday, July 8, 2010

LeKing is Dead. Long Live LeQueen

Have fun being D-Wade's errand boy quitter.

Oh yeah, he's an alien too.  I can't keep your secret any longer traitor.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Maker's 46

I stopped by the liquor store with the intentions of grabbing a bottle of Maker's Mark for the house bourbon challenge.  Lo-and-behold, we just got in Maker's Mark 46 and there wasn't much of it left in the store.  So, it got purchased instead.

Bit of history.  Maker's Mark has been a one product company for-since-1956 (If you ignore their the defunct Maker's Black, and Maker's Mint Julep).  This product uses the standard Maker's Mark as it's base, and ages it longer with wood staves to add more flavor.  It's called 46, because it uses No. 46 French Oak Staves.  God help us, our bourbon has been inspired by French bureaucracy.  It clocks in at 94 proof and has quite a burn.  Adding a splash of water reveals a nice cinnamon flavor.

Grade: B
Cost: $31.95

Monday, July 5, 2010

Sangria Blanca

We had company on Friday.  It was Cousin David's brother and Sister-In-Law.  Cousins Barry & Maggie.  They're adventurous eaters, so I take the opportunity to show off when they come to town.  It was a spanish style meal with tapas to start off, and finishing with a big dish of paella.  We were dangerously close to over-dosing on paprika.  The drink of the evening was a white wine sangria.

Let me go give you my recipe first, then I'll give you some earth shatteringly brilliant observations.

Jim's Sangria Blanca:

1 Bottle of Pinot Grigio
2 shots Grand Marnier
1 shot St. Germaine
2 shots Beefeater Summer Gin
1 shot Licor 43
Juice from 1 orange
Juice from 1lime
Orange and Lime slices
Chill and serve.

The first observation is that the there is a fine line between sangria and hairy buffalo.  I believe that a hairy buffalo party is a required prerequisite for any bachelors degree, and counts as 1 credit hour towards the general curriculum.

The second observation came to me because I had never made Sangria before.  Would this actually taste good?  What if it doesn't?  The answer is simple.  Just add ginger ale.  Ginger ale is the duct tape of the cocktail world.

This cocktail tastes like shit.
How bout a splash of ginger ale?
That ain't half-bad.

This recipe does not need ginger ale.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

This Means Something

Well we did it.  We've finally hit our 50th state.  Though not with rave reviews.  Wyoming is the last state to visit our glorious drinking blog, and they don't appreciate being called lame.

Allow me to quote the brave poster: Anonymous  "Good! Then stay the Hell out, we don't want you here anyway."

My first reaction is that I can't decide what surprises me more, that they have the internet in Wyoming, or that they have electricity.  What's next, indoor plumbing?

I was eating dinner tonight and it hit me.
Devil's Tower Wyoming is where the Alien Invasion of the NBA Started!
Of course they hate this blog.  I'm the one who exposed their sinister plot.  Take that Xenu.
Now the only question is, which one of these green blooded bastards is after me?

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Colorado Whiskey

I've had this on the shelf for a while and I wanted to review it.  I read something today that prompted me to get off the pot and get this post up.

Cigar Aficianado had a small article about American Craft Spirits.  In this article, Colorado Whiskey is described as tasting like a fine Single Malt Scotch.  No.  No.  No.  Scotch tastes like monkey butt.  This is fine spirit, crafted in the good old US-Of-A, that tastes like an Irish whiskey.  There is nothing smokey, peaty, or gangrenous toe about this whiskey.

It's got honey, cinnamon, toasted nuts, and mint.  The bottles have a pithy hand written note as to what was going on when they were bottled.  Mine says "Listening to '09 ALCS Game 4".

Grade: A-
Cost: $50

Why do I have Cigar Aficianado?  I had to burn expiring airline miles, and it was either that, or a subscription to Diabetes Forecast.

Friday, June 25, 2010

How a drunk guy in Louisiana saved my softball game

First, enjoy.

So, it's softball Sunday.  World Wide Kev is our pitcher, but as usual, he's out of town.  Once again I'm asking myself, just where in the hell is World Wide Kev?  The $6MMm is our sub pitcher.  It's the top of the 7th, were down, they got a lot folks on base with 1 out.  He's walked a batter or two and I could tell that he's kinda struggling.  Now as the coach, you gotta know how to motivate your players.

I yell to him, "This is almost as bad as the time you got arrested for drunk driving on a lawn mower"

We yell back and forth "I know my rights!"  It's even funnier because this is a church league and we're Methodists.

He mows down the next two batters, we rally for a 28-28 tie.  Tie's suck, but since it's World Cup season, we'll take the Canadian Victory.

In regards to the drunk guy on a lawnmower... The adventure continues.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

House Bourbon Challenge: Old Ezra 7 vs Buffalo Trace

Let's cut to the chase.  Old Ezra may be the best $10 whiskey that you will ever buy.  It's not good enough to displace Buffalo Trace as my go to house bourbon, but it's pretty darn good.

It clocks in at 101 proof, which is a bit too warm.  There's oak and cinnamon and nut flavor.  It's also  a little bit tannic.  Adding a splash of water helps with the heat and bitterness, and actually brings out some sweetness when drinking it "neat".

And that's the problem.  My house bourbon and rye are going to be used in a Manhattan.  With the higher proof, you end up adding more vermouth to counteract the heat, and the whole thing gets out of whack.  Can't have it.

Grade: C+
Cost: $10
Cost Adjusted Grade: B

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

What in the world is Beniikko?

From the web: 
Type: Honkaku - Distilled from Beni-Satsuma Sweet Potatoes

Beniikko is an unique Honkaku Shochu distilled from 100% Beni-Satsuma sweet potatoes. Unlike the most shochu that has been produced with Kome(rice)Koji Beniikko is made with Imo(sweet potatoes)Koji. This is the secret to the magnificent rich taste and smell.

Alcohol: 25%
Size: 750ml

Which leads me to ask: What in the world is Shochu?  Shochu is a distilled spirit from Japan that can be made from many raw materials.  Honkaku mens that it was made at a single distillery.  This particular beverage is made from the super special Beni-Satsuma sweet potato.  Wow that sounds great!

Well.... I would call it a raw vodka.  In this example, the flavor is a raw, unwashed sweet potato, which I will euphemistically describe as earthy.  I keep thinking that I don't like it.  But I've refilled my glass 4 times while doing this post.  I'm sure that I did that for purely scientific purposes.  My biggest gripe is the price.

Grade: B-
Cost: $35
Cost Adjusted Grade: C-

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

A Drinking Education

Two Parts Rye is one of the 50 Amazing Mixology Blogs.  Don't believe me?  Two years later, the assholes asked me to remove the link.  I come in at number 12, which is appropriate.  It's Terry Bradshaw's number.

That's two plugs in a row.  I promise to get back to drinkin' soon.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Drinking Made Easy

There are two people who I admire for having great career ideas.  The first is Mel Kiper, the original draftnik.  He made himself an expert on the college players entering the NFL draft.  He's a guy who had a great idea, and I'm jealous.

There is one man who has an ever better job than Mel, that's Zane Lamprey.  He's the clever/lucky bastard on the right.  Zane has been hosting a show called Three Sheets, in which he travels the world, getting drunk, and telling jokes.  That's right, he had the best idea ever.  It started off on a TV network called MOJO, which is now defunct.  It moved to the Fine Living Network after that.  I had never heard of FLN either, but was pleased to find it buried on the digital tier.  The show is now unofficially/officially moving to the Travel Channel for it's next season.  He's also filming a US centric version of the show for HDNet.

Why am I pimping this show?  Because I got comp'd for his Drinking Made Easy tour in Columbus on Wednesday.  (Thank you Kelly from bigMETHOD PR).  I took the $6MMm with me and we had a blast.  You are probably asking yourself, where in the world was World Wide Kev?  He was packing for a trip.  No shit.  He really was.

Now that my hangover has passed, I can talk about the show.  Here's the remaining tour schedule.

If you have ever seen Three Sheets, then you've got to go.  You'll have a great time.  His opening act is a comedian named Marc Ryan.  I've never heard of him either, but he's pretty damned funny.  After that, some poor schmoe in a Pleepleus costume comes out and does a few minutes of jokes.  Next is Steve McKenna , who does about 5 minutes of material, which basically consists of him drinking.  That's not a disappointing thing.  He's Steve McKenna, the quentisential drunk friend.  After that, Zane's act is basically a power point lesson on booze.  Good stuff.

If you like to have comedians make fun of you at their show.  I recommend that you wear a t-shirt with kittens on it.  You will be the center of attention.

I have to give the Newport Music Hall props for selling 32 oz Columbus Pale Drafts for $7.50.  That's a great concert bargain.

Grade: A

Monday, June 7, 2010

It tastes good, but it's the wrong shade of yellow

My friend Taylor over at Wine Enclave put up a post a while back about how he felt ripped off by buying a several bottles of wine that were highly rated by both Robert Park and Wine Advocate.  It made me wonder about the numbers behind these rating systems.

The 100 point wine scales is shrouded in mystery.  The higher the better.  Over 90 and its good.  That's all that I can tell you.  I find the categories on the beer sites like Beer Advocate and Beer Rating to be somewhat amusing.

Here are the factors at Beer Advocate.

Look: Who cares
Smell: Important
Taste: Important
Feel: Occassionaly interesting, but ultimately irrelevant.
Drink: Redudant combination of taste and feel.

Here at Two Parts Rye, our crack panel of experts, me, go by the tried and true method of I'm always right.  I have yet to disagree with any of my ratings.

There is one case where look is important.  Vino Verde.  It looks like bottled water.  Guess what it tastes like?

I'd like to buy a vowel Pat. I'll take a "W"

Tomas Watkin Cwrw Brâf  One of the "Great Ales of Wales".

Web Stuff: CWRW BRAF - (koo-roo-bràrve)

Cwrw Braf is a clean-drinking, amber-coloured ale with a light bitterness and gentle hop aroma.
A session bitter yet, with all the flavours and quality you would expect from a Tomos Watkin premium ale.
ABV 4.2%

Apparantly in Wales, vowels are optional.  It's an English Bitter.  Does anyone else think that English Bitters taste sweet?  It's drinkable, but I like my beers to have a bit more bite.  Especially when they call themselves bitter.

Grade: B-

Saturday, June 5, 2010

The Session #40: The Session

This months session is being hosted by Erik at Top Fermented.  The topic is session beer, a session about session, it's tripping me out.  Or maybe it's the fact that I just spent the day at the zoo with 5 toddlers and an infant.  Either way, I approve of session beer, and now that everyone is asleep, I'm enjoying a few brews myself.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Nigl Brut de Brut 2007

This is a quite tasty sparkler from Austria.  A blend of grüner and chardonnay.  This wine is tart, minerally, and rapidly disappearing from my glass.

Cost: $23.99
Grade: B

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Wyoming is officially the lamest state in America

Google Analytics has spoken.
Wyoming is the only state that has not visited Two Parts Rye.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Ron Zacapa Solera Gran Reserva 23

This will start off similar to my review of Po Traminer Di Poli Grappa.  Much like grappa, I don't like rum.  In general, I find it too sweet, and there's just something about the flavor that I don't like.  I saw this one in the store today, and for whatever reason, I was drawn to it.  I think that it has to do with it being a solera spirit.  Solera is an odd way of aging and blending spirits that is described well here.

It's aged at high altitudes in Guatemala and according to their web site, it's the cognac of rums.  I feel is an appropriate comparison. They use bourbon, wine and sherry barrels to help add to the complexity.  It's got herb, leather,orange zest, dried fruit, nuts, and some oak.

Cost: $40
Grade: A
Cost Adjusted Grade: A+

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Wry World of Sports: A stat that's hard to believe

Going into tonight's game, the Pirates are 4 games under .500, which is not surprising, because they stink.  Their run differential is -100.  That's mind-boggling.  That's a recipe for 5-35, not 18-22.  When they lose, they really get there asses handed to them.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Wry Slamma Jamma: De'Gloria, Glolante, or LeBron's Momante?

Rumor has it that there is a new celebrity power couple out there, and it's wild enough to turn Lebron into LeQuitter.  LeBron Jame's Mom, Gloria, is rumored to be hooking up with teammate Delonte West, causing him to tank the playoffs.  I predict that they will be the next Bradgelina/Bennifer.

Most sane people figure that this is a bullshit story.  I don't know.  What woman could resist a face like this?

In a league full of space aliens, he hails from the planet Yikes.

The Black Eyed Susan

The Preakness was last Saturday.  Unfortunately, a fussy Baby Rye did not allow me to get this cocktail up in time for the race.  The Black Eyed Susan is the traditional cocktail of The Preakness.  Like most cocktails, finding a definitive recipe is a challenge.  Most of the versions that I found used light rum as the base spirit, though I did find versions that used whiskey.  The rum is mixed with varying amounts of vodka, orange juice and sour mix.  Basically, it's a daiquiri.

Jim's Black Eyed Susan
2 parts Kracken Spiced Rum
1 part Triple Sec
1 part Limeade
1/2 part Orange Juice
Lots of ice

It's a tasty, "pinky out" drink with a kick.

Monday, May 17, 2010

He'Brew Lenny's RIPA on Rye

When you walk into the liquor store, and see a great beer like the He'Brew Lenny that's been aged in Sazerac barrels, you have two buy one.  In my case, you have to buy three.

I shared my first bottle with the $6MMm and a neighbor who is more of a wine drinker.  We all loved it.  The whiskey barrel smooths out the double IPA bitterness.  We all thought that it was an amazingly complex beer.  That's not shocking.  When you put a Rye IPA in Rye Whiskey barrels, you get Two Parts Rye.  How could it be anything less than awesome?

Grade: A

Monday, May 10, 2010

Wry Slamma Jamma: Rondo Revisited

You can't expect Mo Williams to guard this "guy".
The laws of physics mean nothing to him.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Wry World of Sports: Jay Cutler Tasered At Phillies Game

If that cop played for the Steelers, they would have made the playoffs this year.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Wry Slamma Jamma: Follow Lebron's Elbow on Twitter


Some Hi-Lites
  • LeBron is putting me on display at practice today. I am not a piece of meat. Now I know how Megan Fox's bagina feels...
  • No I'm not friends with Kevin Garnett's Elbow. We hung out once and all he did was make angry faces.
  • Home from the Clinic. Told me I'm bruised. I told them I was forged in the fires of Mordor so that is impossible. We're agreeing to disagree
  • MRI Results back. Just what I thought. They found no damage, a autograph from Jesus, the tears of Joakim Noah and a lightning bolt.

House Tonic Challenge: Fever Tree vs. 365

As a result of parenthood, I have been drinking a lot of gin-less tonics.  Fever Tree is a premium tonic that costs about $5.60 for 4-6.8 oz bottles.  365 is Whole Foods store brand, you get 6 12-oz cans for around $3.50.  So you get 3x the tonic for 1/2 the price.  Chalk up a point for the 365.

Basically, I'm drinking tonic water with a squeeze of lime juice.  Both tonics are made with cane sugar instead of corn syrup.  If you do your serving size math, the fever tree has slightly more sugar, but I think that the 365 tastes sweeter.  I like them both, but I gotta go with the value of the 365 brand.

365 is the new house tonic.  Yay!

What do you do if you don't have a Whole Foods in your town?  Move out of the sticks Bubba.

Wry World Of Sports: Mint Julep Time

I love the Kentucky Derby.  It's not that I love horse racing, though I do like it.  How many sporting events have an "Official" cocktail?  The Derby has the mint julep.

Most people don't like the drink, and I can't blame them.  Typically you are given a glass of cheap bourbon and mint leaves.  Tastes like watered down cheap bourbon and grass.  Yummm.

Jim's Mint Julep is another beast.  Last night I made some mint syrup.  Which is as easy as boiling water.  It's what separates my cocktail from the riff-raff in the infield.
  • Boil equal parts sugar and water with fresh mint until the sugar dissolves.  Let it cool and refrigerate for at least 8 hours. 
  • Mix syrup and bourbon in whatever portion you like.  I prever 3 shots of bourbon to 1 shot of syrup.
  • Add ice and stir.
  • Garnish with mint.  Take a picture for your blog.  Throw away the garnish.
Race Prediction:  In a "weak" field like this, bet on the jockey.
  1. Super Saver for the win.  (Calvin Borel)
  2. Paddy O'Prado to place (Ken Desormeaux)
  3. Devil May Care to show (John Velazquez) 
Update!  I called the winner and my place horse ended up showing.  That's why I never bet the trifecta.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Wry Slamma Jamma: Joakim Noah is a Klingon

A chick Klingon...
Enjoy the offseason punk.

I have to admit, that he's a much better pro than I thought he'd be.

Cinnamon Infused Rye

Several years ago I read an article in the New York Times about how they were reviving the tradition of making rye whiskey at Mount Vernon, the home of George Washington.  In the article, it mentioned that Washington made cinnamon extracts with his rye, and I had to try it.

What Washington probably didn't do was throw it in a jar and completely forget about it for a few years.  I broke it out tonight, and boy oh boy is this dangerous.  It tastes like pure cinnamon.  Kind of like Firewater without the heat.  It pours an interesting ruby color and turns cloudy when ice is added.  I made a Manhattan with it, replacing the Angostura with Fee's Orange Bitters.  I'm going to have to do this again on a larger scale (I only had a few shots in a tiny jar), and not forget about it this time.  You should give this one a try yourself.