The Power Wry 10-31-11 Halloween BS Ranking. Powered by too much candy! And beer. And bourbon.

Ohio State 33.  Wisconsin 20
Best game that I have ever attended.
This is using the NBA standard,
Which means that only the last 5 minutes are worth watching.

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Two days later, I pinch off a post.

1. LSU Bye.  Stayed home to prepare for the national title game against Alabama.
2. Alabama Bye.  Stayed home to prepare for the national title game against LSU.  Buckeye Hating Chris would have you believe that they already won it in Happy Valley.
3. Oklahoma State (8-0) Defeated Baylor 59-24.  All SEC top 3.  Cowboys and Bears.  Did they bring back John Madden to call this game?
4. Stanford (7-0) Defeated USC 56-48.  Jim Harbaugh and Pete Carroll spent the entire game yelling "Go for 2!".
5. Oregon (7-1) Defeated Washington State 43-28.  Yawn.
6. Arkansas (7-1) Defeated Vanderbilt 31-28.  Thereby getting revenge on E. Gordon Gee for the Sugar Bowl loss.  One University President's job removed.
7. Oklahoma (7-1) Defeated Kansas State 58-17.
8. Boise State (7-0) Did not play.  Strength of schedule improves.  They still drop 1 spot.
9. Nebraska (7-1) Defeated Michigan State 24-3.  And once again, Michigan State sees another promising season flushed down the shitter.
10. South Carolina (7-1) Defeated Tennessee 14-3.  I should drop you 10 spots for only hanging 14 on UT.

The Power Rye 10-24-11 BS Ranking

It's not college football, but for any Ohio State fan who thinks that they are tedious to watch this year, like me.  Try watching the Cleveland Browns vs the Seattle Seahawks.  Poopy, poopy, poopy.

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Two days later, I pinch off a post.

1. LSU (8-0) Defeated Auburn 45-19.  The NCAA let Auburn off the hook, but the rest of the SEC has not.
2. Alabama (8-0) Defeated Tennessee 37-6.  I've run out of Tennessee jokes.  I only had one.  And it was bad.  See last week.
3. Oklahoma State (7-0) Defeated Missouri 45-24.  The Big 12 (10(9)) conference presents the SEC game of the week.
4. Stanford (7-0) Defeated Washington 65-21.  Most people don't know this, kids that can't get into Stanford, go to a JUCO named Lamont.  It's full of big dummies.
5. Clemson (8-0) Defeated North Carolina 58-38.  "Clemson and Clover" is my favorite song by Tommy James and the Shondells.
6. Oregon (6-1) Defeated Colorado 45-2.  Two?  Two!
7. Boise St. (7-0) Defeated Air Force 37-26.
8. Michigan State (6-1) Defeated Wisconsin (37-31).  First of all, good call by the replay booth.  Second of all, how in the hell did you lose to fucking Notre Dame?  Was it alumni day and you let Curtis Painter play for fun?  Seriously that S.O.B. damn near cost me my fantasy league game two weeks in a row.  First, he gives the Bengals defense 10 points in the last two minutes of the game (2 int's, one was a pick-6, I lose by less than a point).  This week, I'm up by 70 going into last night's game, and my opponent has Jimmy Graham, Darren Sproles, and John Kasay, and that sorry excuse for a qb can't get a damn first down.  Wait a minute.  Curtis Painter played for Purdue.  Sorry Sparty.  That still doesn't get you off the hook for losing to Notre Dame.
9. Oklahoma (6-1) Lost to Texas Tech (41-38).  The key to the Tech Victory.  Craig James's kid is still locked in the broom closet.
10. Wisconsin (6-1) Lost to the Curtis Painter led Michigan State Spartans.  Whoops.

John L Sullivan Whiskey

This is a nice entry level Irish whiskey that is not named Bushmill's or Jameson's.  It is aged in Bourbon Barrels, that are only used for their whiskey for once.  It is pretty tasty and some of the bourbon flavor comes through under the standard barley flavor of an Irish Whiskey.

The whiskey is named after an Irish-American ass-kicker.  He was the last bare knuckle boxing champion in history, and since he didn't retire, the first gloved champion.  His last fight bare-knuckled fight, which is on the label lasted 75 rounds, after 77, they go to the judges' score cards.

I really wanted to add a joke about him beating up on
Leonardo DiCaprio, but I couldn't find a good image.
You have to admit, that his hat and mustache must have
been reincarnated for Gangs of New York.

The Power Wry 10-17-11 BS Ranking

In non-ranking news, and since they won't be seeing this countdown this year, I would be remiss if I didn't mention that Ohio State set offensive football back 80 years by going 1 of 4 passing and winning.  Egads.  That says a lot about Illi-noise and even more about the 6 teams that they beat.

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Two days later, I pinch off a post.

1. LSU (7-0) Defeated Tennesee 38-7.  It used to be that you couldn't spell citrus without "UT", now it's "B-UT, we scored this week."
2. Alabama (7-0) Defeated Mississippi 52-7.  Because they are awesome.
3. Oklahoma (6-0) Defeated Kansas 47-17.  The program hasn't been the same since Roy Williams left for North Carolina.
4. Wisconsin (6-0) Defeated Indiana 59-7.  At least they didn't run up the score this year.
5. Oklahoma State (6-0) Defeated Texas 38-26.  What the hell happened to Texas?  Did they lose 30 scholarships and nobody told us.  Did Vince Young have to give back Reggie Bush's Heisman?
6. Boise (6-0) Defeated Colorado State 63-13.  I dropped them because I thought that they had beaten Colorado, which lost to Ohio State.  I have realized my mistake, but fuck-em anyway.
7. Stanford (6-0) Defeated Washington State 44-14.  Their star qb was recently disappointed to find out that the "Suck For Luck" sweepstakes does not involve fellatio.
8. Clemson (7-0) Defeated Maryland 56-45.  Clemson Tide is my favorite non-Sean Connery sub movie.
9. Arkansas (5-1) Did not play.  Well played.
10. Michigan State (5-1) Defeated Michigan (28-14).  Suck it Michigan.

Wry World of Sports: 3/5 of BoSox Rotation Finds Baseball To Be Just As Boring As You Do

We're just sitting here; waiting to die.

To the surprise of no one under the age of 70, baseball players find the game to be a dull, ponderous, soul crushing waste of time, just like the 99% of Americans not on Social Security.

Who could blame Boston Red Sox Pitchers Josh Beckett, Jon Lester, and John Lackey for drinking beer, eating chicken, and playing video games on days when they were not playing.  Fortunately, the three were available for comment.

Josh Becket: "You should see how much I have to drink to get through the days that I have to play this stupid game."

Jon Lester:  "I actually had to miss some Monday Night Football because we were playing on the same night.  How fucked up is that?"

John Lackey:  "How long is the season?  I think it's 500 games.  Feels like a million.  We start in April, and finish the world series at around... shit, I've pitched in the world series; I think it was around Christmas.  It had to be around Christmas because people were dressed in funny costumes in the stands.  Whatever, I was drunk."

Nothing

So Mrs. Rye asks:  What did you spill on the floor?  (TV Room)
Nothing!

The Nothing cocktail:

In a large rocks glass

• Add ice
• 2 shots of OYO Vanilla Bean Vodka
• 1/2 shot of Benedictine
• Top with lemon soda

She actually thought that was funny.

The Power Wry 10-10-11 BS Ranking

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Two days later, I pinch off a post.

1. LSU (5-0) Defeated Florida 41-11.  When you punter taunts at the end of a 40+ yard run, you're #1 in my book.
2. Alabama (5-0) Defeated Vanderbilt 44-0.  Nice to see that they are not coasting after that big victory at Penn State a few weeks ago.
3. Wisconsin (6-0) did not play. +1
4. Oklahoma (6-0) defeated Texas (55-17)  The fact that a shitty Ohio State team should have beaten Nebraska this week, lessens the Big 12 (10)'s stock.  I know that Nebraska is now in the Big 10 (12), but they've only been there for two weeks.
5. Boise St. (5-0) Defeated Fresno St 57-7.
6. Oklahoma State (5-0) Defeated Kansas 70-28.  It's a good thing for them that Mark May didn't go to Kansas.
7. Stanford (4-0) Defeated Colorado 48-7.  You drop because you beat a team that lost to Ohio State.
8. Clemson (6-0) Defeated Boston College 36-14.  Will somebody beat these guys so I can have an ACC-free top 10.
9. Arkansas (4-1) Defeated Auburn 38-14.  Does anyone miss Ryan Mallett?  Of course you don't.
10. Michigan (5-0) / Michigan State (4-1).  One of these teams will not be heard from again in this poll.  The other will also have the screen door hit them in the ass in a couple of weeks.

Pardon me, do you know where I can find some Yuengling?

It looks like they expect Columbus to be excited about Ohio finally getting Yuengling.

They are right.

Except for World-Wide-Kev, who is at most a-flutter, because he only likes the Black & Tan.

Wry World of Sports: ESPN executives shocked to find out that Hank Williams Jr is just another dumb ass redneck

Earlier today, ESPN executives announced that they are dropping Hank Williams Jr's oh-so-fresh "All my rowdy friends are coming over tonight" from Monday Night Football.  Junior apparently compared Obama to Hitler and made some other dumb-ass comments on Fox News (Gasp, shock, Fox News).

We spoke to a made-up ESPN executive earlier today for comments.

"We at ESPN are shocked to learn that Hank Williams Jr. does not support our politically correct agenda.  We would have thought that the man who sang "A Boy Named Sue", the theme song of transgenders everywhere, would be a bit more sensitive to the trouble facing our nation."  (editor's note.  "A Boy Named Sue" is actually a Johnny Cash song and is more about kicking ass than anything else.)


Neither Hank Jr, or the mountain that he did a face-plant off of could be reached for comment.

Now, if we could just get Faith Hill to say something stupid, we could get the Sunday night games started earlier too.

The Power Rye 2011 BS Rankings are Back Baby!

Hey there college football fans.  I don't know what it's been like with your program this past off-season, but man, it sure has been boring in Columbus.

• By boring, I mean that we are suffering a death by a 1000 cuts as in every week we get another not so bad NCAA violation, but the shit just adds up.

To top it off, every week I get to see the worst offensive line play in football on Saturday while watching the Bucks and on Sunday while watching the Steelers.  It's enough to make a football fan drink, which is of course why this blog exists.

For those of you who do not remember...
The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Two days later, I pinch off a post.


One more thing SEC/Michigan/Other suck-ass school fans, the university may have vacated all of the wins from last year.  I have not.

1. Alabama (5-0) defeated Florida 38-10.  It's a what have you done for me lately ranking, and sorry LSU and Oklahoma, they had the best win this week.
2. LSU (5-0) Defeated Kentucky 35-7.  LSU had the most impressive early schedule and would have been ranked #1, if not for the fact that one of the teams that they beat was West Virginia.
3. Oklahoma (4-0) Defeated Ball State 62-6 and nobody gives a shit.
4. Wisconsin (5-0) Defeated Nebraska 48-17.  Wisconsin has taken a lot of heat for their soft non-conference schedule, but I think that it prepped them perfectly for Big 10 play.
5. Boise St (4-0) Defeated Nevada 30-10.  Do you remember the glory days of Boise in 2009 when they would have won by 40?
6. Stanford (4-0) Defeated UCLA 45-19.  Several bad NFL teams are asking you to be careful with their next qb.
7. Clemson (5-0) Defeated Va Tech 23-3.  And the football world is shocked that it actually took 5 weeks for Virginia Tech to be exposed.
8. and 9, and 10 go to SouthCaroliMichiTexArkanaBraskaTech State.  It is still to early to sort out the also-rans.

They really need to start selling alcohol at OSU Games

• It was a beautiful sight at halftime today to see all of the other teams at Ohio State come out and thank the football program for funding their crappy little sports.  Unfortunately, the football team didn't show up to say you're welcome.
• I think that in order to fix our offense, we have to start breaking tendencies, right now, we tend to suck.
• Freshman Braxton Miller got beaten like a pinata today.  The Campus Police filed charges of child endangerment in the second quarter.  Later on, they put in Joe Bauserman and charges of abusing the elderly were added.
• I'm looking forward to taking back all of the bad things that I've said about Urban Meyer on this blog.
• Speaking of assholes, Terrell Pryor was a much better qb than he ever got credit for in these parts.
• Speaking of assholes, ditto for Tressel as a coach.