The Power Wry Week 9: OSU gives PSU a Lower Sundusky

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Before I sober up, I pinch off a post.

This week's Power Wry is brought to you by a 4 Roses Manhattan.  For those who are wondering about the difference between a Lower and an Upper Sundusky, with an Upper Sandusky, you get kissed on the neck before Joe Pa turns his back on you.

1. Oregon (8-0) Defeated UCLA 42-14.  Another tough loss for Jim Mora JUNIOR. He hates that.
2. Alabama (8-0) Beat Tennessee 45-10.  That can't be correct.  The Titans were on a bye last week.
3. Florida State (7-0) Beat NC State 49-17.  NC State, never heard of a state named NC.  Must be one of those Canadian teams.  Did they use the big field?
4. Ohio State (8-0) Beat Penn State 63-14.  It was the humane thing to do.
5. Miami (7-0) Beat Wake Forest 24-21.  I considered dropping you this week, but I decided that I would wait for your beat down at the hand of FSU.  (Dear Miami, I hope that you win.)
6. Baylor (7-0) Defeated Kansas 59-14.  Charlie Weiss was in a sugar comma from a pre-Halloween candy binge.
7. Clemson (7-1) Defeated Maryland 40-27.  They would have scored more points, but Tajh Boyd was in a sugar comma from a pre-Halloween candy binge.
8. Wisconsin (7-1 6-2) Did not play.
9. Oklahoma! (7-1) Defeated Texas Tech 38-10.  Texas Tech is the Devry of Texas.
10. Texas A&M, Michigan St, Northern Illinois have another week to impress me.