The Power Wry 2012 Week 5 College Football Rankings: Who's Number 1? The world and WWK want to know?

Unlike the other dumb ass college football rankings that start in the preseason.  This Dumb ass waits five weeks to show you that he doesn't know dick.

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Two days later, I pinch off a post.

1. Oregon (4-0) Defeated Washington State 51-26: I actually have much respect for the PAC-12 this year.  That's right SEC.
2. Alabama (4-0) Defeated Mississippi 33-14: 4 S's * 2 P's raised I to the 4th Power + M.  Sounds about right.
3. South Carolina (5-0) Defeated Kentucky 38-17.  John Calipari had his team in contention at the turn, but a couple of bottles of Dom and a steak sandwich and... a steak sandwich charged to the Underhill's account rallied Steve Spurrier's team to victory.
4. Florida State (5-0) I thought that I could get by without a small conference team in the rankings, but that ACC has some athletes.
5. West Virginia (4-0) Defeated Baylor 70-63.  Lost in the 70 points of offense, was the 63 points surrendered to an RG III-less Baylor.  WVU, pride of the BIG 12(East-$$$$ really wanted to be in the ACC Suck it Louisville)
6. Kansas State (4-0) Did not play, as always, well played.
7. Georgia (5-0) Defeated Tennessee 51-44.  Mister Windell suffered an ACL sprain at the end of the 3rd quarter, dooming the Vols.
8. Texas (4-0) Defeated Okie State 41-36.  Looking forward to that Oct-Nov collapse.
9. Ohio State (5-0) Defeated Michigan State 17-16.  Homer.
10. Oregon State (3-0) Defeated Arizona 38-35.  Any team that has beaten Wisconsin is ok in my book.

Watershed Bourbon Barrel Gin

Last month I saw a tweet from Watershed inviting folks to a premier party for the bourbon barrel aged gin.  The party started at 11 and the gin was unveiled at midnight.  For me, this was an I'm too old for that crap moment. So I waited an additional week and bought it at the liquor store.  Was this story relevant?  Nope.

I have been anxiously awaiting this gin since I first heard about it a few months ago.  I was hoping for a Reese Cup Chocolate and Peanut Butter epiphany.  It's not that.  I get more smokey wood than bourbon notes when I taste it.  I've been trying to figure out if it would work bet in a gin or bourbon cocktail.  In the end, keep it simple and make a martini is the best thing to do.  I admit that after my second martini, I might be getting the vanilla sweetness from the bourbon.  There is the lesson for you.  When in doubt, drink more.

It tastes like their regular gin, which is good, with a light wood flavor in the finish.

Long Sleeves are for Pansies Martini

• 4 oz Bourbon Barrel Gin
• 1/8 oz sweet vermouth (using Cocci Vermouth di Tourino)
• STIR with ice and strain
• Rim the glass and garnish with a lemon twist

13th Colony Southern Corn Whiskey

I'll start off by saying that this is really tasty.  The first thing that I wondered when I saw this is why it was called Corn Whiskey instead of Bourbon.  Bourbon Enthusiast speculated a couple of years ago that they aged the whiskey in used bourbon barrels.  I expect that they are correct.  It looks like white wine in the glass, but it has some welcomed roughness of flavor.  It is bottled at 95 proof, and I usually recommend cutting at that strength.  This one is perfect neat.  I've tried it in a julep and a Manhattan and feel that gets lost when mixed.  Love it as a sipper.

Lots and lots of corn with some rough oak edges and heat in the finish.  Recommended at $30.

A View from the cheap seats: OSU vs Cal

My sugar mamma's hooked me up with the seats this year.

A Nation Mourns a Tragic Hero: Art Modell 1925-2012

Today, a nation mourns the passing of a tragic hero.  A man who did all that he could to destroy a blight, and in the end, caused even more harm than he could have imagined.

Art Modell purchased the Cleveland Browns in 1961.  After two short years, he began his quest to rid the world of the Cleveland Browns by firing one of the greatest coaches in the history of football, Paul Brown.  Little did he know, the Browns would continue to thrive in the short term, winning the NFL championship in 1964, giving Cleveland it's last moment of happiness.  Even worse, Paul Brown would found the Cincinnati Bengals, creating a fan base almost as low-brow as the Browns fan.

For a while, it appeared that Modell would overcome this adversity.  The Browns were awful in for most of the late sixties through early eighties.  But his plan to bring in the slow footed and weak armed Bernie Kosar as his quarterback in 1984 failed; the franchise sank into relative success.  He was often quoted as saying, "Thank God for John Elway."

In 1996, it appeared that he had finally triumphed.  The Cleveland Browns were moved to Baltimore.  But the NFL, influenced by a young intern named Roger Goodell, kept the name and history of the Cleveland Browns and awarded the city with a new franchise.  Modell also unwittingly unleashed a new class of asshole on the nation: the Ravens fan.  The Ravens fan is like the kid who had his lunch money stolen from the bully, who made himself feel better by stealing the lunch money of a Kinder-gardener   In 2000, Modell's Ravens won Super Bowl XXXV, successfully scarring the psyche of Clevelanders, but sadly giving the Ravens fan the validation that they longed for.

It was not all tragedy, even though the Browns came back into existence in 1999, they have been the laughing stock of football for more than a decade.  They have been perennially trounced by their "rival", the Pittsburgh Steelers.  Last winning in Cleveland on December 10, 2009, on a night when hell literally froze over.

The Steeler Nation wishes you Gods Speed Art Modell. We hope that in heaven, there is no "Red Right 88", no "The Drive", no "The Fumble".  We can all agree.  Go fuck yourself Cleveland.

Blackberry Cobbler

This is one of those not at all practical cocktails that annoy me when I read about them.

It all started with the August issue of Mutineer magazine, which had a recipe for making Blackberry gin.  (Gin, lots of blackberries, sugar, time, couldn't fine a good link.)  After letting it age for a month, I have one hell of an extract.  I also have 1 pint of 80 proof blackberries, which leads us to where we are now.

Blackberry cobbler:

1. Muddle 6 gin soaked blackberries with 1/2 oz cardamon syrup (water, 4 cardamon pods, sugar, a day worth of extract time)
2. Add 2 oz Russel's Rye
3. Shake, strain into an ice filled rocks glass.

Cobblers are actually a type of cocktail which get their name from the cobble stone shaped pieces of ice in the glass.  See what I did there.

I tried to make a flip version of this cocktail, same recipe + pasteurized egg white.  There may be an Cement-Mixer-Non-Salmonella explanation as to why it is grey, but I won't be exploring it.