Boomer Esiason Offends Chihuahua-Americans by comparing them to crappy Jets QB

Earlier today, Broadcaster, and former Jets quarterback Boomer Esiason created a controversy by comparing Chihuahuas to current jets QB Mark Sanchez, stating "If you watched Mark Sanchez the last month of the season, he was like a chihuahua standing on Madison Avenue and 36th Street entering the Midtown Tunnel, eyes bigger than you-know-what, and just so shaky."  The Taco Bell dog has issued a series of statements on behalf of all of those wronged little rats, I mean dogs.

• First things first.  When we get shaky, we crap in Gucci & Gabbana purse, not down our legs like that guy.
• Do you think a Chihuahua would take that shit from Santonio Holmes.  I would gnaw his ankle so hard, he'd need a second blunt for breakfast to forget the pain.
• The only thing that we have in common with Mark Sanchez, is that we both know what Paris Hilton's snatch smells like.  Why am I suddenly in a mood for a Snausage?
• You better sleep with one eye open Norman.

Wry Slamma Jamma: The mother ship has dropped a load in Bloomington

A little time in the sun and some "Just for Hynerian" hair
coloring won't fool me you shifty alien scum.

Clément Créole Shrubb

Back in the day, I did an orange liqueur challenge, reviewing triple sec, cointreau, and Citron Patronage in different cocktails.  Since then, I have used Grand Marnier in many cocktails, and I have also reviewed D.O.M. Benedictine and buried it on the chick shelf.  I'm happy to say that I've found my 80 proof orange mixer.

Needless to say, this review is assuming that you have actually drunk a few drinks.

It' not crazy spicy like like the D.O.M.  It's not nearly as sweet as Grand Marnier or any of the other Curacao's that I have tried.

It's just right, which is saying something with liqueurs.  In summary.

• Clément Créole Shrubb is the shit.
• All that other shit is just shit.  This shit, is the shit.

Power Rye: The Whole James Harrison Thing

I've been stewing on this topic for 3 weeks now.  I've thought about making many of the following points/rants.  It's going to be a rant.

• The NFL is getting too pussed up, but I'm hooked on it like crack and can't give up my first love.
• Dear Colt McCoy, next time, do what Manning did for 12 years and duck.
• Screw Roger the Clown.
• Screw Mike Greenberg and everyone else at ESPN.
• Dear James, I'm with you, but feel free to start popping spleens and puncturing lungs instead of ringing bells.  The man has beat us down.

I'm going to vent the last of my frustration against ESPN and the whole LOL tweet debacle.  First of all, they cherry picked the scariest image that they could find to put next to hist tweet, but why not use his actual twitter image?  Because it doesn't fit the story that they want to sell!

What a monster.

Woodford Reserve Rare Rye

This year's Woodford Reserve's Masters Collection brings you not one, but two Rye whiskeys.  One aged in a new barrel, and another aged in a used rye barrel.  (Technically the used barrel is not legally a rye whiskey, but who gives a shit.)  Both are loved by frakking cylons?

This is the second time that I've tried one of the masters collections.  The other was the sweet mash, which I was so annoyed with, due to price and suckiness, I have not taken the time to review it.  Yet.  You're times coming.  The point is, yes there is a point, these rye's has a bit of the same leathery flavor that comes through in that bourbon.  I'm not sure if the other collections share this trait.

These both must be pretty good.  When I took my first sips earlier this evening, I really liked the New Cask and thought that the Aged Cask tasted like a thin scotch. Now, I've flipped and find the aged to be quite nice.  The new cask has spice and citrus notes.  The aged cask is vanilla and dates.  All in all, good stuff.

Colonel E.H. Taylor Single Barrel

If you actually care about the history, link.  This whiskey is bottled in bond, which means that it has met certain government standards about how it was made and aged and it is bottled at 100 proof.  Most people don't know that there are also very specific standards in the actual work force.  Below is an image of your typical "bottled in bond" plant worker.

Much more effective than a hair net.  Fittingly, this is a rough tasting bourbon.  Very oaky and smokey.  And the high proof kind of kills your taste buds.  I had thoughts on the flavor at the beginning of the glass (not too shabby), but now it's all alcohol.  There is not really much point in recommending it or not recommending it because it's one of those limited runs that you either lucked into by now or it's too late.

The Power Wry 12-5-11 BS Ranking: Rematches suck

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Two days later, I pinch off a post.

1. LSU (13-0) Defeated Georgia 42-10.  Duh.
2. Oklahoma State (11-1) Defeated Oklahoma 44-10.  The BS Championship game will be in my back yard on January 9th at 7:00 EST, so folks can actually watch the game and still get up for work the next day.  If you guys do decide to show up, please send an e-mail or tweet so I can let my wife know that we are expecting company.
3. Alabama (12-1) Did not play.  Not well played.  -1.
4. Stanford (11-1) Did not play.  Pass.
5. Oregon (11-2) Defeated UCLA 49-31.  They had to beat the ugly friend since USC was grounded.
6. Wisconsin (11-2) Defeated Michigan State 42-39.  Winning the inaugural Big 10 (12) conference championship game and earning an Oscar nomination for best supporting not-really-a-football-player (punter).
7. South Carolina (9-2) Did not play. +1.  That's how you do it 'Bama.  The old ball coach still gots it.
8. USC (9-2) Grounded. -3.
9. Clemson (9-3) Any team that exposes (i.e. opens a can of whoop ass) Va. Tech twice in one year is alright with me.
10. Michigan (10-2)  I've had it with fucking bullshit conference pride.  We have Urban now.  Fuck you Michigan.  I'm going back to the good old days when I hated all other 9(10(11)) teams in the Big 10(11(12)). Go Hokies!  (You suck too)  Don't think that I forgot you Fucky.  Stanford by 20.

The Power Wry 11-28-11 BS Ranking: Urban Meyer is no Longer a Dick

We have reassessed the situation, and he has been reclassified as "Driven."  By we, I mean the royal we, as in that guy at Two Parts Rye is a royal asshole.

1. LSU (12-0) Defeated Arkansas 41-17.  No truth to the rumor that Bobby Petrino quit at halftime.  You can see how that rumor came about, because he is a big quitter.  As a matter of fact, he's quitting the top 10 this week.
2. Oklahoma State (10-1) Did not play.  You sneaky bastards.
3. Alabama (11-1) Defeated Auburn 42-14.  And no trees were harmed in the process.
4. Stanford (11-1) Defeated Notre Dame 28-14.  You should have hired Urban Meyer a few years ago. Oh yeah, he turned down the job.  Hmmm.
5. USC (9-2) Defeated UCLA by a whole bunch.  Sanctions, we don't need no stinking sanctions.  Really, we don't.
6. Houston (12-0) Defeated Tulsa 48-16.  Underachievers.
7. Oregon (10-2) Defeated Oregon State 49-21.  The Lewis vs Clark bowl.
8. South Carolina (9-2) Defeated Clemson 34-13.  Spurrier gave himself the game ball.  Again.
9. Michigan State (10-2) Defeated Northwestern 31-17.  Token Big 10(12) team.
10. Virginia Tech (11-1) Defeated Virginia 38-0.  Pollsters have put them in the top 5, which goes to show that this is the only ranking worth reading.

The Power Wry 11-21-11 BS Ranking

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Two days later, I pinch off a post.

1. LSU (11-0) Defeated Mississippi 52-3.  LSU actually took a knee with 5 minutes left in the game.  Love it.
2. Arkansas (10-1) Defeated Mississippi State 44-17.  Not a good week for ss-ss-pp.
3. Alabama (10-1) Defeated Georgia Southern 45-21.  You let a 1-AA team hang 21 on you.  You get leap-frogged.
4. Georgia (9-2) Defeated Kentucky 19-10.  Georgia leaps into the rankings.  I've ignored them all year because I remember the first 2 weeks of the season.  This week didn't help, but did you see the rest of the games?
5. South Carolina (9-2) Defeated The Citadel 41-20.  SEC East, just like your crappy conference, but warmer.
6. Houston (11-0) Defeated SMU 37-7.  I promised to drop you last week, and I really wanted to baby.  You know I did.  It's just that, the state of Oklahoma had a bad day.  You know I'll put you in your place next week, right?  Don't you baby?
7. 7-10 suspended due to give me a fucking break.

A Sad Sign of the Times

During this holiday season,please remember the needy.
Like Buckeye Hating Chris,World Wide Kev,the 6 Million Dollar Man,
and all the others who cannot find more Christmas Ale.

Philip Rivers is Muno

If you are at work, do not panic.
There are not two dildos on your screen.
There is a dildo and Muno from Yo Gabba Gabba.

The Power Rye 11-14-11 Ranking Bye-Bye-Boise

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Two days later, I pinch off a post.

1. LSU (10-0) Defeated Western Kentucky 42-9.  Western Kentucky is the very thin part of the state, otherwise known as the pencil dick of the south.  Or is that Spurrier's nickname?
2. Oklahoma State (10-0) Defeated Texas Tech 66-6.  Excuse me while I consult the book of revelations to see what this means.
3. Alabama (9-1) Defeated Mississippi State 24-7.  Here's a little behind-the-scenes on the ranking.  Sometimes I get stuck trying to come up with a smart-assed comment, and come back to that team or teams when I'm done.  I got nothing for this one and my drink is almost empty.  At least you learned something useless.
4. Oregon (9-1) Defeated Stanford 52-30.  Luck is a can't miss prospect, which means that the Colts will suck for 10 more years.
5. Oklahoma (8-1) Did not play.  As always +1.
6. Arkansas (9-1) Defeated Tennessee 49-7.  Penn State is sending representatives to UT to find out how you fill a 100k stadium year after year when you suck.
7. Clemson (9-1) Defeated Wake Forest 31-28.  I can't believe that I have an ACC team ranked this high, this late in the season.
8. Houston (10-0) Defeated Tulane 73-17.  73 points.  I like your style.  You can be my new Boise.  Next week, you will be ranked 9th.
9. South Carolina (9-2) Defeated Florida 17-12.  It could be worse Florida, you could have lost to Purdue.
10. Virginia Tech (9-1) Defeated Georgia Tech 37-26.  Seriously.  Two ACC teams.

Joe Flacco is Brobee

We continue to present evidence of the invasion of football by monsters.

Once again, this has absolutely nothing to do with the Steelers choking the game away against the Ravens.

Caorunn Scottish gin

Pronounced Ka-roon.

So what is scottish gin.  It's London Dry gin with...

One part rowan berry

One part heather

One part bog myrtle

One part dandelion

One part coul blush apple

It's actually quite pleasant.  It tastes a bit lighter than a London Dry, with some citrus flavor and a bit of sweetness.  It does not make me wince when I drink it neat, which is always a sign of a quality gin.  Well done.

Terrell Suggs is the Flukeman

I have kept a diligent watch out for aliens invading our basketball courts.  Now that the NBA is in a lockout, and nobody has noticed, we face an even more dangerous foe.  Monsters have invaded football.  I think that you will agree, the evidence is undeniable.

This post has nothing to do with me being pissed that the Steelers choked the game away with 8 seconds to go last night.

The Power Rye: 11/7/2011 BS Rankings. PSU. Dude! WFT! Dude!

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Two days later, I pinch off a post.

1. LSU (9-0) Defeated Alabama 9-6.  I fell asleep at halftime.  Did I miss anything?  Nope.  As games of the century go... it's a good thing we have another 89 years.
2. Alabama (8-1) Lost to LSU 9-6.  If you were not so anti-immigration in the south, you would have better luck finding a kicker.
3. Oklahoma State (9-0) Defeated Kansas 52-45.  Don't care game of the week, numero uno.  Dear Alabama, that means number one.
4. Stanford (9-0) Defeated Oregon State 38-13.  Really?  Just 38-13.  You gotta pound the Beaver(s) harder than that.
5. Arkansas (8-1) Defeated South Carolina 44-28.  South Carolina has Jerry Sandusky's favorite mascot.
6. Oklahoma (8-1) Defeated Texas A&M 41-25.  SEC speed could not bail out the Aggie's.
7. Oregon (7-1) Defeated Washington 34-17.  Surely, there must be another Hasselbeck ready to graduate from high school.
8. Clemson (8-1) Did not play.  Once again, well played.
9. Boise State (8-0) Defeated UNLV 48-21.  Pretty sure that UNLV is not a word, let alone a state or city.  Buy a vowel people.  Boise drops a spot.
10. Penn State (8-1) Did not play.  A couple of weeks ago I promised Buckeye-Hating-Chris that I would slide PSU into the 10 spot.  At the time, I did not realize that would be an inappropriate comment.

The Power Wry 10-31-11 Halloween BS Ranking. Powered by too much candy! And beer. And bourbon.

Ohio State 33.  Wisconsin 20
Best game that I have ever attended.
This is using the NBA standard,
Which means that only the last 5 minutes are worth watching.

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Two days later, I pinch off a post.

1. LSU Bye.  Stayed home to prepare for the national title game against Alabama.
2. Alabama Bye.  Stayed home to prepare for the national title game against LSU.  Buckeye Hating Chris would have you believe that they already won it in Happy Valley.
3. Oklahoma State (8-0) Defeated Baylor 59-24.  All SEC top 3.  Cowboys and Bears.  Did they bring back John Madden to call this game?
4. Stanford (7-0) Defeated USC 56-48.  Jim Harbaugh and Pete Carroll spent the entire game yelling "Go for 2!".
5. Oregon (7-1) Defeated Washington State 43-28.  Yawn.
6. Arkansas (7-1) Defeated Vanderbilt 31-28.  Thereby getting revenge on E. Gordon Gee for the Sugar Bowl loss.  One University President's job removed.
7. Oklahoma (7-1) Defeated Kansas State 58-17.
8. Boise State (7-0) Did not play.  Strength of schedule improves.  They still drop 1 spot.
9. Nebraska (7-1) Defeated Michigan State 24-3.  And once again, Michigan State sees another promising season flushed down the shitter.
10. South Carolina (7-1) Defeated Tennessee 14-3.  I should drop you 10 spots for only hanging 14 on UT.

The Power Rye 10-24-11 BS Ranking

It's not college football, but for any Ohio State fan who thinks that they are tedious to watch this year, like me.  Try watching the Cleveland Browns vs the Seattle Seahawks.  Poopy, poopy, poopy.

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Two days later, I pinch off a post.

1. LSU (8-0) Defeated Auburn 45-19.  The NCAA let Auburn off the hook, but the rest of the SEC has not.
2. Alabama (8-0) Defeated Tennessee 37-6.  I've run out of Tennessee jokes.  I only had one.  And it was bad.  See last week.
3. Oklahoma State (7-0) Defeated Missouri 45-24.  The Big 12 (10(9)) conference presents the SEC game of the week.
4. Stanford (7-0) Defeated Washington 65-21.  Most people don't know this, kids that can't get into Stanford, go to a JUCO named Lamont.  It's full of big dummies.
5. Clemson (8-0) Defeated North Carolina 58-38.  "Clemson and Clover" is my favorite song by Tommy James and the Shondells.
6. Oregon (6-1) Defeated Colorado 45-2.  Two?  Two!
7. Boise St. (7-0) Defeated Air Force 37-26.
8. Michigan State (6-1) Defeated Wisconsin (37-31).  First of all, good call by the replay booth.  Second of all, how in the hell did you lose to fucking Notre Dame?  Was it alumni day and you let Curtis Painter play for fun?  Seriously that S.O.B. damn near cost me my fantasy league game two weeks in a row.  First, he gives the Bengals defense 10 points in the last two minutes of the game (2 int's, one was a pick-6, I lose by less than a point).  This week, I'm up by 70 going into last night's game, and my opponent has Jimmy Graham, Darren Sproles, and John Kasay, and that sorry excuse for a qb can't get a damn first down.  Wait a minute.  Curtis Painter played for Purdue.  Sorry Sparty.  That still doesn't get you off the hook for losing to Notre Dame.
9. Oklahoma (6-1) Lost to Texas Tech (41-38).  The key to the Tech Victory.  Craig James's kid is still locked in the broom closet.
10. Wisconsin (6-1) Lost to the Curtis Painter led Michigan State Spartans.  Whoops.

John L Sullivan Whiskey

This is a nice entry level Irish whiskey that is not named Bushmill's or Jameson's.  It is aged in Bourbon Barrels, that are only used for their whiskey for once.  It is pretty tasty and some of the bourbon flavor comes through under the standard barley flavor of an Irish Whiskey.

The whiskey is named after an Irish-American ass-kicker.  He was the last bare knuckle boxing champion in history, and since he didn't retire, the first gloved champion.  His last fight bare-knuckled fight, which is on the label lasted 75 rounds, after 77, they go to the judges' score cards.

I really wanted to add a joke about him beating up on
Leonardo DiCaprio, but I couldn't find a good image.
You have to admit, that his hat and mustache must have
been reincarnated for Gangs of New York.

The Power Wry 10-17-11 BS Ranking

In non-ranking news, and since they won't be seeing this countdown this year, I would be remiss if I didn't mention that Ohio State set offensive football back 80 years by going 1 of 4 passing and winning.  Egads.  That says a lot about Illi-noise and even more about the 6 teams that they beat.

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Two days later, I pinch off a post.

1. LSU (7-0) Defeated Tennesee 38-7.  It used to be that you couldn't spell citrus without "UT", now it's "B-UT, we scored this week."
2. Alabama (7-0) Defeated Mississippi 52-7.  Because they are awesome.
3. Oklahoma (6-0) Defeated Kansas 47-17.  The program hasn't been the same since Roy Williams left for North Carolina.
4. Wisconsin (6-0) Defeated Indiana 59-7.  At least they didn't run up the score this year.
5. Oklahoma State (6-0) Defeated Texas 38-26.  What the hell happened to Texas?  Did they lose 30 scholarships and nobody told us.  Did Vince Young have to give back Reggie Bush's Heisman?
6. Boise (6-0) Defeated Colorado State 63-13.  I dropped them because I thought that they had beaten Colorado, which lost to Ohio State.  I have realized my mistake, but fuck-em anyway.
7. Stanford (6-0) Defeated Washington State 44-14.  Their star qb was recently disappointed to find out that the "Suck For Luck" sweepstakes does not involve fellatio.
8. Clemson (7-0) Defeated Maryland 56-45.  Clemson Tide is my favorite non-Sean Connery sub movie.
9. Arkansas (5-1) Did not play.  Well played.
10. Michigan State (5-1) Defeated Michigan (28-14).  Suck it Michigan.