Wry Slamma Jamma: Mike Miller is Petyr Baelish

Thanks to Mathew Mcconaughey, I have escaped from the worm hole, and I can tell you that the aliens are still invading the NBA.  World of Fire and Ice, not on my planet hippy.

The truth is out there: http://twopartsrye.blogspot.com/search/label/basketball

Power Wry Week 14: Amen!

You need to step up your game Pastor Glenn.

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Before I sober up, I pinch off a post.

This weeks ranking is brought to you by Pappy 12.

1. Ohio State (12-0) Beat Michigan 42-41.  Enjoy your moral victories bitches.  And... Fight!  Fight! Fight!  And our defense sucks.  And I need to have another son so I can name him Carlos.

   

   Turtle Neck, Sweater Vest & Golf Visor

2. Florida State (12-0) Beat Florida 37-7.  Looks like the Criminoles are ready to graduate from 1-AA.
3. Auburn (11-1) Beat Alabama 34-28.  I told you that they were playing the quality football in Alabama.  Now it's time to pull that rabbit's foot out of your ass and lose to Missouri.  Also, your coach makes Tressel look stylish.  Which means he is a giant fucking dork.
4. Michigan State (11-1) Beat Minnisota 14-3.  The Jim Bollman juggernaut will hang a cool 17 on OSU this weekend.
5. Missouri (11-1) Beat Johnny Syphilis 28-21.

All others discontinued.

The Power Wry Week 13, Brrrr

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Before I sober up, I pinch off a post.

This weeks ranking is brought to you by Larressingle Armagnac, thus ends the classy part of the ranking.

1. Ohio State (11-0) Beat Indiana 42-14.  It was pretty chilly, as a matter of fact, my balls just finished re-dropping.  Now you can sleep at night, secure in the knowledge that my balls are swinging low again.
2. Florida State (11-0) Beat Idaho 80-14.  The Vandals are a great mascot, but the Visigoths would have been better.  Also, the good team's QB might be going to jail.
3. Alabama (11-0) Beat Chattanooga 49-0.  Oh Bumpers!  People with toddlers should get that reference. 
4. Wisconsin (10-1 9-2) Beat Minnesota 20-7.  Seizure free.
5. Michigan State (10-1) Beat Northwestern 30-6.  Northwestern is like Batman.  Awesome at night, but during the day, they're just a wacko in pajamas wishing they were as cool as the Batkid.
6. Auburn (10-1) Did not play.  Glad to see that someone is playing quality football in Alabama.
7. Missouri (10-1) Did not play and still beat Mississippi 24-10.
8. Oklahoma State (10-1) Defeated the unstoppable juggernaut that is Baylor 49-17.

9-... discontinued.  Oregon got whooped by Rich Rod and will rejoiced because they will not have to settle for playing in the Rose Bowl.  Baylor, yep.  Johnny Secondary Violation sucked.  Stanford beat Cal, which is what happens when Cal is in a football stadium.

More cold picture fun!

Ask all you want, he's not throwing you the ball.

Ummph

So fast the snow melted, or the pics are out of order.

Power Wry Week 12, your team sucked it up too

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Before I sober up, I pinch off a post.

Luke Fickel has really let himself go.

This weeks ranking is brought to you by 4 Roses 2013 Single Barrel.  I have heard that it is that good and it is that good.

1. Ohio State (10-0) Beat Illinois 60-35.  I was going to drop them to 4th, and then I watched the late games.
2. Florida State (10-0) Whipped Syracuse 59-3.  That sounds impressive until you realize that Syracuse only had 5 guys out there for their vaunted 2-3 zone.  Also Miami lost.  Again!
3. Alabama (9-0) Struggled against Mississippi State 20-7.  That sound you hear is another Miss St dropped pass.
4. Baylor (9-0) Beat Texas Tech 63-34.  Next week they play DeVry.
5. Wisconsin (9-1 8-2) Beat Indiana 51-3.  Sadly, it was not the Bo Ryan/Tom Crean duel to the death that we were all hoping for.
6. Michigan State (9-1) Beat Nebraska 41-28.  A Jim Bollman offense hung up 41 points and they were not playing Kent State?
7. Auburn (10-1) Beat Georgia 43-38.  Glad to see that someone is playing quality football in Alabama.
8. Missouri (9-1) Did not play.

In the land of also Ran, Clemson Beat Georgia Tech, who cares.  Texas A&M went to an autograph show.  South Carolina beat Florida 19-14 and it was Urban Meyer's fault.  Oregon beat Utah 44-21.  Stanford Lost to USC, but it doesn't count because they didn't play Stanford football this week.

Power Wry Week 11: It's homer time.

Is that a topless Brett Bielema
 or the Oregon football team?  I can't tell.

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Before I sober up, I pinch off a post.

In honor of the Arkansas head coach, I am drinking boxed wine before lunch time.

1. Ohio State (9-0) Did not play, dramatically improving their strength of schedule.
2. Alabama (9-0) Beat LSU 38-17.  Nothing like beating a bunch of ex-cons coached by a mental patient.
3. Florida State (9-0) Beat Not a-Wake Forest 59-3.  Also, Miami lost to Va Tech invalidating all quality wins in the ACC.
4. Baylor (8-0) Beat Oklahoma! 41-12.  Great to see those rival high school teams get together.
5. Stanford (8-1) Beat Oregon 26-20.  Who says that you need a play book bigger than a post-it-note.
6. Wisconsin (8-1 7-2) Beat BYU 27-17.  You can't bring a group of clean cut kids with an  honor code to Madison Wisconsin and expect positive results.
7. Michigan State (8-1) Did not play, dramatically improving their strength of Schedule.
8. Missouri (9-1) Beat Kentucky 48-17.  Allegedly
9. Clemson (8-1) Did not play.  Isn't it great that we can go back to not giving two shits about Clemson?
10. Oregon (8-1) Lost to Stanford proving that they are soft.  Jelly belly soft.

Two Parts Rye Week 10: If the Play is the thing, where the hell was everyone?

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Before I sober up, I pinch off a post.

This week's drink of choice is Glenmorangie Ealanta.  That is Gaelic for skilled and ingenious, like me.

Lifted from Eleven Warriors.

1. Oregon (8-0) Did not play.  OK
2. Alabama (8-0) Did not play.  Because they were in Texas and there was no fiddle in the band.
3. Florida State (8-0) Whipped up on the U 41-14.
4. Ohio State (9-0) Beat Purdue 56-0.  I like a school whose nickname is a shot and a beer.
5. Baylor (8-0) Did not play.  See Alabama.
6. Clemson (8-1) Defeated Virginia 59-10.  Another defeat for the tea party.
7. Wisconsin (8-1 7-2) Beat Iowa 28-9.
8. Oklahoma! (7-1) Did not play.  Not even their understudy was available
9. Michigan State (8-1) Defeated Michigan 29-6.  Congratulations, you are better than Penn State

10(a,b,c).  Texas A&M beat UTEP 57-6 which is the equivalent of not playing, Stanford did not play.  LSU did not play.

Also: Kid N Play did not play.  Marcy's Playground did not play.  Aerosmith just pushed play.  Thankfully, no white boys played funky music.  The Offspring came out an played.    We couldn't find Coldplay.  

The Power Wry Week 9: OSU gives PSU a Lower Sundusky

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Before I sober up, I pinch off a post.

This week's Power Wry is brought to you by a 4 Roses Manhattan.  For those who are wondering about the difference between a Lower and an Upper Sundusky, with an Upper Sandusky, you get kissed on the neck before Joe Pa turns his back on you.

1. Oregon (8-0) Defeated UCLA 42-14.  Another tough loss for Jim Mora JUNIOR. He hates that.
2. Alabama (8-0) Beat Tennessee 45-10.  That can't be correct.  The Titans were on a bye last week.
3. Florida State (7-0) Beat NC State 49-17.  NC State, never heard of a state named NC.  Must be one of those Canadian teams.  Did they use the big field?
4. Ohio State (8-0) Beat Penn State 63-14.  It was the humane thing to do.
5. Miami (7-0) Beat Wake Forest 24-21.  I considered dropping you this week, but I decided that I would wait for your beat down at the hand of FSU.  (Dear Miami, I hope that you win.)
6. Baylor (7-0) Defeated Kansas 59-14.  Charlie Weiss was in a sugar comma from a pre-Halloween candy binge.
7. Clemson (7-1) Defeated Maryland 40-27.  They would have scored more points, but Tajh Boyd was in a sugar comma from a pre-Halloween candy binge.
8. Wisconsin (7-1 6-2) Did not play.
9. Oklahoma! (7-1) Defeated Texas Tech 38-10.  Texas Tech is the Devry of Texas.
10. Texas A&M, Michigan St, Northern Illinois have another week to impress me.

Power Wry Week 8

Why all the pictures of guys in suit & ties, suit & ties?
Just a year late for the Timberlake reference.

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Before I sober up, I pinch off a post.

This week's Power Wry is brought to you by a Sazerac Rye Manhattan.  I'll have two or threve before I'm done with this post.

1. Oregon (7-0) Defeated Washington St late.  Again?
2. Alabama (5-0) Beat Arkansas 52-0.  Allow me to make the 5 millionth #KARMA joke.
3. Florida State (6-0) Whooped Clemson 51-14.  If my memory serves me right, and it always does, Clemson used to coach the Minnesota basketball team.  Not that impressive when you look at it that way.
4. Ohio State (7-0) Beat Iowa 34-24.  Our defense is crap on a stick.
5. Miami (6-0) Beat North Carolina 27-23.  Winning the coveted Butch-Davis-Used-To-Coach-Here trophy.
6. Baylor (6-0) Defeated Iowa St 71-7.  Way to beat the fake Iowa.
7. Clemson (6-1) Let's see, what did I say last week... "Clemson (6-0) Defeated Boston College 24-14.  The hacks in the AP would drop you a couple of spots for that.  I'm going to wait for Florida State to kick your ass next week."  Pretty much nailed that one.
8. Missouri (7-0) Defeated Florida 36-17.  Nice job Urban.
9. Stanford (6-1) Defeated UCLA 24-10.  Tough loss for Jim Mora JUNIOR. He hates that.
10. Wisconsin (6-1 5-2) Beat Illinois 56-32.  No PAC 12 officials were harmed.

Power Rye 2013 Week 7

It's more fun than where's Waldo.

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Before I sober up, I pinch off a post.

This week's Power Wry is brought to you by Knappougue Castle 14.  Stanford is out.  How Utes doin?  Oklahoma! did Oklahoma! things and they are gone too.

1. Clemson (6-0) Defeated Boston College 24-14.  The hacks in the AP would drop you a couple of spots for that.  I'm going to wait for Florida State to kick your ass next week.
2. Oregon (6-0) Defeated Washington. 45-24.
3. Ohio State (6-0) Grilled out and chilled.
4. Miami (5-0) Did not play.  Abortion Saturday is a holiday at the U.  Too soon?
5. Alabama (5-0) Beat Kentucky 48-7.
6. Florida State (5-0) Did not play?  Kids these days are just lazy.
7. UCLA (4-0) Defeated Cal 37-10.  Everybody does that.
8. Texas Arts & Crafts (4-1) Defeated Mississippi 41-38.  A stunned nation cheered, I mean held it's breath when Johnny Claim-jumper appeared to injure his knee.
9. Baylor (5-0) Eked out a win against K-State 35-35.  Token Big 12(10) team.
10. LSU (6-1) Defeated Florida 17-6.  Do you want to know how bad college coaching is compared to the NFL?  Cam No Chin Cameron is considered an offensive genius at LSU.

The Power Rye 2013 Week 6

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  A day or so later, I pinch off a post.

This weeks Power Wry is brought to you by Glenmorangie Elanta.  Nobody of consequence lost this week, so the ranking is the same, only the snarky comments have changed.

1. Clemson (5-0) Beat Syracuse 49-14.  That crusty grouch Boeheim needs to hang it up.
2. Oregon (5-0) Defeated Colorado 57-16.  Colorado is what happens to your genitals after two months of cholera.
3. Ohio State (6-0) Defeated Northwestern 40-30.  The glory of the back door cover.
4. Miami (5-0) Defeated Georgia Tech 45-30.
5. Alabama (6-0) Whooped Georgia State 45-3.  Peachy.
6. Florida State (5-0) Defeated Maryland 63-0.  They're just mad that they won't getting all of that B1G cash money.
7. Stanford (5-0) Defeated Washington 31-28.  They got outplayed and won.  Very Buckeye-ishticological of you.
8. Oklahoma! (5-0) Beat TCU 20-17.  The little sisters of the poor must have been fired up for that one.
9. UCLA (4-0) Defeated Utah 34-17.  Just like Obama.
10. Texas Arts & Crafts (4-1) Stayed home and signed autographs.

This article is late because we lost our big buddy on Sunday night.
He is the skinny one on the left.

The Power Wry 2013, back from a just cause penalty!

The eye in the sky does not lie!

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  A day or so later, I pinch off a post.

This weeks Power Wry is brought to you by Colonel Stagg Jr.  Cask Strength and fantastic at 50/50 whiskey/water.

1. Clemson (4-0) Defeated Wake Forest 31-24.  ACC!  ACC!  Do you see how annoying that is hillbillies?
2. Oregon (4-0) Defeated Cal Late, I mean 55-16.  Fucking newspapers.  That's a lot of points for a game played on Noah's Ark.
3. Ohio State (5-0) Defeated Wisconsin 31-24.  I was there.  All other scores are hear-say.
4. Miami (4-0) Defeated South Florida 49-21.  I'll be impressed when you score 80 on FAMU.
5. Alabama (4-0) Defeated Mississippi 25-0.  SEC pity fuck.
6. Florida State (4-0) Defeated BC 48-24.  ACC!  ACC!  Do you see how annoying that is hillbillies?
7. Stanford (4-0) Defeated Washington State 55-17.  That railroad money is finally paying off.  (Nothing Like It In The World by Stephen A. Ambrose is a fantastic book.)
8. Oklahoma! (4-0) Defeated Our Lady of Sucks 35-21.
9. UCLA (3-0) Did not Play and that douche Kiffen got fired.  Well done sir.  Well done.
10. Texas Arts & Crafts (4-1) Defeated Arkansas 45-33.  Johnny Hangover takes down the Golgothan.

Jefferson's Presidential Select 21 Year Bourbon

I really miss my old bottle of the 17.

This is a whole different beast from the 17 and 18.  Jefferson's whiskey is all sourced.  This one is sourced from a rye influenced mash bill instead of wheat.  Thanks Sku.  It's pretty good but $120 is too much.

On the Jefferson's scale, it's a Mr. Bentley.

For more Jefferson's scale memories see:

• http://twopartsrye.blogspot.com/2012/08/jeffersons-bourbon-tiered-flight.html
• http://twopartsrye.blogspot.com/2012/10/jeffersons-straight-rye-whiskey.html

Captain Morgan Sherry Oak Finish

This product was received for review.  My favorite thing to read on a label is For Research Only.

Stretching my wings a bit here for a spiced rum review.  Fortunately, I have a Manhattan mixed up to cleanse my palate.

Compared to the regular Morgan, this Rum is both more and less.  It is more, because it does taste better neat.  The sherry finish is quite nice and I enjoy sipping it.  It is less because I have to wonder why anyone would bother to finish a SPICED rum since it mutes the spices.  If you like this sort of thing, and are curious.  Go for it.  It's only $20 and you are going to mix it with coke anyway.

Anderson Valley Wild Turkey Bourbon Barrel Stout

This product was received for review.

In an age of too much imperial everything in craft beers, I think it best to say what this beer is not.

It is not too bitter.
It is not too smoky.
It is not too high in alcohol.  (a relatively modest 6.9% abv)
It doesn't taste like bourbon.

For me, the first three are a good thing.  The fourth is an issue.  This stout has been aged in Wild Turkey barrels for 3 months and if it didn't say so on the label, you would never know.  Disappointing.

That doesn't mean that it tastes bad.  I enjoyed it, it just wasn't special. 

Knappoghue Castle 12 and 14 Irish Whiskey

Knappogue is well known among the so called whiskey intelligentsia.  Which is a euphemism for wino.  The 14 "twin wood" just showed up at my local shop.  The 12 retails in the $40 range, the 14 is around $60.

Knappogue 12:  Viscous, and everyone on the internets states that it has vanilla and toasted marshmallow. I don't disagree.  Thank you bourbon barrels.

Grade: B+

Knappogue 14:  This blends whiskey aged in bourbon barrels with whiskey aged in sherry casks.  It is also 92 proof as opposed to the 12, which is 80 proof.  Tasting it neat, it is good, but the wood dominates.  A little water opens it up revealing apple, pear and citrus notes.  Grade: B++

My cousin David (wife's dad's mom's sister's son) introduced me to Knappogue.  Needless to say, I had to buy two bottles of the 14.

Received for Review: Ketel One

Et tu Brutus?

There are not many things that I blog about more infrequently than vodka.  This is my third and by far my favorite vodka review because I didn't pay for it.  I did have to drive out to the Fed Ex facility by the airport Saturday morning to pick it up.  It was fun making the GPS re-calibrate.  Head east on Weber, no.  Head east on Hudson, hell no.

Good news Columbus Business Travelers, I drove past a place named Centerfold's and they have a free shuttle service.  So we have that going for us.

Here's the review.  It is vodka, so it tastes like alcohol, which I assume is the goal.  I actually think that it tastes a little sweet.  The great thing that it has going for it is the finish.  There isn't one.  I'm doing a side by side with another vodka, rhyme's with Tito's handmade vodka.  Definitely cleaner.  The internet tells me that it retails in the $20-25 range, which is a good thing.  Only a dumb ass would drop big money on vodka.

Received for Review: Bulleit 10 Bourbon

This is an older version of the standard Bulleit, which the internet tells me is aged for 4-6 years and is actually made by Four Roses.  The standard Bulleit is one of my favorite $20ish bourbons.  It has a high rye mash bill, which gives it some bite.  Side by side, the standard is quite tame.  The 10 year has it's bite in the fore, with a really pleasant finish.  The standard is sort of the opposite.  Nice sweet flavor at first with a kick in the teeth finish.  The 10 year retails for around $45.

So...

• Is it better?  Yes.  I like it a lot.
• It costs twice as much, is it twice as good?  No, but it is in the ballpark.
• Is it worth $45?  The times they are a changing.  I've paid more for much worse, and the craft distillery revolution has certainly muddled things when it comes to determining what something should cost.  I am officially waffling on this question.  I didn't pay for it.

Wry Slamma Jamma Encore: Bo Ryan is Scorpius

Gewd Damn Aliens

Bastille 1789 Whisky

Web site hype:  I hope you enjoy my very special whisky,
which took me many years to perfect.
BASTILLE is hand-crafted in the South-West of France, 
the region where I was born and live.
I use a combination of traditional and cutting edge techniques
to bring out the natural characteristics of the different varieties
of wood cask, water and "terroir".
Here are a few highlights of my unique method
for hand-crafting whisky
(leaving out some of the secrets)
After the initial maturation, BASTILLE is finished 
in different styles of wooden cask which provide my whisky 
its delicate, harmonious and unique flavors.
BASTILLE uses pure Gensac spring water, filtered naturally
for centuries through Grande Champagne limestone.

Wow, that's a lot of hype: I do have to say that at first taste, I came away very impressed.  It has a lot of dried fruit and I know that cherry and Limousin oak are two of the woods used for aging.  They both come across in the finish.

Sadly, familiarity breeds contempt.  After a few sips, it becomes sickeningly sweet; the wood finish just becomes an aftertaste that won't go away.  For $30, I still recommend it.  It is different, which you don't see much of these days.

Ray Lewis and Bane, shopping Bros