The Power Wry BS Rankings 11/30/10

The Power Rye is the most accurate ranking of college football available. Each week, I feed all the facts, figures, stats, scores, and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix. Two days later, I pinch off a post.

1. Auburn (12-0) Defeated Alabama 28-27.  Nick Saban had a flashback to his days at Michigan St.
2. Oregon (11-0) Defeated Arizona 48-29.  Refs fucked Arizona.
3. Wisconsin (11-1) Defeated Northwestern 70-23.  70 points again.  Look at me mommy!  Look at me!
4. Ohio State (11-1) Defeated Michigan 37-7.  OK.  Ohio State is sitting at #6 in the BCS rankings.  We only need 4 or the following 5 to happen in order to get in the title game, in order of plausibility.  a) Someone finds the paper trail and Auburn has to vacate its wins.  b) Standford fails a drug test.  c) The entire Wisconsin team is implicated in the Lufthansa Heist of 1978.  d)  TCU goes on a Mission Trip.  e) Oregon State Defeats Oregon.  It could happen.
5. Michigan State (11-1) Defeated Penn St. 28-22.  Waah!  We won't get a BCS game because we're irrevelant... and we got our asses kicked by Iowa.
6. Stanford (11-1) Defeated Oregon St. 38-0.  That vapor trail is from Jim Harbaugh bolting for greener pastures.
7. South Carolina (9-3) Defeated Clemson 29-7.  Man, the ACC sucks.
8. Arkansas (10-2) Defeated LSU 31-23.  Oh Ryan Mallett.  If only you could were 150 lbs and fragile.  You could have really been something at Michigan.
9. LSU (10-2) See above.  Appreciate Les Miles people or Ann Arbor will.
10. TCU (12-0) Defeated New Mexico 66-17.  Looking forward to losing by 50 to Wisconsin in the Rose Bowl.

The Power Wry BS Rankings 11/25/10

The Power Rye is the most accurate ranking of college football available. Each week, I feed all the facts, figures, stats, scores, and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix. Two days later, I pinch off a post.

Week in review:  Due to a virulent case of monkey sars, this ranking is late.  I considered taking a bye this week, but bye's are for pussies.

1. Auburn (11-0) Bye.  Mama's Boys.
2. Oregon (10-0) Bye.  Pansies.
3. LSU (10-1) Defeated Mississippi 43-26.  Nancy Boys. Oh... they played.  Sorry, I was on a roll.  Well done.
4. Wisconsin (10-1) Defeated Michigan 48-28.  Everybody does.
5. Ohio State (10-1) Defeated Iowa 20-17.  Devier Posey just arrived after being forced to walk home from Kinnick Stadium.
6. Alabama (9-2) Defeated Georgia St 63-7.  How did they get Lord Saban to play on Thursday?
7. Michigan State (10-1) Defeated Purdue 35-31.  Once again, defying the odds by not choking.
8. Stanford (10-1) Defeated Cal 48-14.  Battle of the hippies.
9. South Carolina (8-3) Defeated Troy 69-24.  Steve Spurrier has Macedonian ancestry.
10. Boise St (11-0) Defeated Fresno St 51-0.  Boise leapfrogs TCU because they played their high school game in the rain.

Preview for the upcoming slate.


I'll be in the shoe sharing the love.



The Power Wry BS Rankings 11/16/10

The Power Rye is the most accurate ranking of college football available. Each week, I feed all the facts, figures, stats, scores, and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix. Two days later, I pinch off a post.


Week in review:  Move along.  Nothing to see here.  (Auburn's new cheer.)

1. Auburn (11-0) Defeated Georgia 49-31.  How does one fit $200k in unmarked bills in a collection plate?
2. Oregon (10-0) Defeated Cal 15-13.  That was just the 1st quarter score, right?
3. LSU (9-1) Defeated LA-Monroe 51-0.  You better.
4. Wisconsin (9-1) Defeated Indiana 83-20.  Scott Tolzein had a triple double with 18 points, 12 assists, and 18 boards.
5. Ohio State (9-1) Defeated Penn State 38-14.  The story making the rounds is that coach Jim Tressel fired up the team at halftime with a rare display of emotion.  We give you the before and after. 




Before.

  

... and After. Whoo. Scary. As you can see, all of the color was drained from his sweater vest to his face.
6. Alabama (8-2) Defeated Mississippi State 30-10.  I have three tv's in my man-cave.  That's the one I didn't watch.
7. Nebraska (9-1) Defeated Kansas 20-3.  Another classic Big 12 rivalry bites the dust.
8. Michigan State (9-1) Bye.  The Spartans spent their week off hi-jacking the Iowa team bus, and finishing the job that they left undone 3 weeks ago.  Choking against Northwestern.
9. Stanford (9-1) Defeated Arizona State 17-13.  Does anyone not eating granola still think that Stanford is a legit contender?  I don't.
10. TCU (11-0) Defeated San Diego State 40-35.  I haven't seen a high school team recruit this well since Massilllon Washington in 1981.

Power Rye BS Rankings 11/9/10

The Power Rye is the most accurate ranking of college football available. Each week, I feed all the facts, figures, stats, scores, and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix. Two days later, I pinch off a post.

Week in Review:  Surprise, surprise.  The SEC is shady.

1. Auburn (10-0) Defeated Chattanooga 62-24.  Surprisingly, their mascot is the Mocs (as in mocking bird), not the Choo-Choos.
2. Oregon (9-0) Defeated Washington 53-16.  Still waiting for Jake Locker to do something.  He has an excuse this week, he had a boo-boo.
3. LSU (8-1) Defeated Alabama 24-21.  Memo to whomever plays LSU.  It will be a trick play.
4. Wisconsin (8-1) Defeated Purdue 34-13.  Wisconsin took a nap during the first half and still only trailed 10-6.
5. Ohio State (7-1) Bye.  Jim Tressel is up to his old tricks.  Don't play, surge up the standings.
6. Stanford (7-1) Defeated Arizona 42-17.  Stanford moves up because everyone else that was ahead of them stunk up the joint.
7. 
   Alabama (7-2) Lost to LSU.  Too busy leaking stories about Cam Newton to game plan.
8. Iowa (7-2) Defeated Indiana 18-13.  Seriously?
9. Nebraska (8-1) Defeated Iowa State 21-20.  I mean seriously?
10. TCU (10-0) Defeated Utah 47-7.  Number one sham program in the nation.

Received for Review: 1800 Silver Tequila

This tequila is peppery and smokey, with agave sweetness and an oak finish.  On ice it's a nice sipper and it stands up well in a cocktail.

When I first got the bottle, I thought that this was the most difficult stopper in the world to open.  Turns out that there is a reason for that.  Christopher Moltisanti will explain.

Missing from this video, is how you actually get the stopper out without dumping tequila all over the place, or losing it back down the bottle.  Fear not.  Here is the solution.  Frankly, it doesn't work that well, but it's cute.  To be fair.  I have had drank 5 shots of 1800 and my technique may be suspect.

The "I don't have time for all that foo foo crap" margarita:

1 1/2 parts 1800 tequila
1/2 part grand marnier
squeeze the juice of one lime wedge into the glass in order to avoid scurvy

What in the world is...Punt E Mes?

I thought that it was Italian for "whore foot".  Turns out that it means point and a half; which doesn't make a lot of sense either.

It's a sweet vermouth from Italy.  It has the same odd ketchup flavor that you fine with Martini and Rossi or Boissiere when you taste it neat.  It does make a really nice Manhattan, as long as you use a rough around the edges rye like Old Overholt..  At $20 a bottle, I'll break it out when I want to impress people, and stick with my trusty $5 bottle of Gallo the rest of the time.

Power Rye BS Rankings 11/1/10

The Power Rye is the most accurate ranking of college football available. Each week, I feed all the facts, figures, stats, scores, and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix. Two days later, I pinch off a post.


Week in Review:  Sparty finally showed his true colors.  As did Missou.

1. Auburn (9-0) Defeated Missippi 51-31.  Ackbar was wrong.

2. Alabama (7-1) Bye.  Even the bye week had a bye before they played Alabama.
3. Oregon (8-0) Defeated USC 53-32.  USC has had trouble navigating the salary cap era.  Look for Lane Kiffen to ruin your favorite franchise/program soon.
4. Wisconsin (7-1) Bye.  Nobody noticed.
5. LSU (7-1) Bye.  Les Miles clock management haunts him again.  He showed up at the stadium on Saturday and missed a golden opportunity to sleep in.
6. Ohio State (7-1) Defeated Minnesota 52-10.  For the first time this season, Ohio State did not lose 15 defensive backs to season ending injuries.
7. Iowa (6-2) Defeated Michigan State 37-6.  They fought the battle of Thermopylae in a corn field.  Whoops.
8. Nebraska (7-1) Defeated Missouri 31-17.  How in the hell did they lose to Texas?
9. Stanford (7-1) Defeated Washington 41-0.  Didn't watch it, and neither did you.
10. Utah (8-0) Defeated Air Force 28-23.  ...and nobody cares.

Power Rye BS Rankings 10/25/10

The Power Rye is the most accurate ranking of college football available. Each week, I feed all the facts, figures, stats, scores, and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix. Two days later, you get this.

Week in Review:  My crack research team did some investigating, and Boise is a city and not a state.  Thus, Boise State is out.  Stanford is also out.  Anyone with a thorough understanding of the second law of thermodynamics knows that only one Pac-10 team can be good at a time.  Also, they gave up 28 points to a shitty Washington State team.  Egads.

This weeks ranking:

1. Auburn (8-0)  Defeated LSU 24-17.  Can we send Cam Newton the Heisman now and get it over with?
2. Oregon (7-0)  Defeated UCLA 60-13.  Bill Walton is spinning in his grave.
3. Michigan State (8-0)  Defeated Northwestern 35-27.  I suspect that they traded uniforms prior to kickoff.  Northwestern blew a lead that would have had John L Smith smacking himself.
4. Alabama (7-1)  Defeated Tennessee 41-10.  The Iron Bowl is looking more and more like the de facto National Title game.
5. Missouri  (7-0)  Defeated Oklahoma 36-17.  The Big 12 sucks, but they are undefeated.  For now.
6. Wisconsin (7-1)  Defeated Iowa 31-30.  Bucky wins big in back to back weeks.
7. LSU (7-1)  Lost to Auburn.  Les Miles is busy preparing for the Michigan job that accepted in 2007.
8. Ohio State (7-1) Defeated Purdue 49-0.  No, you get used to it.
9. Nebraska (6-1) Defeated Oklahoma St. 51-41.  Future Big 10 bias moves Nebraska back into the top 10.  For now.
10. Utah (7-0).  Token small conference team.

For fun.  Brett Farve's new Wrangler commercial.

Ron Matusalem Gran Reserva

Rumor has it, this is a drinking blog.

My grand tour of solera aged rums comes to an end.  I had the Ron Zacapa, the Ron Atlantico, and now the Ron Matusalem.  It's the most affordable of the three at under $30.  I get vanilla, honey, a bit of cinnamon with lightly tannic finish.  As a whiskey lover, my only complaint is that this rum tastes too much like rum.

Grade: B+

Power Rye BS Rankings 10/16/10

The Power Rye is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all the facts, figures, stats, scores, and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  After my headache goes away, the results are posted.

Week in review:  Nebraska messed with Texas and they're out.  TCU is out just cause.  South Carolina, the Michigan State of the South, gacked against UK, they're out.  Ohio State wasted no time reminding me why god invented whiskey and the remote control.

This weeks rankings:

1. Auburn (7-0)  Defeated Arkansas 65-43.  No defense.  No problem.
2. LSU (7-0)  Defeated McNeese St. 32-10.  I thought that they had a bye so they fell one spot.
3. Michigan State (7-0) Defeated Illinois 26-6.  Sparty, the South Carolina of the Midwest, continues to defy the odds by not choking.  Can they make it another week?  Stay tuned.
4. Oregon (6-0)  Stayed home and played with themselves.  East Coast bias keeps them from moving up the rankings.
5. Alabama (6-1)  Defeated Mississippi 21-10.  Don't make Nick Saban angry.  You won't like him when he's angry.
6. Oklahoma (6-0)  Defeated Iowa St. 61-0.  Oklahoma is poised to blow another BCS game.  Somehow, Ohio State will get blamed for it.
7. Wisconsin (6-1)  Defeated Ohio State 31-18.  Fuck you Bucky.
8. Stanford (5-1) Bye week.  Harbaugh went for 2.
9. Ohio State (6-1)  Lost to Wisconsin 31-18.  John Clay still running.
10. Boise State (6-0)  Defeated San Jose St. 48-0.  I've been to San Jose, and it's a city.  Boise loses one spot for playing a fake state.  I've never been to Boise.  I cannot confirm whether or not it is a state.

The Power Rye's Inaugural Official BS College Football Rankings

1. LSU.  (6-0)  The "BS" stands for bat-shit crazy Les Miles.
2. THE Ohio State University.  (6-0)  Terrelle Pryor's good, but he's no Jacory Harris.  Plus, impressive victories against ACC teams do not count.
3. Nebraska.   (5-0)   Should waltz through the crappy Big 12 North.
4. Oregon.  (6-0)  I actually like the uniforms.  Rose Bowl butt whooping still fresh in my mind.
5. Michigan State.  (6-0)  The South Carolina of the midwest is due to implode any day now.
6. South Carolina.  (4-1)  The Michigan State of the south is due to implode any day now.
7. Oklahoma.  (5-0)  See Ohio State in regards to victories against ACC opponents.
8. Alabama.  (5-1)  Evil schedule may bite them again before it's all over.
9. Boise State.  (5-0)  Legally obligated to be included in any and all polls.  See Ohio State and Oklahoma for my opinion on the Va Tech victory.
10. TCU.  (6-0)  #1 high school team in Texas.

Old Forester





This is a nice bourbon at $15 price range.  It' oaky and spicy, with a peppery finish that's enhanced by it's higher 86 proof.  I dont' love it straight, but it makes quite a nice Manhattan.  My post sip burp has a hint of vanilla.

Grade: C+

Manhattan Grade: B

The Power Wry: Memo to Tennessee. Size Matters

Pittsburgh 19 - Tennessee 11

I packed up the family last weekend and headed to Tennessee to see my beloved Steelers take on one of our hated foes, the Tennessee Titans.  Quick aside.  If you have an infant.  There is no way that a 6 1/2 hour drive will go smoothly.  Plan for 9.

Mrs. Rye's cousins live in Clarksville and are season ticket holders, which means that when we play down there, they help me find a ticket.  This makes my second trip down south.  Two years ago, we went down there, lost, then went on to win the Superbowl.  So I got over it. 

After the game in '08.  Lendell White and Keith Bullock desecrated the Terrible Towel by stomping it into the mudd.  Bad hoo-doo ensued and the Titans went on to lose 8 straight games over two seasons, including a playoff game against the Ravens shortly after the evil deed was perpetrated.

At the  pregame tailgate, the Titans fans were confident. 
"I think that it's going to be a defensive game"
"You can't stop Chris Johnson and Vince Young"
Silly homers.


It's all going to come back to towels.  They have not learned their lesson.  The titans were handing out rip-off towels at the gate.  I grabbed one for myself and Cousin Barry was surprised that I took one.

Hey, it was hot.  I was sure that I would need it for a case of swamp nuts.

Pause in the story.  If you are going to an away game.  I recommend Tennessee.  People are friendly.  Their worst fans our angels compared to Northeast and Midwest football fans.  However, there is always one loudmouth that I end up having words with.

Set the stage.  Pittsburgh's winning.  The "Unstoppable" Chris Johnson is getting nowhere.  Finally, he busts loose for an 85 yard touchdown.  The crowd goes wild, except for Cousin Barry, who doesn't even cheer, he sees that a flag get has been thrown for holding.  Everyone but the two of us is standing up going wild.  He's sad.  I'm trying not to look too pleased.  After the call is made.  I can't help myself.  I pull a Buckeye-Hatin-Chris, stand up, wave the towel and yell "Cheaters!".  (Which always endears you with your opponents fans.)  This makes a guy in the row behind me say "Sit down Son and Be quiet!"

I was quiet for a few moments.  I'm with my wife's family.  Best behavior.  But if I don't say anything, this shit's going to eat at me for 5 years.  People who have watched games with me will not believe what I said next.

"I'm not swearing."  (This is the part that they won't believe.)  "And, I'm not your damned son."  Jesus I'm 37.  Shit 38.  I don't let my dad talk to me like this.
"This is our stadium, quit waving your damn towel."
Got ya jackass.  "You handed out towels at the gate!"

It all comes back to the towels.  YOI!

There is only one Terrible Towel.

Tales From the Top Shelf: Ron Atlantico Private Stock

Has anyone else noticed that there are a lot of guys named Ron making rum?

Turns out that Ron means Rum.  Ahhh.  Who knew?

My new found love of premium rums continues.  Ron Atlantico is an excellent premium rum, that is a blend of 15-25 year old rums that have been aged using the Solera system.  It's got vanilla, honey, and mint.  My only complaint is that there is a bit too much oak in the finish.  I prefer the Ron Zacapa, but Ron Atlantico has the advantage of being cheaper.

Cost: $34
Grade: A-

The Power Wry: The Pussification of the NFL Continues

Looks clean to me.  He had the ball when Suh wrapped him up.

Brett Farve Flow Chart

Wry World of Sports Mid-August Edition

Last Week , the side-kick, aka Lebron, tweeted: "Don't think for one min that I haven't been taking mental notes of everyone taking shots at me this summer. And I mean everyone!"  Most people thought that he was referring to Charles Barkly, MJ, or the media.  I know who he's really talking about.  I'm the only one who remembers that he and D-Wade have hooked up before.  I remember the battle of Endor.

There's been some hullabaloo about somebody "grounded his club in a bunker" at the PGA championship.  First of all, golf is not a sport.  Second of all, that's what she said.  Finally, a Michael Scott moment.

Steelers fans have been stressed about offseason, hmm-hmm, issues.  Remember Steelers fans, you can say something that Bengals and Browns fans can't.  No one from our team has been arrested this year.

In the most exciting news of the summer, our softball team won the Columbus church league's equivalent to the NIT.  The hi-lite was World-Wide-Kev sending a bouncer into some poor girls face, causing the team that was whooping us in the semi-final to forfeit.  Piece of advice, if you don't got the glove, stay off of the hot corner.  She was all like, "hey, isn't that World-Wide-Kev?"  Then she was like "has anyone seen my left upper bicuspid?"  That's the way we roll in the co-ed church league.

New Amsterdam Gin Revisited

The glorious day has finally arrived.  All of my not-so-hard work has paid off.  I have received a sample for review.

Free hooch.  Whoo-hoo!

I've reviewed New Amsterdam Gin before, and the original post can be found here.  I find it to be more of a cocktail gin.  It's more aromatic than the London Dry style that you are probably used to with the juniper flavor being more in the background.  Subsequently, I don't feel that it stands up well to tonic.  It does mix well with sweeter flavors. 

I gave a bottle to a friend for a gift last Christmas, and she didn't get to enjoy it because her sister pretty much sucked down the bottle.  I think that's a fine endorsement.

They have some pretty interesting cocktail ideas on their website.  I decided to throw my own recipe into the game; playing along with the New York theme.

The Mulberry Street Cooler  

• 1/2 ounce basil syrup (boil equal parts sugar, water, and basil leaves until the sugar dissolves.  Refrigerate and enjoy)
• 1 1/2 ounce of New Amsterdam Gin.
• Add lots of ice and top with Lemon Soda.  I used Fever Tree Bitter Lemon

  

Tales from the top shelf: Mount Gay Extra Old Rum

I've been keeping this rum around for when the rum lovers that I know come for a visit.  It has a sweet vanilla flavor, and a warm oaky finish.  The rum is aged in bourbon barrels, which adds some nice spice.  When you exhale, you get banana.  If you are a rum lover, this ones for you.  I'm not a rum lover, and I still think that it's pretty good.

Cost: $40
Grade: B+

Going all in on the social media front

I'm finally taking Two Parts Rye out to the rest of the web.

You can follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/TwoPartsRye.  Time is of the essence these days, and it's a good outlet for the random insanity that pops into my head.

You can also find Two Parts Rye on facebook, but I don't know when I'll actually get around to spiffing that page up.  I will post here when it's worth checking out.