The Power Wry 11-28-11 BS Ranking: Urban Meyer is no Longer a Dick

We have reassessed the situation, and he has been reclassified as "Driven."  By we, I mean the royal we, as in that guy at Two Parts Rye is a royal asshole.

1. LSU (12-0) Defeated Arkansas 41-17.  No truth to the rumor that Bobby Petrino quit at halftime.  You can see how that rumor came about, because he is a big quitter.  As a matter of fact, he's quitting the top 10 this week.
2. Oklahoma State (10-1) Did not play.  You sneaky bastards.
3. Alabama (11-1) Defeated Auburn 42-14.  And no trees were harmed in the process.
4. Stanford (11-1) Defeated Notre Dame 28-14.  You should have hired Urban Meyer a few years ago. Oh yeah, he turned down the job.  Hmmm.
5. USC (9-2) Defeated UCLA by a whole bunch.  Sanctions, we don't need no stinking sanctions.  Really, we don't.
6. Houston (12-0) Defeated Tulsa 48-16.  Underachievers.
7. Oregon (10-2) Defeated Oregon State 49-21.  The Lewis vs Clark bowl.
8. South Carolina (9-2) Defeated Clemson 34-13.  Spurrier gave himself the game ball.  Again.
9. Michigan State (10-2) Defeated Northwestern 31-17.  Token Big 10(12) team.
10. Virginia Tech (11-1) Defeated Virginia 38-0.  Pollsters have put them in the top 5, which goes to show that this is the only ranking worth reading.

The Power Wry 11-21-11 BS Ranking

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Two days later, I pinch off a post.

1. LSU (11-0) Defeated Mississippi 52-3.  LSU actually took a knee with 5 minutes left in the game.  Love it.
2. Arkansas (10-1) Defeated Mississippi State 44-17.  Not a good week for ss-ss-pp.
3. Alabama (10-1) Defeated Georgia Southern 45-21.  You let a 1-AA team hang 21 on you.  You get leap-frogged.
4. Georgia (9-2) Defeated Kentucky 19-10.  Georgia leaps into the rankings.  I've ignored them all year because I remember the first 2 weeks of the season.  This week didn't help, but did you see the rest of the games?
5. South Carolina (9-2) Defeated The Citadel 41-20.  SEC East, just like your crappy conference, but warmer.
6. Houston (11-0) Defeated SMU 37-7.  I promised to drop you last week, and I really wanted to baby.  You know I did.  It's just that, the state of Oklahoma had a bad day.  You know I'll put you in your place next week, right?  Don't you baby?
7. 7-10 suspended due to give me a fucking break.

A Sad Sign of the Times

During this holiday season,please remember the needy.
Like Buckeye Hating Chris,World Wide Kev,the 6 Million Dollar Man,
and all the others who cannot find more Christmas Ale.

Philip Rivers is Muno

If you are at work, do not panic.
There are not two dildos on your screen.
There is a dildo and Muno from Yo Gabba Gabba.

The Power Rye 11-14-11 Ranking Bye-Bye-Boise

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Two days later, I pinch off a post.

1. LSU (10-0) Defeated Western Kentucky 42-9.  Western Kentucky is the very thin part of the state, otherwise known as the pencil dick of the south.  Or is that Spurrier's nickname?
2. Oklahoma State (10-0) Defeated Texas Tech 66-6.  Excuse me while I consult the book of revelations to see what this means.
3. Alabama (9-1) Defeated Mississippi State 24-7.  Here's a little behind-the-scenes on the ranking.  Sometimes I get stuck trying to come up with a smart-assed comment, and come back to that team or teams when I'm done.  I got nothing for this one and my drink is almost empty.  At least you learned something useless.
4. Oregon (9-1) Defeated Stanford 52-30.  Luck is a can't miss prospect, which means that the Colts will suck for 10 more years.
5. Oklahoma (8-1) Did not play.  As always +1.
6. Arkansas (9-1) Defeated Tennessee 49-7.  Penn State is sending representatives to UT to find out how you fill a 100k stadium year after year when you suck.
7. Clemson (9-1) Defeated Wake Forest 31-28.  I can't believe that I have an ACC team ranked this high, this late in the season.
8. Houston (10-0) Defeated Tulane 73-17.  73 points.  I like your style.  You can be my new Boise.  Next week, you will be ranked 9th.
9. South Carolina (9-2) Defeated Florida 17-12.  It could be worse Florida, you could have lost to Purdue.
10. Virginia Tech (9-1) Defeated Georgia Tech 37-26.  Seriously.  Two ACC teams.

Joe Flacco is Brobee

We continue to present evidence of the invasion of football by monsters.

Once again, this has absolutely nothing to do with the Steelers choking the game away against the Ravens.

Caorunn Scottish gin

Pronounced Ka-roon.

So what is scottish gin.  It's London Dry gin with...

One part rowan berry

One part heather

One part bog myrtle

One part dandelion

One part coul blush apple

It's actually quite pleasant.  It tastes a bit lighter than a London Dry, with some citrus flavor and a bit of sweetness.  It does not make me wince when I drink it neat, which is always a sign of a quality gin.  Well done.

Terrell Suggs is the Flukeman

I have kept a diligent watch out for aliens invading our basketball courts.  Now that the NBA is in a lockout, and nobody has noticed, we face an even more dangerous foe.  Monsters have invaded football.  I think that you will agree, the evidence is undeniable.

This post has nothing to do with me being pissed that the Steelers choked the game away with 8 seconds to go last night.

The Power Rye: 11/7/2011 BS Rankings. PSU. Dude! WFT! Dude!

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available.  Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix.  Two days later, I pinch off a post.

1. LSU (9-0) Defeated Alabama 9-6.  I fell asleep at halftime.  Did I miss anything?  Nope.  As games of the century go... it's a good thing we have another 89 years.
2. Alabama (8-1) Lost to LSU 9-6.  If you were not so anti-immigration in the south, you would have better luck finding a kicker.
3. Oklahoma State (9-0) Defeated Kansas 52-45.  Don't care game of the week, numero uno.  Dear Alabama, that means number one.
4. Stanford (9-0) Defeated Oregon State 38-13.  Really?  Just 38-13.  You gotta pound the Beaver(s) harder than that.
5. Arkansas (8-1) Defeated South Carolina 44-28.  South Carolina has Jerry Sandusky's favorite mascot.
6. Oklahoma (8-1) Defeated Texas A&M 41-25.  SEC speed could not bail out the Aggie's.
7. Oregon (7-1) Defeated Washington 34-17.  Surely, there must be another Hasselbeck ready to graduate from high school.
8. Clemson (8-1) Did not play.  Once again, well played.
9. Boise State (8-0) Defeated UNLV 48-21.  Pretty sure that UNLV is not a word, let alone a state or city.  Buy a vowel people.  Boise drops a spot.
10. Penn State (8-1) Did not play.  A couple of weeks ago I promised Buckeye-Hating-Chris that I would slide PSU into the 10 spot.  At the time, I did not realize that would be an inappropriate comment.