Two Parts Rye

Belicheck and Coughlin bid each other, Adieu

2012-02-08T20:31:00.000-05:00

Photo courtesy of NFL .com front page. Seriously

Many take umbrage to the gruff nature of New England Patriot's coach Bill Belicheck, but few can understand the pain of losing both the Super Bowl, and true love.

Cucapá Tequila Barrel Aged Ale

2012-01-28T13:30:00.002-05:00

Wow! It is a rare occasion when you can say that I've never had anything like this before, and you can also say that it is good. It is a barley wine aged in tequila barrels, apparently it's the first tequila barrel aged beer. Let me tell you, it's something special.

It's sweet, but not sugary. There is of course agave and some lime in the flavor and oddly enough cola, with a bit of bitterness in the finish. It's a tough one to describe, other than it tastes really good. And, since it's a barley wine. I'm feeling quite happy.

This is the first beer that I have reviewed in 4 months, and only the third in the last year and a half. That should say something right there. Let me tell, you, I've drank a lot of beers not worth writing about.

Ransom Old Tom Gin

2012-01-24T21:04:00.002-05:00

What is an Old Tom Gin? It's another "authentic" reproduction of a gin that used to be popular in ye olden times. I have a couple of them in my bar and one of the consistent things about them is that they are sweeter than your typical London Dry.

This gin is cool for several different reasons. It is partially made from a whiskey base, instead of a pure neutral spirit. It is also barrel aged. It has your normal juniper, orange, coriander notes, along with a lot of cardamon and hint of sugar in the finish. It costs $40 dollars and is a craft spirit worth the extra cash.

I am currently sipping on a variation of an Ephemeral Cocktail.

The Super Bowl is Harbaugh Free Cocktail.

Two Shots Ransom Old Tom Gin
1/2 Shot Cocchi Vermouth Di Torino
1/2 Shot St. Germaine
Several Dashes of Fees Grapefruit Bitters

Woodford Reserve 1838 Sweet Mash

2012-01-19T20:50:00.000-05:00

In my review of Woodford's Rare Rye, I mentioned that I had noticed a trend in the flavor of the master's distiller's collection. There is an unpleasant leather flavor to these whiskeys that I just don't like.

The Sweet Mash is an interesting concept. If you look at your typical bottle of bourbon, it will say sour mash, that is because the yeast used to make that whiskey has some history. They use yeast from the previous batch to make the next batch, creating an awesome bourbon family-tree-time-machine that has a somewhat acidic ph, hence sour mash. This whiskey was made with a brand new culture, and is therefore a sweet mash.

All I know is that I bought this bourbon last year, check that, two years ago, in Clarksville just before the Steelers laid the wood on the Titans. It cost $120 and tastes like leather with a touch of honey and basically sucks.

The Power Wry 2012 Wrap-up

2012-01-10T20:31:00.000-05:00

I guess Alabama is the champ. Since Auburn didn't collect their trophy last year. You can have their's. I hope that you don't mind that it is engraved with Auburn's motto of "Roll Tide". Awkward.

What did we learn from the bowls? Hint. Not much.

Gildan New Mexico Bowl: Temple Defeated Wyoming 37-15, becoming the Buck-Buck champions of 2012.
Famous Idaho Potato Bowl: Ohio Defeated Utah St. 24-23, Ohio won. Brady Hoke is confused. It's like the time where he tried to figure out the difference between ham and spam.
R&L Carriers New Orleans Bowl: Marshall Defeated Florida Intl 20-10. It's about time we kicked Florida out of the union.
San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl: TCU Defeated Louisiana Tech 31-24.
MAACO Las Vegas Bowl: Boise St. Defeated Arizona St. 56-24.
Sheraton Hawaii Bowl: Southern Miss Defeated Nevada 24-17. Thank god we don't have to pay attention to Paris Sheraton any longer.
Advocare V100 Independence: Bowl Missouri Defeated North Carolina 41-24. Is that a boner pill?
Little Caesar's Bowl: Purdue Defeated W Michigan 37-32. Preview of next years MAC Championship game.
BELK Bowl: NC State Defeated Louisville 31-24. BELK is like suet, only classier.
Milatary Bowl: Presented By Northrop Grumman Toledo Defeated Air Force 42-41. Your tax dollars at work. Muah-ha-ha-ha-cough-ha.
Bridgepoint Education Holiday Bowl: Texas Defeated California 21-10. And we learned nothing.
Champs Sports Bowl: Florida St Defeated Notre Dame 18-14. And I'm only up to December 29th. Fingers starting to ache. Better take my rheumatiz medicine. Also, Notre Dame sucks.
Alamo Bowl: Baylor Defeated Washington 67-56. I had no idea that George Washington was killed at the Alamo. See, you learn something new every day.
Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl: BYU Defeated Tulsa 24-21. Once again, your tax dollars at work. Muah-ha-ha-ha-cough-ha.
New Era Pinstripe Bowl: Rutgers Defeated Iowa St 27-13. Shitty game, snappy looking suit.
Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl: Miss St. Defeated Wake Forest 23-17. Can we foreclose on this bowl.
Insight Bowl: Oklahoma Defeated Iowa 31-14. Here's some insight, Kurt Ferentz is overrated.
Meineke Care Care Bowl of Texas: Texas A&M Defeated Northwestern 33-22. Thank you Northwestern for being the one thing we can count on in these uncertain times. A Northwestern bowl loss.
Hyundai Sun Bowl: Utah Defeated Georgia Tech 30-27. And Kim Jong Il is dead.
Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl Illinois Defeated UCLA 20-14. Could have renamed it the Kraft Your Coach Just Got Fired Bowl.
Autozone Liberty Bowl: Cincinnati Defeated Vanderbilt 31-24. Zip em up.
Chick fil-A Bowl: Auburn Defeated Virginia 43-24. Needs more hot sauce.
TicketCity Bowl: Houston Defeated Penn St 30-14. The real reason that LaVarr Arrington has taken down his Penn State swag.
Taxslayer.com Gator Bowl: Florida Defeated Ohio State 24-17. Nothing to see here.
Outback Bowl: Michigan State Defeated Georgia 33-30. Michigan State = Clutch
Capital One Bowl: South Carolina Defeated Nebraska 30-13. Man the Big 12 Sucks.
Rose Bowl Presented by Vizio: Oregon Defeated Wisconsin 45-38. The last hold out sold out. You couldn't hold out for Sony?
Tostitos Fiesta Bowl: Oklahoma State Defeated Stanford 41-38. Welcome back to your proper place Stanford.
Allstate Sugar Bowl: Michigan Defeated Virginia Tech 23-20 Brady Hoke was disappointed that it wasn't the High Fructose Corn Syrup Bowl.
Discover Orange Bowl: West Virginia Defeated Clemson 70-33. More points than teeth.
AT&T Cotton Bowl: Arkansas Defeated Kansas St 29-16.
BBVA Compass Bowl: SMU Defeated Pitt 28-6. Damn you Tebow. Oh, wrong Pitt.
Godaddy.com Bowl: Northern Illinois Defeated Arkansas St 30-28.
Allstate BCS National Championship Alabama Defeated LSU 21-0. SEC goes down hard in their first nation title loss.
BS National Title Game: LSU vs Oklahoma St. cancelled due to lack of snow, and teams.

Boomer Esiason Offends Chihuahua-Americans by comparing them to crappy Jets QB

2012-01-04T21:12:00.000-05:00

Earlier today, Broadcaster, and former Jets quarterback Boomer Esiason created a controversy by comparing Chihuahuas to current jets QB Mark Sanchez, stating "If you watched Mark Sanchez the last month of the season, he was like a chihuahua standing on Madison Avenue and 36th Street entering the Midtown Tunnel, eyes bigger than you-know-what, and just so shaky." The Taco Bell dog has issued a series of statements on behalf of all of those wronged little rats, I mean dogs.

First things first. When we get shaky, we crap in Gucci & Gabbana purse, not down our legs like that guy.
Do you think a Chihuahua would take that shit from Santonio Holmes. I would gnaw his ankle so hard, he'd need a second blunt for breakfast to forget the pain.
The only thing that we have in common with Mark Sanchez, is that we both know what Paris Hilton's snatch smells like. Why am I suddenly in a mood for a Snausage?
You better sleep with one eye open Norman.

Wry Slamma Jamma: The mother ship has dropped a load in Bloomington

2012-01-03T19:28:00.001-05:00

A little time in the sun and some "Just for Hynerian" hair
coloring won't fool me you shifty alien scum.

Clément Créole Shrubb

2012-01-01T20:45:00.001-05:00

Back in the day, I did an orange liqueur challenge, reviewing triple sec, cointreau, and Citron Patronage in different cocktails. Since then, I have used Grand Marnier in many cocktails, and I have also reviewed D.O.M. Benedictine and buried it on the chick shelf. I'm happy to say that I've found my 80 proof orange mixer.

Needless to say, this review is assuming that you have actually drunk a few drinks.

It' not crazy spicy like like the D.O.M. It's not nearly as sweet as Grand Marnier or any of the other Curacao's that I have tried.

It's just right, which is saying something with liqueurs. In summary.

Clément Créole Shrubb is the shit.
All that other shit is just shit. This shit, is the shit.

Power Rye: The Whole James Harrison Thing

2011-12-29T21:12:00.002-05:00

I've been stewing on this topic for 3 weeks now. I've thought about making many of the following points/rants. It's going to be a rant.

The NFL is getting too pussed up, but I'm hooked on it like crack and can't give up my first love.
Dear Colt McCoy, next time, do what Manning did for 12 years and duck.
Screw Roger the Clown.
Screw Mike Greenberg and everyone else at ESPN.
Dear James, I'm with you, but feel free to start popping spleens and puncturing lungs instead of ringing bells. The man has beat us down.

I'm going to vent the last of my frustration against ESPN and the whole LOL tweet debacle. First of all, they cherry picked the scariest image that they could find to put next to hist tweet, but why not use his actual twitter image? Because it doesn't fit the story that they want to sell!

What a monster.

Woodford Reserve Rare Rye

2011-12-16T21:30:00.000-05:00

This year's Woodford Reserve's Masters Collection brings you not one, but two Rye whiskeys. One aged in a new barrel, and another aged in a used rye barrel. (Technically the used barrel is not legally a rye whiskey, but who gives a shit.) Both are loved by frakking cylons?

This is the second time that I've tried one of the masters collections. The other was the sweet mash, which I was so annoyed with, due to price and suckiness, I have not taken the time to review it. Yet. You're times coming. The point is, yes there is a point, these rye's has a bit of the same leathery flavor that comes through in that bourbon. I'm not sure if the other collections share this trait.

These both must be pretty good. When I took my first sips earlier this evening, I really liked the New Cask and thought that the Aged Cask tasted like a thin scotch. Now, I've flipped and find the aged to be quite nice. The new cask has spice and citrus notes. The aged cask is vanilla and dates. All in all, good stuff.

Colonel E.H. Taylor Single Barrel

2011-12-06T21:46:00.000-05:00

If you actually care about the history, link. This whiskey is bottled in bond, which means that it has met certain government standards about how it was made and aged and it is bottled at 100 proof. Most people don't know that there are also very specific standards in the actual work force. Below is an image of your typical "bottled in bond" plant worker.

Much more effective than a hair net. Fittingly, this is a rough tasting bourbon. Very oaky and smokey. And the high proof kind of kills your taste buds. I had thoughts on the flavor at the beginning of the glass (not too shabby), but now it's all alcohol. There is not really much point in recommending it or not recommending it because it's one of those limited runs that you either lucked into by now or it's too late.

The Power Wry 12-5-11 BS Ranking: Rematches suck

2011-12-05T21:18:00.004-05:00

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood and state of sobriety, is the most accurate ranking of college football available. Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix. Two days later, I pinch off a post.

LSU (13-0) Defeated Georgia 42-10. Duh.
Oklahoma State (11-1) Defeated Oklahoma 44-10. The BS Championship game will be in my back yard on January 9th at 7:00 EST, so folks can actually watch the game and still get up for work the next day. If you guys do decide to show up, please send an e-mail or tweet so I can let my wife know that we are expecting company.
Alabama (12-1) Did not play. Not well played. -1.
Stanford (11-1) Did not play. Pass.
Oregon (11-2) Defeated UCLA 49-31. They had to beat the ugly friend since USC was grounded.
Wisconsin (11-2) Defeated Michigan State 42-39. Winning the inaugural Big 10 (12) conference championship game and earning an Oscar nomination for best supporting not-really-a-football-player (punter).
South Carolina (9-2) Did not play. +1. That's how you do it 'Bama. The old ball coach still gots it.
USC (9-2) Grounded. -3.
Clemson (9-3) Any team that exposes (i.e. opens a can of whoop ass) Va. Tech twice in one year is alright with me.
Michigan (10-2) I've had it with fucking bullshit conference pride. We have Urban now. Fuck you Michigan. I'm going back to the good old days when I hated all other 9(10(11)) teams in the Big 10(11(12)). Go Hokies! (You suck too) Don't think that I forgot you Fucky. Stanford by 20.

The Power Wry 11-28-11 BS Ranking: Urban Meyer is no Longer a Dick

2011-11-28T19:49:00.003-05:00

We have reassessed the situation, and he has been reclassified as "Driven." By we, I mean the royal we, as in that guy at Two Parts Rye is a royal asshole.

LSU (12-0) Defeated Arkansas 41-17. No truth to the rumor that Bobby Petrino quit at halftime. You can see how that rumor came about, because he is a big quitter. As a matter of fact, he's quitting the top 10 this week.
Oklahoma State (10-1) Did not play. You sneaky bastards.
Alabama (11-1) Defeated Auburn 42-14. And no trees were harmed in the process.
Stanford (11-1) Defeated Notre Dame 28-14. You should have hired Urban Meyer a few years ago. Oh yeah, he turned down the job. Hmmm.
USC (9-2) Defeated UCLA by a whole bunch. Sanctions, we don't need no stinking sanctions. Really, we don't.
Houston (12-0) Defeated Tulsa 48-16. Underachievers.
Oregon (10-2) Defeated Oregon State 49-21. The Lewis vs Clark bowl.
South Carolina (9-2) Defeated Clemson 34-13. Spurrier gave himself the game ball. Again.
Michigan State (10-2) Defeated Northwestern 31-17. Token Big 10(12) team.
Virginia Tech (11-1) Defeated Virginia 38-0. Pollsters have put them in the top 5, which goes to show that this is the only ranking worth reading.

The Power Wry 11-21-11 BS Ranking

2011-11-21T21:40:00.005-05:00

LSU (11-0) Defeated Mississippi 52-3. LSU actually took a knee with 5 minutes left in the game. Love it.
Arkansas (10-1) Defeated Mississippi State 44-17. Not a good week for ss-ss-pp.
Alabama (10-1) Defeated Georgia Southern 45-21. You let a 1-AA team hang 21 on you. You get leap-frogged.
Georgia (9-2) Defeated Kentucky 19-10. Georgia leaps into the rankings. I've ignored them all year because I remember the first 2 weeks of the season. This week didn't help, but did you see the rest of the games?
South Carolina (9-2) Defeated The Citadel 41-20. SEC East, just like your crappy conference, but warmer.
Houston (11-0) Defeated SMU 37-7. I promised to drop you last week, and I really wanted to baby. You know I did. It's just that, the state of Oklahoma had a bad day. You know I'll put you in your place next week, right? Don't you baby?
7-10 suspended due to give me a fucking break.

A Sad Sign of the Times

2011-11-21T21:28:00.000-05:00

During this holiday season,please remember the needy.
Like Buckeye Hating Chris,World Wide Kev,the 6 Million Dollar Man,
and all the others who cannot find more Christmas Ale.

Philip Rivers is Muno

2011-11-18T19:50:00.001-05:00

If you are at work, do not panic.
There are not two dildos on your screen.
There is a dildo and Muno from Yo Gabba Gabba.

The Power Rye 11-14-11 Ranking Bye-Bye-Boise

2011-11-14T20:16:00.001-05:00

LSU (10-0) Defeated Western Kentucky 42-9. Western Kentucky is the very thin part of the state, otherwise known as the pencil dick of the south. Or is that Spurrier's nickname?
Oklahoma State (10-0) Defeated Texas Tech 66-6. Excuse me while I consult the book of revelations to see what this means.
Alabama (9-1) Defeated Mississippi State 24-7. Here's a little behind-the-scenes on the ranking. Sometimes I get stuck trying to come up with a smart-assed comment, and come back to that team or teams when I'm done. I got nothing for this one and my drink is almost empty. At least you learned something useless.
Oregon (9-1) Defeated Stanford 52-30. Luck is a can't miss prospect, which means that the Colts will suck for 10 more years.
Oklahoma (8-1) Did not play. As always +1.
Arkansas (9-1) Defeated Tennessee 49-7. Penn State is sending representatives to UT to find out how you fill a 100k stadium year after year when you suck.
Clemson (9-1) Defeated Wake Forest 31-28. I can't believe that I have an ACC team ranked this high, this late in the season.
Houston (10-0) Defeated Tulane 73-17. 73 points. I like your style. You can be my new Boise. Next week, you will be ranked 9th.
South Carolina (9-2) Defeated Florida 17-12. It could be worse Florida, you could have lost to Purdue.
Virginia Tech (9-1) Defeated Georgia Tech 37-26. Seriously. Two ACC teams.

Joe Flacco is Brobee

2011-11-11T13:49:00.001-05:00

We continue to present evidence of the invasion of football by monsters.

Once again, this has absolutely nothing to do with the Steelers choking the game away against the Ravens.

Caorunn Scottish gin

2011-11-11T13:46:00.000-05:00

Pronounced Ka-roon.

So what is scottish gin. It's London Dry gin with...

One part coul blush apple

It's actually quite pleasant. It tastes a bit lighter than a London Dry, with some citrus flavor and a bit of sweetness. It does not make me wince when I drink it neat, which is always a sign of a quality gin. Well done.

Terrell Suggs is the Flukeman

2011-11-07T20:49:00.000-05:00

I have kept a diligent watch out for aliens invading our basketball courts. Now that the NBA is in a lockout, and nobody has noticed, we face an even more dangerous foe. Monsters have invaded football. I think that you will agree, the evidence is undeniable.

This post has nothing to do with me being pissed that the Steelers choked the game away with 8 seconds to go last night.

The Power Rye: 11/7/2011 BS Rankings. PSU. Dude! WFT! Dude!

2011-11-07T20:22:00.004-05:00

LSU (9-0) Defeated Alabama 9-6. I fell asleep at halftime. Did I miss anything? Nope. As games of the century go... it's a good thing we have another 89 years.
Alabama (8-1) Lost to LSU 9-6. If you were not so anti-immigration in the south, you would have better luck finding a kicker.
Oklahoma State (9-0) Defeated Kansas 52-45. Don't care game of the week, numero uno. Dear Alabama, that means number one.
Stanford (9-0) Defeated Oregon State 38-13. Really? Just 38-13. You gotta pound the Beaver(s) harder than that.
Arkansas (8-1) Defeated South Carolina 44-28. South Carolina has Jerry Sandusky's favorite mascot.
Oklahoma (8-1) Defeated Texas A&M 41-25. SEC speed could not bail out the Aggie's.
Oregon (7-1) Defeated Washington 34-17. Surely, there must be another Hasselbeck ready to graduate from high school.
Clemson (8-1) Did not play. Once again, well played.
Boise State (8-0) Defeated UNLV 48-21. Pretty sure that UNLV is not a word, let alone a state or city. Buy a vowel people. Boise drops a spot.
Penn State (8-1) Did not play. A couple of weeks ago I promised Buckeye-Hating-Chris that I would slide PSU into the 10 spot. At the time, I did not realize that would be an inappropriate comment.

The Power Wry 10-31-11 Halloween BS Ranking. Powered by too much candy! And beer. And bourbon.

2011-10-31T21:32:00.007-04:00

Ohio State 33. Wisconsin 20
Best game that I have ever attended.
This is using the NBA standard,
Which means that only the last 5 minutes are worth watching.

LSU Bye. Stayed home to prepare for the national title game against Alabama.
Alabama Bye. Stayed home to prepare for the national title game against LSU. Buckeye Hating Chris would have you believe that they already won it in Happy Valley.
Oklahoma State (8-0) Defeated Baylor 59-24. All SEC top 3. Cowboys and Bears. Did they bring back John Madden to call this game?
Stanford (7-0) Defeated USC 56-48. Jim Harbaugh and Pete Carroll spent the entire game yelling "Go for 2!".
Oregon (7-1) Defeated Washington State 43-28. Yawn.
Arkansas (7-1) Defeated Vanderbilt 31-28. Thereby getting revenge on E. Gordon Gee for the Sugar Bowl loss. One University President's job removed.
Oklahoma (7-1) Defeated Kansas State 58-17.
Boise State (7-0) Did not play. Strength of schedule improves. They still drop 1 spot.
Nebraska (7-1) Defeated Michigan State 24-3. And once again, Michigan State sees another promising season flushed down the shitter.
South Carolina (7-1) Defeated Tennessee 14-3. I should drop you 10 spots for only hanging 14 on UT.

The Power Rye 10-24-11 BS Ranking

2011-10-24T20:17:00.004-04:00

It's not college football, but for any Ohio State fan who thinks that they are tedious to watch this year, like me. Try watching the Cleveland Browns vs the Seattle Seahawks. Poopy, poopy, poopy.

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood, is the most accurate ranking of college football available. Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix. Two days later, I pinch off a post.

LSU (8-0) Defeated Auburn 45-19. The NCAA let Auburn off the hook, but the rest of the SEC has not.
Alabama (8-0) Defeated Tennessee 37-6. I've run out of Tennessee jokes. I only had one. And it was bad. See last week.
Oklahoma State (7-0) Defeated Missouri 45-24. The Big 12 (10(9)) conference presents the SEC game of the week.
Stanford (7-0) Defeated Washington 65-21. Most people don't know this, kids that can't get into Stanford, go to a JUCO named Lamont. It's full of big dummies.
Clemson (8-0) Defeated North Carolina 58-38. "Clemson and Clover" is my favorite song by Tommy James and the Shondells.
Oregon (6-1) Defeated Colorado 45-2. Two? Two!
Boise St. (7-0) Defeated Air Force 37-26.
Michigan State (6-1) Defeated Wisconsin (37-31). First of all, good call by the replay booth. Second of all, how in the hell did you lose to fucking Notre Dame? Was it alumni day and you let Curtis Painter play for fun? Seriously that S.O.B. damn near cost me my fantasy league game two weeks in a row. First, he gives the Bengals defense 10 points in the last two minutes of the game (2 int's, one was a pick-6, I lose by less than a point). This week, I'm up by 70 going into last night's game, and my opponent has Jimmy Graham, Darren Sproles, and John Kasay, and that sorry excuse for a qb can't get a damn first down. Wait a minute. Curtis Painter played for Purdue. Sorry Sparty. That still doesn't get you off the hook for losing to Notre Dame.
Oklahoma (6-1) Lost to Texas Tech (41-38). The key to the Tech Victory. Craig James's kid is still locked in the broom closet.
Wisconsin (6-1) Lost to the Curtis Painter led Michigan State Spartans. Whoops.

John L Sullivan Whiskey

2011-10-20T19:34:00.004-04:00

This is a nice entry level Irish whiskey that is not named Bushmill's or Jameson's. It is aged in Bourbon Barrels, that are only used for their whiskey for once. It is pretty tasty and some of the bourbon flavor comes through under the standard barley flavor of an Irish Whiskey.

The whiskey is named after an Irish-American ass-kicker. He was the last bare knuckle boxing champion in history, and since he didn't retire, the first gloved champion. His last fight bare-knuckled fight, which is on the label lasted 75 rounds, after 77, they go to the judges' score cards.

I really wanted to add a joke about him beating up on
Leonardo DiCaprio, but I couldn't find a good image.
You have to admit, that his hat and mustache must have
been reincarnated for Gangs of New York.

The Power Wry 10-17-11 BS Ranking

2011-10-17T20:01:00.003-04:00

In non-ranking news, and since they won't be seeing this countdown this year, I would be remiss if I didn't mention that Ohio State set offensive football back 80 years by going 1 of 4 passing and winning. Egads. That says a lot about Illi-noise and even more about the 6 teams that they beat.

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood, is the most accurate ranking of college football available. Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix. Two days later, I pinch off a post.

LSU (7-0) Defeated Tennesee 38-7. It used to be that you couldn't spell citrus without "UT", now it's "B-UT, we scored this week."
Alabama (7-0) Defeated Mississippi 52-7. Because they are awesome.
Oklahoma (6-0) Defeated Kansas 47-17. The program hasn't been the same since Roy Williams left for North Carolina.
Wisconsin (6-0) Defeated Indiana 59-7. At least they didn't run up the score this year.
Oklahoma State (6-0) Defeated Texas 38-26. What the hell happened to Texas? Did they lose 30 scholarships and nobody told us. Did Vince Young have to give back Reggie Bush's Heisman?
Boise (6-0) Defeated Colorado State 63-13. I dropped them because I thought that they had beaten Colorado, which lost to Ohio State. I have realized my mistake, but fuck-em anyway.
Stanford (6-0) Defeated Washington State 44-14. Their star qb was recently disappointed to find out that the "Suck For Luck" sweepstakes does not involve fellatio.
Clemson (7-0) Defeated Maryland 56-45. Clemson Tide is my favorite non-Sean Connery sub movie.
Arkansas (5-1) Did not play. Well played.
Michigan State (5-1) Defeated Michigan (28-14). Suck it Michigan.

Wry World of Sports: 3/5 of BoSox Rotation Finds Baseball To Be Just As Boring As You Do

2011-10-13T19:39:00.001-04:00

We're just sitting here; waiting to die.

To the surprise of no one under the age of 70, baseball players find the game to be a dull, ponderous, soul crushing waste of time, just like the 99% of Americans not on Social Security.

Who could blame Boston Red Sox Pitchers Josh Beckett, Jon Lester, and John Lackey for drinking beer, eating chicken, and playing video games on days when they were not playing. Fortunately, the three were available for comment.

Josh Becket: "You should see how much I have to drink to get through the days that I have to play this stupid game."

Jon Lester: "I actually had to miss some Monday Night Football because we were playing on the same night. How fucked up is that?"

John Lackey: "How long is the season? I think it's 500 games. Feels like a million. We start in April, and finish the world series at around... shit, I've pitched in the world series; I think it was around Christmas. It had to be around Christmas because people were dressed in funny costumes in the stands. Whatever, I was drunk."

Nothing

2011-10-12T18:06:00.000-04:00

So Mrs. Rye asks: What did you spill on the floor? (TV Room)
Nothing!

The Nothing cocktail:

In a large rocks glass

Add ice
2 shots of OYO Vanilla Bean Vodka
1/2 shot of Benedictine
Top with lemon soda

She actually thought that was funny.

The Power Wry 10-10-11 BS Ranking

2011-10-10T19:07:00.004-04:00

The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood, is the most accurate ranking of college football available. Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix. Two days later, I pinch off a post.

LSU (5-0) Defeated Florida 41-11. When you punter taunts at the end of a 40+ yard run, you're #1 in my book.
Alabama (5-0) Defeated Vanderbilt 44-0. Nice to see that they are not coasting after that big victory at Penn State a few weeks ago.
Wisconsin (6-0) did not play. +1
Oklahoma (6-0) defeated Texas (55-17) The fact that a shitty Ohio State team should have beaten Nebraska this week, lessens the Big 12 (10)'s stock. I know that Nebraska is now in the Big 10 (12), but they've only been there for two weeks.
Boise St. (5-0) Defeated Fresno St 57-7.
Oklahoma State (5-0) Defeated Kansas 70-28. It's a good thing for them that Mark May didn't go to Kansas.
Stanford (4-0) Defeated Colorado 48-7. You drop because you beat a team that lost to Ohio State.
Clemson (6-0) Defeated Boston College 36-14. Will somebody beat these guys so I can have an ACC-free top 10.
Arkansas (4-1) Defeated Auburn 38-14. Does anyone miss Ryan Mallett? Of course you don't.
Michigan (5-0) / Michigan State (4-1). One of these teams will not be heard from again in this poll. The other will also have the screen door hit them in the ass in a couple of weeks.

Pardon me, do you know where I can find some Yuengling?

2011-10-06T19:24:00.002-04:00

It looks like they expect Columbus to be excited about Ohio finally getting Yuengling.

They are right.

Except for World-Wide-Kev, who is at most a-flutter, because he only likes the Black & Tan.

Wry World of Sports: ESPN executives shocked to find out that Hank Williams Jr is just another dumb ass redneck

2011-10-03T19:43:00.003-04:00

Earlier today, ESPN executives announced that they are dropping Hank Williams Jr's oh-so-fresh "All my rowdy friends are coming over tonight" from Monday Night Football. Junior apparently compared Obama to Hitler and made some other dumb-ass comments on Fox News (Gasp, shock, Fox News).

We spoke to a made-up ESPN executive earlier today for comments.

"We at ESPN are shocked to learn that Hank Williams Jr. does not support our politically correct agenda. We would have thought that the man who sang "A Boy Named Sue", the theme song of transgenders everywhere, would be a bit more sensitive to the trouble facing our nation." (editor's note. "A Boy Named Sue" is actually a Johnny Cash song and is more about kicking ass than anything else.)

Neither Hank Jr, or the mountain that he did a face-plant off of could be reached for comment.

Now, if we could just get Faith Hill to say something stupid, we could get the Sunday night games started earlier too.

The Power Rye 2011 BS Rankings are Back Baby!

2011-10-03T19:20:00.000-04:00

Hey there college football fans. I don't know what it's been like with your program this past off-season, but man, it sure has been boring in Columbus.

By boring, I mean that we are suffering a death by a 1000 cuts as in every week we get another not so bad NCAA violation, but the shit just adds up.

To top it off, every week I get to see the worst offensive line play in football on Saturday while watching the Bucks and on Sunday while watching the Steelers. It's enough to make a football fan drink, which is of course why this blog exists.

For those of you who do not remember...
The Power Rye, or Power Wry, depending on my mood, is the most accurate ranking of college football available. Each week, I feed all of the facts, figures, stats, scores and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix. Two days later, I pinch off a post.

One more thing SEC/Michigan/Other suck-ass school fans, the university may have vacated all of the wins from last year. I have not.

Alabama (5-0) defeated Florida 38-10. It's a what have you done for me lately ranking, and sorry LSU and Oklahoma, they had the best win this week.
LSU (5-0) Defeated Kentucky 35-7. LSU had the most impressive early schedule and would have been ranked #1, if not for the fact that one of the teams that they beat was West Virginia.
Oklahoma (4-0) Defeated Ball State 62-6 and nobody gives a shit.
Wisconsin (5-0) Defeated Nebraska 48-17. Wisconsin has taken a lot of heat for their soft non-conference schedule, but I think that it prepped them perfectly for Big 10 play.
Boise St (4-0) Defeated Nevada 30-10. Do you remember the glory days of Boise in 2009 when they would have won by 40?
Stanford (4-0) Defeated UCLA 45-19. Several bad NFL teams are asking you to be careful with their next qb.
Clemson (5-0) Defeated Va Tech 23-3. And the football world is shocked that it actually took 5 weeks for Virginia Tech to be exposed.
and 9, and 10 go to SouthCaroliMichiTexArkanaBraskaTech State. It is still to early to sort out the also-rans.

They really need to start selling alcohol at OSU Games

2011-10-01T19:45:00.004-04:00

It was a beautiful sight at halftime today to see all of the other teams at Ohio State come out and thank the football program for funding their crappy little sports. Unfortunately, the football team didn't show up to say you're welcome.
I think that in order to fix our offense, we have to start breaking tendencies, right now, we tend to suck.
Freshman Braxton Miller got beaten like a pinata today. The Campus Police filed charges of child endangerment in the second quarter. Later on, they put in Joe Bauserman and charges of abusing the elderly were added.
I'm looking forward to taking back all of the bad things that I've said about Urban Meyer on this blog.
Speaking of assholes, Terrell Pryor was a much better qb than he ever got credit for in these parts.
Speaking of assholes, ditto for Tressel as a coach.

Spatens! Spaten Octoberfest

2011-09-21T19:39:00.001-04:00

Definitely pour this beer into a glass, to get rid of the cross-the-ocean skunk that you get with euro-beers.

Having said that, I really like it. It's not too heavy and sweet, like the octoberfest beers you get in the U.S. Light, crisp, slightly sweet finish. Good beer to pound during the game.

Most people don't know that I have traced my genealogy back several thousand years, and I do indeed have Spaten blood in my family. Fair warning. Do not get between a Spaten and the ... let me count. One... two... three... things that he loves.

D.O.M. Benedictine

2011-09-13T19:55:00.003-04:00

Benedictine is another in a long line of great alcoholic beverages that was created by virgins.

It tastes like orange, sugar and spices, or as the label tells me, 27 spices. I have the 1510 version, which is apparently a limited edition that tastes just like every other bottle of Benedictine. I'll remember just how collectible it is when I throw it into the recycling bin.

It will probably take me a few years to kill it, but I want to put a dent in it. I pulled out my NY bartenders cocktail book and found a recipe called the honeymoon.

4 parts apple brandy
2 parts benedictine
2 parts fresh lemon juice
1 tsp triple sec (another orange liqueur, very redundant)

Of course, I can never follow a recipe, plus, I have an almost empty bottle of applejack that gots-to-go.
I present the "Honeymoon is Over" cocktail. Which is pretty darn tasty.

3 parts applejack
1/2 part Benedictine
1/2 part Lemoncello

I am using Cousin David's lemoncello which is as follows.

Put lemon zest into Everclear to create an extract.
Add sugar, and I sincerely hope, water.

I think that I can feel my toenails growing.

Crème de Violette and the Aviation

2011-09-03T18:27:00.000-04:00

Crème de Violette is one of those classic cocktail ingredients that until recently, you just couldn't find in Ohio. Fortunately, my local store has a real lover of good drink running the liquor department, and he's actually been pushing the liquor control board to allow the good stuff to sneak in with the 500 flavored vodkas that usually get approved by the board.

Crème de Violette is sweet, flowery, with a hint of bitterness. It's meant to be a mixer and nothing else. The original aviation is as follows: (recipe from Oh Gosh)

2 shots gin
½ shot lemon juice
⅓ shot Maraschino
⅙ shot Crème de Violette

Now for my "Improved aviation". Improved is a term that bloggers use to say that their version is some how better than original. As you know, I am much more modest than that. I need a term for this cocktail that is much more beholden to my family centered mid-western values. Something that takes me back to my childhood when people were just more down-home good.

The I'm Making it (purple) rain bitch! cocktail.

Barely coat the bottom of the glass with Marischino
1/2 shot of Crème de Violette
1 shot of Square One Botanical
1 shot of Gin
Add ice and top with a dry Lemon Soda

Luxardo Marischino

2011-08-29T19:18:00.000-04:00

What in the world is Luxardo Maraschino? (pronounced mar-ess-skee-no)

It is a liqueur made from marasca sour cherries. It has so much sugar added to it, you don't know what you're tasting. I know what it doesn't taste like. Cherry. It's kind of earthy, if the earth was made of sugar cane.

Why isn't the earth made of sugar cane?

It's a nice additive to cocktails; use in small doses. There are other types of maraschinos, but I have yet to gain access to them.

Square One Botanical

2011-08-21T19:06:00.005-04:00

This is part 2 of the ingredients for my improved Aviation. I could list the botanicals, but why bother when they provide such a perfect picture.

It has enough complexity to qualify it as gin-like, instead of vodka, even though it has no juniper. I think that the pear, rose, and lavender dominate.

I've had a hard time trying to figure out what to do with this. Most of the recipes on their website substitute Square One for gin in some classic recipes. It has enough of a "wince factor" to make me not want to drink it straight or on the rocks. This is caused because it is a rye based spirit, which obviously gets a thumbs up here, but rye is not to be trifled with lightly, and they could mix something else in the mash to soften the flavor.

I still recommend it. Hell, I found a great use for it... which I will be sharing later.

Bluecoat Gin

2011-08-20T19:52:00.002-04:00

This will be part "1 of n" reviews leading up to my improved version of a classic cocktail.

Hint. It rhymes with "Aviation".

This is a great American style Gin. Which means that it is a London Dry done right. It has all of the classic flavors of a London Dry, yet its much more approachable. One of the questions that I ask myself when trying to discern the quality of a gin is... "Does it make me wince?" This gin does not. It has a lighter juniper flavor than your typical London Dry, with a bit of orange and other citrus notes. It's quite nice by itself over the rocks, which is a lot more than I can say about most other gins.

Wry World of Sports Presents the Definitive Jim Tressel Time Line

2011-08-11T20:12:00.001-04:00

Tomorrow, The Ohio State University goes before the NCAA Committee of Infractions. There is no need to wait for the NCAA to reveal the long history of bad-bad-bad-doings of ex-Ohio State coach Jim Tressel. Our crack staff of investigative drunks at the Wry World of Sports has already cracked the case.

∞ B.C. Tressel gives God the finger. Creates hell..

Long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Tressel convinces Anakin Skywalker to kill some Yuenglings.

6000 B.C. Tressel bakes Eve an Apple Pie.

44 B.C. Et tu Jimbo?

September 1st 1919. Shoeless Joe Jackson Tells Tressel that he'd "Gladly pay him Tuesday for a hamburger today."

October 2cd, 1919. Chicago Black Sox Scandel.
December 5th, 1952. Jim Tressel is born.
October 2cd, 1963, Jimmy Tressel gets a library card in Dallas Texas.
November 22cd, 1963. John F Kennedy is assasinated.

... Premise starting to run thin...
May 30 2011, Tressel resigns as football coach at Ohio State. Justice!

Cocchi Vermouth di Torino

2011-08-10T18:34:00.001-04:00

Way back in the early days of this blog, I had a rant against expensive vermouths, stating that they taste like Ketchup. Now I've found one that's pretty darn tasty, and sadly costs $20. Which is a far cry from the $5 that I usually shill out for Gallo.

This is a tasty vermouth. Very sweet with a citrus and raisin flavor and a bitter finish. In my last article, I lamented that Wathen's bourbon could not stand up to a strong vermouth. It mixes quite well with Cocchi. Love it. It's well worth the extra money.

Wathen's Single Barrel

2011-07-26T20:30:00.000-04:00

I picked up this nice sipper during our family vacation at Rohoboth Beach Delaware. There are two things that that don't have in Delaware. Sales tax and shade.

Wathen's is made with eight generations of blah, blah, blah. I find this one to be very spicy with a lot of oak. You'd think that a bold bourbon like this would make a nice Manhattan, but it can't stand up to even a splash of Noilly Pratt. Weird.

Still, it's a nice sipper.

Several Almost Empties: Sazerac 18, Elmer T Lee

2011-06-27T21:34:00.000-04:00

OK. This has been sitting in draft for over a week. More almost empties to come.

Sazerac 18: This is the 2009 bottling, which is considered inferior to the 2010. The 2010 must be something because this is quite nice. It has a nice strong grain flavor, with a bit of vanilla sweetness, both in your initial sip and the finish. A+.

Elmer T Lee: This bourbon comes highly recommended. Frankly, I don't see what's the big deal. It's smooth, which is damning with faint praise. At least it's cheap. C

The Wry World of Sports Congratulates Danny Noonan for Winning the 2011 US Open

2011-06-20T19:53:00.001-04:00

This keen observation brought to you by S1T.

Wry World Of Sports: Jim Tressel Claims Another Victim

2011-06-06T21:47:00.000-04:00

The Bowl Championship Series announced today that they have stripped USC of their 2004 National Championship. This sanction was handed down after it was discovered by Sports Illustrated's ace reporter, George "Old News" Dohrman, that Ohio State coach Jim Tressel knew that USC runningback Reggie Bush's parents were given a luxury home by a sports agent.

"Not only did Tressel turn a blind eye to the misdeeds of his own players, he also turned a blind eye to the misdeeds of other teams. He spread his doctrine of "La, la, la, I can't hear you." around the nation. Wait until you hear what he knew about Cam Newton, OJ Mayo, Craig James, and Shoeless Joe Jackson. It's just a shame that he had to drag down a man of high moral character, like Pete Carroll, down with him."

Two Parts Rye's official summer beer of 2011: Wittekerke

2011-06-05T20:30:00.001-04:00

It's hot, it's humid, you just got done playing softball, or mowing the lawn, and your balls are sticking to your leg. (If they are sticking to both, seek help from a medical professional.) You need a nice lite, summer pounder. This is it. It's a thinner blue moon and I love it. It's from Belgium, and I still love it!. I've done my research and the name has something to do with Captain Kirk.

I present to you, the next coach of THE Ohio State University

2011-05-31T20:55:00.000-04:00

Folks, we don't need the anti-Tressel. Tressel was one of the greats. But he came up short in one area. I give you, the one man, who could out Tressel-Tressel.

Jim Beam Devil's Cut

2011-05-21T20:46:00.002-04:00

Well, the rapture was scheduled for this evening, and here I sit, drinking. Chances are, if you read this blog, you're still here too. There may have been an exception made for World-Wide-Kev, which is a shame, because he pitches for my softball team and we have a game tomorrow.

I thought that I was going to make it out, but I sealed my fate when I purchased a bottle of Devil's Cut yesterday. For those of you who are uninitiated in whiskey slang. The whiskey that evaporates during the aging process is called the angel's share. The Beam folks have found a way to pull out the whiskey that is absorbed into the barrel, and they blend it with normal Jim Beam. It all sounds like a bunch of marketing jiggety-pokety-whosie-whatsie-hommina-hommina-bull-shit.™

It turns out that this is indeed a better Beam. Not leaps and bound better, but it's pretty good. It has a bit more oak, and a bit more spice.

So, did anyone get raptured?

I took a Bulleit for you. Bulleit Rye

2011-04-21T19:19:00.000-04:00

This pains me, because I am a fan of Bulleit Bourbon. And this whiskey is a decent sipper. It's spicey and hot when you drink it neat.

But I buy a $25 rye for a Manhattan. Bulleit Rye brings out a bizarre celery flavor when mixed with vermouth. I've tried serveral different vermouth and bitters combinations. In the end. It's only drinkable if I mix in Jim Beam Rye or a strong bourbon like Knob Creek.

So there you have it. I took a Bulleit for you. You're welcome.

You can't take it (all) with you

2011-04-12T21:57:00.000-04:00

No. I'm not dying. I'm getting the Casa de Rye ready to sell. We're looking to upgrade our space; and to quote Mrs. Rye. "You can't move all of this stuff. You'll need to do some more drinking." To her credit, she did not do an immediate, "I can't believe that I just said that face."

Expect more drink reviews. Most of them will be via tweets. I decided a few months ago, that if I don't have anything funny to say, or at least a funny picture, it's not getting a blog post.

If you live in the Central Ohio area, and are thinking about getting a palatial Clintonville home. There's one coming on the market this year.

Barrels? We don't need no stinking barrels. Part 3: Our honor defend, we'll fight to the end for OYO?

2011-04-04T21:34:00.003-04:00

OK. We have a white whiskey that admits that it's a white whiskey (scroll down two posts.). A white whiskey perfuming itself up to be gin (one post down). And now we got a white whiskey claiming to be vodka?

The first time that I tasted this vodka, I thought that it was a nice mash bill for a whiskey. I'm quite happy that I'm going to get my wish. The wheat whiskey is due out this month.

This is not the "vodka" for your typical cranberry and spread legs cocktail. You should drink it neat and appreciate it. It's made from 100% Ohio winter wheat. Which was only 2 pts worse then Kentucky winter wheat this year. This is what happens if you don't triple distill the life and joy out of... well, life.

Barrels? We don't need no stinking barrels. Part 2: Don't forget to "Cup the Bols"

2011-04-02T19:57:00.000-04:00

Welcome back to our incredibly exciting series on white whiskey. You might be asking yourself, what's genever? Well, it's what gin used to be before the English took all the fun out of it. You might also be asking yourself what this has to do with white whiskey. We'll plagiarize their website for an explanation.

The heart of Bols Genever is a whiskey-like triple distillate made of corn, wheat and rye, which the Dutch called malt-wine. This flavor-rich distillate is carefully blended with a juniper-berry distillate...

In other words, it's moonshine and juniper. Shockingly, it's quite good with tonic. Just make sure to add a squeeze of lime or lemon. Or a dash of Fee's grapefruit bitters.

The "Cup the Bols" cocktail.

1 part Bols Genevere
1 part Rye Whiskey
1/2 part Sweet Vermouth
1/2 part Grand Marnier

Add ice. Stir and drink.

Barrels? We don't need no stinking barrels. Part 1: Buffalo Trace White Dog

2011-03-25T20:01:00.001-04:00

This will be part one of an exciting three part series on white whiskey. Ironically, this is the only one of the three that calls itself whiskey.

White whiskey is what you get when you don't put your distillate in a barrel, AKA moonshine. The Buffalo Trace white dog is 125 proof. Drinking it neat gives a hell of a burn. It's got some corn, grain and yeast flavor. With, like I said, a hell of a burn at the end. Let's add water.

Well, that brings out some sweetness. And.... not much else.

So, does that dog hunt? If by hunt, you mean get you drunk. Then yes. If you mean taste good. Not really. There's a reason that god made the oak tree; it was for coopering barrels for bourbon. This was made for the person who just has to know what it tastes like right out of the still. It is sold in 375 ml bottles at the same price as a 750 ml bottle of the bourbon. Tricky bastards.

Wry Slamma Jamma: Yabba Dabba Done!

2011-03-21T21:10:00.000-04:00

Bruce Pearl was fired today. I think that he's a hell of a coach, but dude.

I shouldn't have given Aaron Craft my world famous brontosaurus ribs!

The Tyrconnell Single Malt

2011-03-17T20:21:00.003-04:00

We continue our St Pattie's day tradition of enjoying a fine Irish Whiskey at home, while all of the amateurs clog the bars.

This was a Christmas gift from Cousin David. Thank you.

Web Tasting Notes:

Colour: Golden Yellow

Nose: Full and fruity aroma with a citrus – spiciness taste

Taste: Well structured with honey notes hanging from the nose. A tang of oranges and lemons, a strong malt presence that balances well with the oily sweetness

Finish: A long finish with the malt becoming more dominant to the end without the soft fruits and honey, which helped make up the middle.

Alcohol content: 40%

Serving Suggestions: The Tyrconnell can be served neat in a tumbler, or with a little water to taste.

My Take: Avoid water. It does not take much to make this whiskey to taste too thin. I agree that it is oily. I think that it tastes salty and spicy, with a sweet leather finish. This is a sipper. The kind of whiskey that you sit back and enjoy. Take some time to philosiphize about the universe, wondering where in the world is World-Wide-Kev?

Grade: B

Wry Slamma Jamma: 2011 NCAA Tournament Prediction

2011-03-13T21:56:00.003-04:00

I got Ohio State over BYU in the final; the ultimate match-up of good vs evil. Ohio State will win. Why?

Evil will always beat good because good is dumb.

Vine Talk

2011-03-13T19:50:00.001-04:00

From time to time, I get an e-mail asking to check out something new on the booze scene. Usually, I ignore any e-mail that doesn't involve a free bottle of liquor being sent to my house. Hint.

I received a trailer for a new show called Vine Talk, featuring Stanley Tucci. He's a fine actor, but I don't know if that gives him the chops to wax on about wine. Other than the obvious access that money brings to the table. I was ready to ignore it, then suddenly, I saw something special in the video.

Bed Bath & Beyond 2005. Delicious.

At least I know that they saved money on coasters and invested it in the wine.

Wry Slamma Jamma: Bo Ryan is an Alien

2011-03-06T19:14:00.005-05:00

I have been quiet lately. But I have not deserted my post. I am watching you, you alien basketball fiends.

Legends and Leaders renamed Tiger's Blood and Adonis DNA

2011-03-03T21:21:00.001-05:00

Many felt that the Big 10 was being egotistical when the conference named its divisions Legends and Leaders. In an effort to bring some modesty to the conference, Commissioner Jim Delaney has hired Charlie Sheen as a consultant.

"Charlie brings the kind of down home midwestern values that our conference likes to represent. Let's face it, his dumb-ass show is the kind of brainless crap that midwesterners just suck up. Plus, his hatred of Alcoholics Anonymous went over really well in Wisconsin."

When asked what other qualities brought the two titans together, Delaney pointed out the obvious. "Joe Paterno also has Tiger's blood and Adonis DNA, so it was a natural fit."

Watershed Gin

2011-02-26T19:22:00.001-05:00

Watershed Distillery is one of two distilleries producing spirits in Columbus. Its an interesting name. At first, I thought that the watershed is where you beat your kids back in the pioneer days; you know, back before there were Wal-Marts. Turns out that was the woodshed. A watershed is a strip of land between two rivers. The distillery is located between the Scioto and the mighty Olentangy, so that works. They are most likely going after the "watershed moment", which is the moment when everything changes.

That's all fine and dandy, but you probably are wondering if the gin is any good. It is. You get your typical juniper flavor that you would expect from a London dry. It has a hint of citrus, and I think that it has a lot of cucumber. Good stuff.

Slane Castle and White Castle

2011-02-21T12:43:00.002-05:00

On occassion, I do like to offer up a food pairing to go with the drink that I am reviewing. The obvious choice for this Irish estate made whiskey with a burger made from a famous American estate.

Web stuff: This unique Whiskey blend has been distilled by the nearby Cooley Distillery, which won the European and World Distiller of the Year at the 2008 International Wine and Spirit Competition. It is a well balanced blend of malt and grain Irish Whiskey which has been aged and matured for at least four years in American oak barrels that previously matured Bourbon. In the traditional Irish style, the malt whiskey is distilled in copper pot stills and no peated malt is used. Both the malt content and the type of wood used for maturation give this product its sweetness and depth of character.

My two cents: The aging in bourbon barrels adds a lot of sweetness and oak that differentiates it from Bushmill's and Jameson. It does help me to forget that I am eating White Castle, which should only be consumed when you are drunk.

Grade: B-

The Kraken Rum

2011-01-28T22:04:00.003-05:00

This product was received for review just in time, as the bottle that I had purchased for myself was almost empty. That bottle was pretty much drained during last years Super Bowl by the $6 Million Dollar Man. (Been a long time since I referenced my friends.) This was an impressive feat, considering that he was having a kidney stone attack during the game. For the uninitiated, The $6MMm man is a a walking, talking pile of replacement parts. His left kidney has been replaced by a catalytic converter froma 1984 Chevy Monte Carlo. His right kidney consists of a cheese cloth wrapped around a coffee press. I'm guessing that it was a pretty big stone.

The Kraken is a spiced rum. The natural thing to do is to compare it to the captain. It's not as sweet, but it is spicier and more tannic. Lets face it. The captain is the Carson Palmer of rum; coasting on an unearned reputation, and at this point, we're not sure what team he's playing for.

Kraken & Cola.

Two shots of the Kraken
Ice
Top with cane sugar sweetened Cola (I'm using Coca Cola from Mexico)
Lime Wedge

The Power Rye 2010-11 Final Rankings

2011-01-20T21:06:00.003-05:00

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's been a while. But the Baby Rye is on the move, which means I spend most of my free time playing goalie.

We'll count it down for the final poll.

10. The little sisters of the poor. Who are much better than TCU.

9. Arkansas. (10-3) Nanna-nanna-boo-boo. We beat you. PS. Scoop and score dipshit.

8. Oklahoma. (12-2) Defeated UConn 48-20. Before you start feeling proud of yourself, please keep in mind that Michigan beat UConn by 20.

7. Alabama. (10-3) Defeated Michigan St. 49-7. I was expecting an ass-whooping, but damn!

6. LSU (11-2) Defeated Texas A&M 41-24. Les Miles is my favorite crazy coach.

5. Wisconsin (11-2) Just hand the ball off on every play and you win. Bielema = Dumbass!

4. Stanford (12-1) Looking forward to being irrelevant again.

3. Ohio State (12-1) Defeated Arkansas 31-26. We are tattooing the victory in the record books, so that it cannot be removed in the future.

2. Oregon (12-1) Lost the national title game. That's about it.

1. Auburn (14-0) Defeated Oregon 22-19. They needed a fluke non-tackle and $200k, but dag gummit, they're the champs. As champions, I ask that a representative of the university contact me to collect your trophy. It's a customized bottle of Old Overholt, with your battle cry "Roll Tide" on the label. I promise that I won't revoke it when you have to give back that crystal football in a year or two.

That's one magic assed glass

2010-12-28T13:12:00.001-05:00

... or how a Belgian beer hater had to grudgingly admit that Duvel's pretty good.

This was a Christmas gift from my bother-in-law. They were along the right track, but I really dislike the yeast in Belgian beers. It came with the super cool Duvel glass. I don't know that if the tulip shape is trapping the bad flavors where I can't get to them, or encouraging them to get the hell out of here while the head settles. Either way. I approve.

The beer is somewhat light tasting, with some citrus, maltiness, and some yeasty qualities. It is bottle fermented, and I plan to age my last two bottles for a couple of years to see how it evolves. It's 8.5% abv. and goes down easy. Consider yourself forewarned.

The Power Rye: Ohio State fans spared from 4th year of one hopping a five yard slant

2010-12-23T14:38:00.004-05:00

http://www.dispatch.com/live/content/index.html
What's good for the goose...

The Human Turnstyle, TFL, Butter Fingers, "I paid for my tattoos!", and some other guy.

Five Ohio state football players have been suspended for five games next season due to their acceptance of discount tattoo prices, and selling of memorabilia to the same tattoo artist. For some reason ($), they will be allowed to participate in the Sugar Bowl. Ohio State will will surely struggle to replace their talent.

Terrell Pryor. Who will one hop passes to wide open receivers when he's gone?
Boom Herron. Who will get tackled for a loss every other play when he's gone?
Mike Adams. Who will give up two sacks a game when he's gone?
Devier Posey. Who is going to drop three passes a game when he's gone?
Soloman Thomas. Who is he?

Here's what the dumbasses sold.

Adams must repay $1,000 for selling his 2008 Big Ten championship ring

Herron must repay $1,150 for selling his football jersey, pants and shoes for $1,000 and receiving discounted services worth $150

Posey must repay $1,250 for selling his 2008 Big Ten championship ring for $1,200 and receiving discounted services worth $50

Pryor must repay $2,500 for selling his 2008 Big Ten championship ring, a 2009 Fiesta Bowl sportsmanship award and his 2008 Gold Pants, a gift from the university

Solomon (Thomas) must repay $1,505 for selling his 2008 Big Ten championship ring for $1,000, his 2008 Gold Pants for $350 and receiving discounted services worth $155.

The Power Wry: There has to be a hard knocks joke to go with this story...

2010-12-22T20:33:00.004-05:00

http://deadspin.com/5715741/this-may-or-may-not-be-rex-ryans-wife-making-foot+fetish-videos?skyline=true&s=i

Do yourself a favor and don't read the swinger web site screen shot at the bottom of the deadspin article. You have to read it, but you shouldn't.

Suddenly, Rex Ryan's postgame news conference from last week makes more sense.

Q: Coach, can you talk about the naked bootleg in which Mark Sanchez scored the tying touchdown?

Rex Ryan: The important thing about a naked play like that is the footwork. The footwork sells everything. The entire stadium thought that they had their eye on the ball, you could really see James Harrison go for it. He thought that he had it in his hands, but we play "look, but no touch".

Q: The Steelers had a lot of success running the ball against your front seven. Any concerns for the upcoming weeks and the playoffs?

Rex Ryan: Those are some big hogs on that line. Flozell Adams is a size 16 shoe. Chris Kemoeatu, aka "Big Juicy", very agile for a guy wearing size 14 Reeboks. The way he moves when he pulls... Did someone turn up the heat?

Uncomfortable silence filled the room.

The Power Wry: Pussy Seahawks fan sues Shaun Ellis

2010-12-21T20:59:00.005-05:00

Robert Lawson, who will from this point on be referred to as Susan, is suing New York Jets Nose Tackle Shaun Ellis and the Jets themselves for hitting him with a chunk of snow. Susan, who still hasn't got over the fact that his team lost by double digits in Super Bowl XL, is suing for past and future medical expenses, past and future loss of earning (his mommy did cut his allowance), partial impairment of earnings and earning capacity (who would hire a pussy like Susan?), mental and physical pain and suffering (It is difficult to accept the fact that you are a giant wuss). Medical experts are divided on the case. Is Susan a giant pussy or just a money grubbing douche? Why not both?

Most people are shocked to find out that there is a football team in Seattle.

Ten High Bourbon

2010-12-18T19:24:00.000-05:00

I find myself with more bottles than bar space these days. Time to clear out the almost empties.

Ten high proves the old addage, there are no bad bourbons, just better bourbons. Smooth bourbon flavor, with a touch of oak, but no complexity.

At around $12/liter, it's not a bad bourbon. I find it to be a bit too mellow to stand alone in a manhattan. Go 50/50 with some rye.

The Power Wry BS Rankings and 2010 Bowl Season Preview

2010-12-08T20:32:00.000-05:00

Auburn (13-0) Defeated South Carolina 56-17. Auburn is looking forward whooping up on Oregon in the BCS title game, and then vacating the title sometime next summer.
Oregon (12-0) Defeated Oregon St 37-20 in the civil war. What is the civil war in Oregon, hippies vs beatniks?
Wisconsin (11-1) Plays TCU in the Rose Bowl. They're the underdog for some stupid reason. They will destroy TCU by 30.
Ohio State (11-1) plays Arkansas in the Sugar Bowl. Here's hoping that the stench of one year in Ann Arbor clings to Ryan Mallett long enough for OSU to kick the SEC curse.
Michigan State (11-1) Plays Alabama in the Capital One Bowl. As a side bet, the losing coach has to smile. High stakes for Saban and Dantonio.
Stanford (11-1) plays Va Tech in the Orange Bowl. Soon to be named the giant fraud bowl.
Arkansas (10-2) Feel free to take the Buckeyes lightly. Please.
LSU (10-2) plays Texas A&M in the cotton bowl. One of the ones that you will probably skip, unless you have three TVs.
Oklahoma (11-2) Defeated Nebraska 23-10 plays Connecticut in the Fiesta Bowl. Check your local listings for something worth watching.
TCU (12-0) Still waiting for their whooping from the badgers.

Other bowls of note:

Outback Bowl: Florida vs. Penn State a.k.a. The Quitter vs The House Guest that won't leave.
Sun Bowl: Notre Dame vs Miami. 20 years past relevancy.

That's it really. The rest are late night TV filler.

The Power Wry BS Rankings 11/30/10

2010-11-30T20:01:00.000-05:00

Auburn (12-0) Defeated Alabama 28-27. Nick Saban had a flashback to his days at Michigan St.
Oregon (11-0) Defeated Arizona 48-29. Refs fucked Arizona.
Wisconsin (11-1) Defeated Northwestern 70-23. 70 points again. Look at me mommy! Look at me!
Ohio State (11-1) Defeated Michigan 37-7. OK. Ohio State is sitting at #6 in the BCS rankings. We only need 4 or the following 5 to happen in order to get in the title game, in order of plausibility. a) Someone finds the paper trail and Auburn has to vacate its wins. b) Standford fails a drug test. c) The entire Wisconsin team is implicated in the Lufthansa Heist of 1978. d) TCU goes on a Mission Trip. e) Oregon State Defeats Oregon. It could happen.
Michigan State (11-1) Defeated Penn St. 28-22. Waah! We won't get a BCS game because we're irrevelant... and we got our asses kicked by Iowa.
Stanford (11-1) Defeated Oregon St. 38-0. That vapor trail is from Jim Harbaugh bolting for greener pastures.
South Carolina (9-3) Defeated Clemson 29-7. Man, the ACC sucks.
Arkansas (10-2) Defeated LSU 31-23. Oh Ryan Mallett. If only you could were 150 lbs and fragile. You could have really been something at Michigan.
LSU (10-2) See above. Appreciate Les Miles people or Ann Arbor will.
TCU (12-0) Defeated New Mexico 66-17. Looking forward to losing by 50 to Wisconsin in the Rose Bowl.

The Power Wry BS Rankings 11/25/10

2010-11-25T18:28:00.000-05:00

The Power Rye is the most accurate ranking of college football available. Each week, I feed all the facts, figures, stats, scores, and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix. Two days later, I pinch off a post.

Week in review: Due to a virulent case of monkey sars, this ranking is late. I considered taking a bye this week, but bye's are for pussies.

Auburn (11-0) Bye. Mama's Boys.
Oregon (10-0) Bye. Pansies.
LSU (10-1) Defeated Mississippi 43-26. Nancy Boys. Oh... they played. Sorry, I was on a roll. Well done.
Wisconsin (10-1) Defeated Michigan 48-28. Everybody does.
Ohio State (10-1) Defeated Iowa 20-17. Devier Posey just arrived after being forced to walk home from Kinnick Stadium.
Alabama (9-2) Defeated Georgia St 63-7. How did they get Lord Saban to play on Thursday?
Michigan State (10-1) Defeated Purdue 35-31. Once again, defying the odds by not choking.
Stanford (10-1) Defeated Cal 48-14. Battle of the hippies.
South Carolina (8-3) Defeated Troy 69-24. Steve Spurrier has Macedonian ancestry.
Boise St (11-0) Defeated Fresno St 51-0. Boise leapfrogs TCU because they played their high school game in the rain.

Preview for the upcoming slate.

I'll be in the shoe sharing the love.

The Power Wry BS Rankings 11/16/10

2010-11-15T20:43:00.001-05:00

Auburn (11-0) Defeated Georgia 49-31. How does one fit $200k in unmarked bills in a collection plate?
Oregon (10-0) Defeated Cal 15-13. That was just the 1st quarter score, right?
LSU (9-1) Defeated LA-Monroe 51-0. You better.
Wisconsin (9-1) Defeated Indiana 83-20. Scott Tolzein had a triple double with 18 points, 12 assists, and 18 boards.

Ohio State (9-1) Defeated Penn State 38-14. The story making the rounds is that coach Jim Tressel fired up the team at halftime with a rare display of emotion. We give you the before and after.

Before.

... and After. Whoo. Scary. As you can see, all of the color was drained from his sweater vest to his face.

Alabama (8-2) Defeated Mississippi State 30-10. I have three tv's in my man-cave. That's the one I didn't watch.
Nebraska (9-1) Defeated Kansas 20-3. Another classic Big 12 rivalry bites the dust.
Michigan State (9-1) Bye. The Spartans spent their week off hi-jacking the Iowa team bus, and finishing the job that they left undone 3 weeks ago. Choking against Northwestern.
Stanford (9-1) Defeated Arizona State 17-13. Does anyone not eating granola still think that Stanford is a legit contender? I don't.
TCU (11-0) Defeated San Diego State 40-35. I haven't seen a high school team recruit this well since Massilllon Washington in 1981.

Power Rye BS Rankings 11/9/10

2010-11-09T20:31:00.000-05:00

Auburn (10-0) Defeated Chattanooga 62-24. Surprisingly, their mascot is the Mocs (as in mocking bird), not the Choo-Choos.
Oregon (9-0) Defeated Washington 53-16. Still waiting for Jake Locker to do something. He has an excuse this week, he had a boo-boo.
LSU (8-1) Defeated Alabama 24-21. Memo to whomever plays LSU. It will be a trick play.
Wisconsin (8-1) Defeated Purdue 34-13. Wisconsin took a nap during the first half and still only trailed 10-6.
Ohio State (7-1) Bye. Jim Tressel is up to his old tricks. Don't play, surge up the standings.
Stanford (7-1) Defeated Arizona 42-17. Stanford moves up because everyone else that was ahead of them stunk up the joint.
Alabama (7-2) Lost to LSU. Too busy leaking stories about Cam Newton to game plan.
Iowa (7-2) Defeated Indiana 18-13. Seriously?
Nebraska (8-1) Defeated Iowa State 21-20. I mean seriously?
TCU (10-0) Defeated Utah 47-7. Number one sham program in the nation.

Received for Review: 1800 Silver Tequila

2010-11-05T20:44:00.004-04:00

This tequila is peppery and smokey, with agave sweetness and an oak finish. On ice it's a nice sipper and it stands up well in a cocktail.

When I first got the bottle, I thought that this was the most difficult stopper in the world to open. Turns out that there is a reason for that. Christopher Moltisanti will explain.

Missing from this video, is how you actually get the stopper out without dumping tequila all over the place, or losing it back down the bottle. Fear not. Here is the solution. Frankly, it doesn't work that well, but it's cute. To be fair. I have had drank 5 shots of 1800 and my technique may be suspect.

The "I don't have time for all that foo foo crap" margarita:

1 1/2 parts 1800 tequila
1/2 part grand marnier
squeeze the juice of one lime wedge into the glass in order to avoid scurvy

What in the world is...Punt E Mes?

2010-11-01T20:59:00.001-04:00

I thought that it was Italian for "whore foot". Turns out that it means point and a half; which doesn't make a lot of sense either.

It's a sweet vermouth from Italy. It has the same odd ketchup flavor that you fine with Martini and Rossi or Boissiere when you taste it neat. It does make a really nice Manhattan, as long as you use a rough around the edges rye like Old Overholt.. At $20 a bottle, I'll break it out when I want to impress people, and stick with my trusty $5 bottle of Gallo the rest of the time.

Power Rye BS Rankings 11/1/10

2010-11-01T20:41:00.000-04:00

Auburn (9-0) Defeated Missippi 51-31. Ackbar was wrong.

Alabama (7-1) Bye. Even the bye week had a bye before they played Alabama.
Oregon (8-0) Defeated USC 53-32. USC has had trouble navigating the salary cap era. Look for Lane Kiffen to ruin your favorite franchise/program soon.
Wisconsin (7-1) Bye. Nobody noticed.
LSU (7-1) Bye. Les Miles clock management haunts him again. He showed up at the stadium on Saturday and missed a golden opportunity to sleep in.
Ohio State (7-1) Defeated Minnesota 52-10. For the first time this season, Ohio State did not lose 15 defensive backs to season ending injuries.
Iowa (6-2) Defeated Michigan State 37-6. They fought the battle of Thermopylae in a corn field. Whoops.
Nebraska (7-1) Defeated Missouri 31-17. How in the hell did they lose to Texas?
Stanford (7-1) Defeated Washington 41-0. Didn't watch it, and neither did you.
Utah (8-0) Defeated Air Force 28-23. ...and nobody cares.

Power Rye BS Rankings 10/25/10

2010-10-25T20:44:00.000-04:00

The Power Rye is the most accurate ranking of college football available. Each week, I feed all the facts, figures, stats, scores, and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix. Two days later, you get this.

Week in Review: My crack research team did some investigating, and Boise is a city and not a state. Thus, Boise State is out. Stanford is also out. Anyone with a thorough understanding of the second law of thermodynamics knows that only one Pac-10 team can be good at a time. Also, they gave up 28 points to a shitty Washington State team. Egads.

This weeks ranking:

Auburn (8-0) Defeated LSU 24-17. Can we send Cam Newton the Heisman now and get it over with?
Oregon (7-0) Defeated UCLA 60-13. Bill Walton is spinning in his grave.
Michigan State (8-0) Defeated Northwestern 35-27. I suspect that they traded uniforms prior to kickoff. Northwestern blew a lead that would have had John L Smith smacking himself.

Alabama (7-1) Defeated Tennessee 41-10. The Iron Bowl is looking more and more like the de facto National Title game.
Missouri (7-0) Defeated Oklahoma 36-17. The Big 12 sucks, but they are undefeated. For now.
Wisconsin (7-1) Defeated Iowa 31-30. Bucky wins big in back to back weeks.
LSU (7-1) Lost to Auburn. Les Miles is busy preparing for the Michigan job that accepted in 2007.
Ohio State (7-1) Defeated Purdue 49-0. No, you get used to it.
Nebraska (6-1) Defeated Oklahoma St. 51-41. Future Big 10 bias moves Nebraska back into the top 10. For now.
Utah (7-0). Token small conference team.

For fun. Brett Farve's new Wrangler commercial.

Ron Matusalem Gran Reserva

2010-10-18T22:04:00.001-04:00

Rumor has it, this is a drinking blog.

My grand tour of solera aged rums comes to an end. I had the Ron Zacapa, the Ron Atlantico, and now the Ron Matusalem. It's the most affordable of the three at under $30. I get vanilla, honey, a bit of cinnamon with lightly tannic finish. As a whiskey lover, my only complaint is that this rum tastes too much like rum.

Grade: B+

Power Rye BS Rankings 10/16/10

2010-10-18T21:29:00.002-04:00

The Power Rye is the most accurate ranking of college football available. Each week, I feed all the facts, figures, stats, scores, and a pint of rye whiskey into the Power Rye ranking matrix. After my headache goes away, the results are posted.

Week in review: Nebraska messed with Texas and they're out. TCU is out just cause. South Carolina, the Michigan State of the South, gacked against UK, they're out. Ohio State wasted no time reminding me why god invented whiskey and the remote control.

This weeks rankings:

Auburn (7-0) Defeated Arkansas 65-43. No defense. No problem.
LSU (7-0) Defeated McNeese St. 32-10. I thought that they had a bye so they fell one spot.
Michigan State (7-0) Defeated Illinois 26-6. Sparty, the South Carolina of the Midwest, continues to defy the odds by not choking. Can they make it another week? Stay tuned.
Oregon (6-0) Stayed home and played with themselves. East Coast bias keeps them from moving up the rankings.
Alabama (6-1) Defeated Mississippi 21-10. Don't make Nick Saban angry. You won't like him when he's angry.
Oklahoma (6-0) Defeated Iowa St. 61-0. Oklahoma is poised to blow another BCS game. Somehow, Ohio State will get blamed for it.
Wisconsin (6-1) Defeated Ohio State 31-18. Fuck you Bucky.
Stanford (5-1) Bye week. Harbaugh went for 2.
Ohio State (6-1) Lost to Wisconsin 31-18. John Clay still running.
Boise State (6-0) Defeated San Jose St. 48-0. I've been to San Jose, and it's a city. Boise loses one spot for playing a fake state. I've never been to Boise. I cannot confirm whether or not it is a state.

The Power Rye's Inaugural Official BS College Football Rankings

2010-10-12T15:30:00.005-04:00

LSU. (6-0) The "BS" stands for bat-shit crazy Les Miles.
THE Ohio State University. (6-0) Terrelle Pryor's good, but he's no Jacory Harris. Plus, impressive victories against ACC teams do not count.
Nebraska. (5-0) Should waltz through the crappy Big 12 North.
Oregon. (6-0) I actually like the uniforms. Rose Bowl butt whooping still fresh in my mind.
Michigan State. (6-0) The South Carolina of the midwest is due to implode any day now.
South Carolina. (4-1) The Michigan State of the south is due to implode any day now.
Oklahoma. (5-0) See Ohio State in regards to victories against ACC opponents.
Alabama. (5-1) Evil schedule may bite them again before it's all over.
Boise State. (5-0) Legally obligated to be included in any and all polls. See Ohio State and Oklahoma for my opinion on the Va Tech victory.
TCU. (6-0) #1 high school team in Texas.

Old Forester

2010-09-24T20:11:00.000-04:00

This is a nice bourbon at $15 price range. It' oaky and spicy, with a peppery finish that's enhanced by it's higher 86 proof. I dont' love it straight, but it makes quite a nice Manhattan. My post sip burp has a hint of vanilla.

Grade: C+

Manhattan Grade: B

The Power Wry: Memo to Tennessee. Size Matters

2010-09-23T21:12:00.005-04:00

Pittsburgh 19 - Tennessee 11

I packed up the family last weekend and headed to Tennessee to see my beloved Steelers take on one of our hated foes, the Tennessee Titans. Quick aside. If you have an infant. There is no way that a 6 1/2 hour drive will go smoothly. Plan for 9.

Mrs. Rye's cousins live in Clarksville and are season ticket holders, which means that when we play down there, they help me find a ticket. This makes my second trip down south. Two years ago, we went down there, lost, then went on to win the Superbowl. So I got over it.

After the game in '08. Lendell White and Keith Bullock desecrated the Terrible Towel by stomping it into the mudd. Bad hoo-doo ensued and the Titans went on to lose 8 straight games over two seasons, including a playoff game against the Ravens shortly after the evil deed was perpetrated.

At the pregame tailgate, the Titans fans were confident.
"I think that it's going to be a defensive game"
"You can't stop Chris Johnson and Vince Young"
Silly homers.

It's all going to come back to towels. They have not learned their lesson. The titans were handing out rip-off towels at the gate. I grabbed one for myself and Cousin Barry was surprised that I took one.

Hey, it was hot. I was sure that I would need it for a case of swamp nuts.

Pause in the story. If you are going to an away game. I recommend Tennessee. People are friendly. Their worst fans our angels compared to Northeast and Midwest football fans. However, there is always one loudmouth that I end up having words with.

Set the stage. Pittsburgh's winning. The "Unstoppable" Chris Johnson is getting nowhere. Finally, he busts loose for an 85 yard touchdown. The crowd goes wild, except for Cousin Barry, who doesn't even cheer, he sees that a flag get has been thrown for holding. Everyone but the two of us is standing up going wild. He's sad. I'm trying not to look too pleased. After the call is made. I can't help myself. I pull a Buckeye-Hatin-Chris, stand up, wave the towel and yell "Cheaters!". (Which always endears you with your opponents fans.) This makes a guy in the row behind me say "Sit down Son and Be quiet!"

I was quiet for a few moments. I'm with my wife's family. Best behavior. But if I don't say anything, this shit's going to eat at me for 5 years. People who have watched games with me will not believe what I said next.

"I'm not swearing." (This is the part that they won't believe.) "And, I'm not your damned son." Jesus I'm 37. Shit 38. I don't let my dad talk to me like this.
"This is our stadium, quit waving your damn towel."
Got ya jackass. "You handed out towels at the gate!"

It all comes back to the towels. YOI!

There is only one Terrible Towel.

Tales From the Top Shelf: Ron Atlantico Private Stock

2010-09-13T19:59:00.001-04:00

Has anyone else noticed that there are a lot of guys named Ron making rum?

Turns out that Ron means Rum. Ahhh. Who knew?

My new found love of premium rums continues. Ron Atlantico is an excellent premium rum, that is a blend of 15-25 year old rums that have been aged using the Solera system. It's got vanilla, honey, and mint. My only complaint is that there is a bit too much oak in the finish. I prefer the Ron Zacapa, but Ron Atlantico has the advantage of being cheaper.

Cost: $34
Grade: A-

The Power Wry: The Pussification of the NFL Continues

2010-08-31T15:28:00.001-04:00

Looks clean to me. He had the ball when Suh wrapped him up.

Brett Farve Flow Chart

2010-08-17T21:17:00.004-04:00

Wry World of Sports Mid-August Edition

2010-08-16T21:32:00.000-04:00

Last Week , the side-kick, aka Lebron, tweeted: "Don't think for one min that I haven't been taking mental notes of everyone taking shots at me this summer. And I mean everyone!" Most people thought that he was referring to Charles Barkly, MJ, or the media. I know who he's really talking about. I'm the only one who remembers that he and D-Wade have hooked up before. I remember the battle of Endor.

There's been some hullabaloo about somebody "grounded his club in a bunker" at the PGA championship. First of all, golf is not a sport. Second of all, that's what she said. Finally, a Michael Scott moment.

Steelers fans have been stressed about offseason, hmm-hmm, issues. Remember Steelers fans, you can say something that Bengals and Browns fans can't. No one from our team has been arrested this year.

In the most exciting news of the summer, our softball team won the Columbus church league's equivalent to the NIT. The hi-lite was World-Wide-Kev sending a bouncer into some poor girls face, causing the team that was whooping us in the semi-final to forfeit. Piece of advice, if you don't got the glove, stay off of the hot corner. She was all like, "hey, isn't that World-Wide-Kev?" Then she was like "has anyone seen my left upper bicuspid?" That's the way we roll in the co-ed church league.

New Amsterdam Gin Revisited

2010-08-10T15:39:00.010-04:00

The glorious day has finally arrived. All of my not-so-hard work has paid off. I have received a sample for review.

Free hooch. Whoo-hoo!

I've reviewed New Amsterdam Gin before, and the original post can be found here. I find it to be more of a cocktail gin. It's more aromatic than the London Dry style that you are probably used to with the juniper flavor being more in the background. Subsequently, I don't feel that it stands up well to tonic. It does mix well with sweeter flavors.

I gave a bottle to a friend for a gift last Christmas, and she didn't get to enjoy it because her sister pretty much sucked down the bottle. I think that's a fine endorsement.

They have some pretty interesting cocktail ideas on their website. I decided to throw my own recipe into the game; playing along with the New York theme.

The Mulberry Street Cooler

1/2 ounce basil syrup (boil equal parts sugar, water, and basil leaves until the sugar dissolves. Refrigerate and enjoy)
1 1/2 ounce of New Amsterdam Gin.
Add lots of ice and top with Lemon Soda. I used Fever Tree Bitter Lemon

Tales from the top shelf: Mount Gay Extra Old Rum

2010-08-03T20:33:00.000-04:00

I've been keeping this rum around for when the rum lovers that I know come for a visit. It has a sweet vanilla flavor, and a warm oaky finish. The rum is aged in bourbon barrels, which adds some nice spice. When you exhale, you get banana. If you are a rum lover, this ones for you. I'm not a rum lover, and I still think that it's pretty good.

Cost: $40
Grade: B+

Going all in on the social media front

2010-08-02T20:36:00.000-04:00

I'm finally taking Two Parts Rye out to the rest of the web.

You can follow me on Twitter at http://twitter.com/TwoPartsRye. Time is of the essence these days, and it's a good outlet for the random insanity that pops into my head.

You can also find Two Parts Rye on facebook, but I don't know when I'll actually get around to spiffing that page up. I will post here when it's worth checking out.

Today is National Scotch Day. Hence: Tales from the Top Shelf - The Balvenie 21

2010-07-27T21:25:00.007-04:00

“Well, between Scotch and nothin', I suppose I'd take Scotch. It's the nearest thing to good moonshine I can find.” - William Faulkner

Which shows to show you that one of the following are true about William Faulkner

He never drank moonshine.
He never drank Scotch.
He never drank Scotch nor Moonshine.

So, it's national Scotch day. Whose nation? Ours I guess. I'm not sure that it's really a true national day. The whole thing may be a trick by Scotch distributors to get some free pub. Today, it worked.

For those of you who are new to Two Parts Rye, Scotch isn't really my thing. You see, I used to lead a double life. Pretending that I like Scotch, yep, I wanted to be sophisticated. But it was all a lie. A LIE I TELL YOU. I am now comfortable enough with myself to admit the truth. The stuff tastes like someone left an old shoe in a perfectly good Irish Whiskey. That was liberating.

You can decide for yourself as to whether or not that's a condemnation of Scotch, or my stinky feet.

From the web: To create The Balvenie PortWood Aged 21 Years, a marriage of rare Balvenie is transferred to port casks, or pipes, which have held fine port wines. Here it is sampled regularly by The Balvenie Malt Master to ensure that just the right amount of character is imparted by the port casks, enhancing and developing the single malt whilst preserving its original characteristics.

Tasting Notes: Mint, leather, menthol, nutmeg, tobacco, and a hint of Doctor Scholl's.
Grade: B+

Theoretically, this will show up on The Balvenie's Facebook page. If it does, we'll know that they never actually read this post, or they have a sense of humor.

Cocktail Test Drive: The Vesper

2010-07-23T20:06:00.001-04:00

Scroll down two posts for the video for this recipe.

The Vesper is basically a variation on the Martini. It has 3 shots of gin, 1 shot of vodka, which girlies it up a bit, and 1/2 a shot of fortified wine, in this case, Lillet Blanc. I skipped the lemon twist because I don't have time for that crap.

This is not a cocktail for the pinkie out crowd. It's booze, more booze, and a dash of more booze. I approve.

Jim's Vesper (After she drowned)

3 Shots Gordons
1 Shot Vodka
1 Shot Lillet Blanc
1 dash of Grapefruit Bitters, in lieu of a lemon twist, because you don't garnish when you drink alone.

Gordon's London Dry Gin

2010-07-22T20:15:00.003-04:00

Here's the second part of our exploration of the Vesper Cocktail. I'd link to the recipe and the Kina Lillet review, but it's just one post down, you can handle the scrolling. If you haven't read it yet, go ahead and check it out.

Gordon's Gin is the most popular gin in the world. My research on the web says that it is made in 150 countries. It's on the web, so it must be true. My bottle was distilled in Norwalk, CT. US of A.

Why is it so popular? It's cheap. At approximately $10 a bottle, you're not going to break the bank. Flavor-wise, I get juniper. Any other complexity that you may detect is merely wishful thinking. As far as my house gin challenge goes, I'm sticking with Whitley Neill.

Grade: C
Cost Adjusted Grade: B

What in the world is Kina Lillet?

2010-07-20T19:59:00.004-04:00

Once upon a time (way before this movie) it was a french aperitif, containing quinine, and it was sort of, kinda, not really made famous in Casino Royale. Nowadays it's called Lillet Blanc. The old recipe for Kina Lillet contained quinine, think tonic water. Now it's a somewhat sweet and citrus flavored. It makes me think of dry vermouth, except that it tastes good. We'll be reviewing all of the ingredients for the Vesper cocktail, with the exception of the non-descript vodka. So in other words, check back in later for a review of Gordon's Gin.

Cost: $18

Grade: B

Le Plus-Que-Parfait Manhattan

2 parts bourbon
1 part sweet vermouth
1 part lillet blanc
1 dash fee's west india orange bitters

Wry Observations: Curb Side Recycling

2010-07-14T20:10:00.003-04:00

What's wrong with this picture?

LeKing is Dead. Long Live LeQueen

2010-07-08T21:38:00.000-04:00

Have fun being D-Wade's errand boy quitter.

Oh yeah, he's an alien too. I can't keep your secret any longer traitor.

Maker's 46

2010-07-06T19:33:00.003-04:00

I stopped by the liquor store with the intentions of grabbing a bottle of Maker's Mark for the house bourbon challenge. Lo-and-behold, we just got in Maker's Mark 46 and there wasn't much of it left in the store. So, it got purchased instead.

Bit of history. Maker's Mark has been a one product company for-since-1956 (If you ignore their the defunct Maker's Black, and Maker's Mint Julep). This product uses the standard Maker's Mark as it's base, and ages it longer with wood staves to add more flavor. It's called 46, because it uses No. 46 French Oak Staves. God help us, our bourbon has been inspired by French bureaucracy. It clocks in at 94 proof and has quite a burn. Adding a splash of water reveals a nice cinnamon flavor.

Grade: B
Cost: $31.95

Sangria Blanca

2010-07-05T20:03:00.001-04:00

We had company on Friday. It was Cousin David's brother and Sister-In-Law. Cousins Barry & Maggie. They're adventurous eaters, so I take the opportunity to show off when they come to town. It was a spanish style meal with tapas to start off, and finishing with a big dish of paella. We were dangerously close to over-dosing on paprika. The drink of the evening was a white wine sangria.

Let me go give you my recipe first, then I'll give you some earth shatteringly brilliant observations.

Jim's Sangria Blanca:

1 Bottle of Pinot Grigio
2 shots Grand Marnier
1 shot St. Germaine
2 shots Beefeater Summer Gin
1 shot Licor 43
Juice from 1 orange
Juice from 1lime
Orange and Lime slices
Chill and serve.

The first observation is that the there is a fine line between sangria and hairy buffalo. I believe that a hairy buffalo party is a required prerequisite for any bachelors degree, and counts as 1 credit hour towards the general curriculum.

The second observation came to me because I had never made Sangria before. Would this actually taste good? What if it doesn't? The answer is simple. Just add ginger ale. Ginger ale is the duct tape of the cocktail world.

This cocktail tastes like shit.
How bout a splash of ginger ale?
That ain't half-bad.

This recipe does not need ginger ale.

This Means Something

2010-07-01T20:17:00.005-04:00

Well we did it. We've finally hit our 50th state. Though not with rave reviews. Wyoming is the last state to visit our glorious drinking blog, and they don't appreciate being called lame.

Allow me to quote the brave poster: Anonymous "Good! Then stay the Hell out, we don't want you here anyway."

My first reaction is that I can't decide what surprises me more, that they have the internet in Wyoming, or that they have electricity. What's next, indoor plumbing?

I was eating dinner tonight and it hit me.

Devil's Tower Wyoming is where the Alien Invasion of the NBA Started!

Of course they hate this blog. I'm the one who exposed their sinister plot. Take that Xenu.

Now the only question is, which one of these green blooded bastards is after me?

Colorado Whiskey

2010-06-29T20:22:00.000-04:00

I've had this on the shelf for a while and I wanted to review it. I read something today that prompted me to get off the pot and get this post up.

Cigar Aficianado had a small article about American Craft Spirits. In this article, Colorado Whiskey is described as tasting like a fine Single Malt Scotch. No. No. No. Scotch tastes like monkey butt. This is fine spirit, crafted in the good old US-Of-A, that tastes like an Irish whiskey. There is nothing smokey, peaty, or gangrenous toe about this whiskey.

It's got honey, cinnamon, toasted nuts, and mint. The bottles have a pithy hand written note as to what was going on when they were bottled. Mine says "Listening to '09 ALCS Game 4".

Grade: A-
Cost: $50

Why do I have Cigar Aficianado? I had to burn expiring airline miles, and it was either that, or a subscription to Diabetes Forecast.

How a drunk guy in Louisiana saved my softball game

2010-06-25T23:01:00.002-04:00

First, enjoy.

I first saw this video at the Zane Lamprey tour that came through town a few weeks back.

So, it's softball Sunday. World Wide Kev is our pitcher, but as usual, he's out of town. Once again I'm asking myself, just where in the hell is World Wide Kev? The $6MMm is our sub pitcher. It's the top of the 7th, were down, they got a lot folks on base with 1 out. He's walked a batter or two and I could tell that he's kinda struggling. Now as the coach, you gotta know how to motivate your players.

I yell to him, "This is almost as bad as the time you got arrested for drunk driving on a lawn mower"

We yell back and forth "I know my rights!" It's even funnier because this is a church league and we're Methodists.

He mows down the next two batters, we rally for a 28-28 tie. Tie's suck, but since it's World Cup season, we'll take the Canadian Victory.

In regards to the drunk guy on a lawnmower... The adventure continues.

House Bourbon Challenge: Old Ezra 7 vs Buffalo Trace

2010-06-24T20:43:00.002-04:00

Let's cut to the chase. Old Ezra may be the best $10 whiskey that you will ever buy. It's not good enough to displace Buffalo Trace as my go to house bourbon, but it's pretty darn good.

It clocks in at 101 proof, which is a bit too warm. There's oak and cinnamon and nut flavor. It's also a little bit tannic. Adding a splash of water helps with the heat and bitterness, and actually brings out some sweetness when drinking it "neat".

And that's the problem. My house bourbon and rye are going to be used in a Manhattan. With the higher proof, you end up adding more vermouth to counteract the heat, and the whole thing gets out of whack. Can't have it.

Grade: C+
Cost: $10
Cost Adjusted Grade: B